Sometimes...
I've come to be infatuated with the word, "sometimes". It is less assuming, less encompassing, and I've grown so accustomed to it that I've begun to avoid "always" and "never" in my speech. Surrounding my world is a veil of uncertainties. What was common sense is now but a misconception, for is it not simply an assumption? Not all common sense is full of sense, as common as it may be.
Sometimes I wish I can be more assertive. But I'm a coward with no rock to hide under. I've always had to be strong for myself, but for each gamble where I am struck down again, getting back up by myself is more... demanding. I hate that I can't see where I'm going, or who I am doing things for.
Sometimes things as they are seem so unsatisfactory. I want a lot more than I am capable of, I realize, but I enjoy being difficult. Especially towards myself. If you were to ask me why I do the things I do, you would get a most pretentious answer like "fully exploiting my capabilities". But "I just want to torment myself", is the truth, folks. A most tenacious masochist, is what I am.
Sometimes I wonder if this uncertainly manifests everyone the same way. Or is it only me that allows it to seep into everyhing I do? My confidence is like the surface tension of water, the ripples of a dropped stone becomes at once omnipotent.
Sometimes I wish I can be more assertive. But I'm a coward with no rock to hide under. I've always had to be strong for myself, but for each gamble where I am struck down again, getting back up by myself is more... demanding. I hate that I can't see where I'm going, or who I am doing things for.
Sometimes things as they are seem so unsatisfactory. I want a lot more than I am capable of, I realize, but I enjoy being difficult. Especially towards myself. If you were to ask me why I do the things I do, you would get a most pretentious answer like "fully exploiting my capabilities". But "I just want to torment myself", is the truth, folks. A most tenacious masochist, is what I am.
Sometimes I wonder if this uncertainly manifests everyone the same way. Or is it only me that allows it to seep into everyhing I do? My confidence is like the surface tension of water, the ripples of a dropped stone becomes at once omnipotent.