I'M FUCKING BUYING A PS2 FOR THIS
Because the MGS3 walkthroughs I have obsessively watched never have all of these beautiful convos. (I have lots of favourites but can't be arsed to hunt down and transcribe them all from scratch now, so here are the ones I stole from the ever-so-convenient tumblr.)
“Snake, listen to yourself. This is a mission. It’s not a game; it’s not a sport. You think you’re competing for the gold at Tokyo or something?”
--ZERO SHATTERING YOUR ILLUSIONS
So, where the hell do you get this:
Snake: Amazing the kind of machines that are available now...
Para-Medic: But this machine has not been made public. It was designed by a scientist at the CIA's Directorate of Science and Technology.
Snake: What kind of person was he?
Para-Medic: The person who designed it?
Snake: Yeah.
Para-Medic: I heard he was pretty strange.
Snake: Stranger than the Major?
Para-Medic: There's nothing strange about the Major.
Major Zero Tom: My tea is gone! Who drank it!? How am I supposed to have teatime without tea!?
Para-Medic: Well, not too strange, at least.
Snake: ...
Major Tom: Hey, my scones are gone, too!!
This one is so damn cute:
Major Zero Tom: Snake, do you see any tufts of grass?
Snake: Yeah.
Major Tom: What kind of grass?
Snake: Just ordinary grass. Nothing special...
Major Tom: You should check it anyhow.
Snake: ...It's pretty thick grass. About waist-high.
Major Tom: If you crawl into the grass, you can advance undercover. [blah blah description of how to do this in the game; we'll miss you, fourth wall] This allows you to observe things without blowing your cover. Got it?
Snake: Yeah, but...
Major Tom: But what?
Snake: Was that the only reason?
Major Tom: What do you mean?
Snake: You had me check it just to tell me that?
Major Tom: That's right.
Snake: ...
Major Tom: Pretty useful huh?
Snake: ...Right.
Major Tom: Shall we carry on?
Snake: By all means.
Since when does BB say "by all means"? Adopting your SO's pet phrases, are we. (Note: Your call whether SO means "superior officer" or "significant other". Or both, bwahaha.)
AND HERE I JUST HAVE NO WORDS:
Snake: Yeah. When I do my business, I bury it good.
Major Zero Tom: What!?
Snake: What's wrong?
Major Tom: That's the American way?
Snake: American way for what?
Major Tom: To handle defecation. You're going to BURY it?
Snake: Yeah.
Major Tom: Bring it home with you.
Snake: What?
Major Tom: That's what we did in the SAS.
Snake: ...
And you know that when I shut up, things are dire. The SAS was one fun organization. I can see the point of writing secret documents in jizz, but this is just
...Wait a sec, why are they talking about "defecation" anyway?
ZERO YOU TROLL