oh happy days...finally
it's funny how talking to old friend(hello molly!) will make you think of good ole live journal. i neglect this thing so bad, but i think its because before i felt like my life was too negative to write about..and things were lookin pretty rough there for a while.
the past 5 months of my life have been quite eventful, and yet uneventful. the unveventfulness has definitely lead me to alot of self realization, healing, and understanding of who i am...oh yeah and alot of happiness and laugher:)
in these months, i have moved to Lakeland,Florida(this is for my stalkers, so they know where i am) , had a job for 2 weeks at a boutique, business went out of business?, decided to slack and be depressed, went to disney a million times, drank till i should have died or been in jail, and woke up to realize that there is new life!, started working at carrabbas, became an avid poker player(ooo but its so much fun, dont judge), decided to move back to memphis, visited memphis, and decided to not move back to memphis after all:)
so last night someone who had a really big part in my life in memphis and alot of the reason for my problems said some things to me. this person was saying all these things about how he was sick of hearing about alcoholic kelsey pothead kelsey church kelsey relationship kelsey player kelsey sad kelsey...and he just kept going on. he said "when are you going to make up your mind who you are and what you are going to do with your life", at first i felt weak, that he was right and i was pathetic, but then i remembered that that was my PAST and not my present. i hate how people like to remind you of shitty things you've done in the past to bring you down, but i had to remember that he doesnt know me anymore because he didnt make it to my present or to my future. i am so greatful that i dont have to be defined by one word. i would hate for someone to look back on me and someone to say "kelsey was a pi phi". or "kelsey was a really big partier". those are both great at times, but i mean i think i want a little more meaning to who i am and what defines me.
honestly, im glad that person said that because i have never been happier in my life. its so great. i like to wake up in the morning and look at florida's sun and all the neat birds in my backyard by our pond thats drying up because we have no rain. haha.i sound so gay right now, but for real..its a really good feeling when you are coming out of the darkest part of your life. im very happy to be alive and be surrounded with some of the most unique and hysterical people that i have ever met. i love that i have a good relationship with my parents and that we can now laugh that ive stolen there alcohol a million times and that they make fun of me for smoking and trying to hide it. i can tell them how i feel about stuff and not worry that they are going to jump down my throat. i like that i dont have to lie anymore and feel ashamed about who I AM. i think more than anything i am very happy about who i am becoming. its so refreshing. i like that i have weeded out the people in my life to the ones who have stuck by me through all of this, and im glad that someone has made it through six years of my life without being scared of me and somehow still cares. ironic. but i like it.
and i think this concludes my horribly cheesiness for the night. :)
the past 5 months of my life have been quite eventful, and yet uneventful. the unveventfulness has definitely lead me to alot of self realization, healing, and understanding of who i am...oh yeah and alot of happiness and laugher:)
in these months, i have moved to Lakeland,Florida(this is for my stalkers, so they know where i am) , had a job for 2 weeks at a boutique, business went out of business?, decided to slack and be depressed, went to disney a million times, drank till i should have died or been in jail, and woke up to realize that there is new life!, started working at carrabbas, became an avid poker player(ooo but its so much fun, dont judge), decided to move back to memphis, visited memphis, and decided to not move back to memphis after all:)
so last night someone who had a really big part in my life in memphis and alot of the reason for my problems said some things to me. this person was saying all these things about how he was sick of hearing about alcoholic kelsey pothead kelsey church kelsey relationship kelsey player kelsey sad kelsey...and he just kept going on. he said "when are you going to make up your mind who you are and what you are going to do with your life", at first i felt weak, that he was right and i was pathetic, but then i remembered that that was my PAST and not my present. i hate how people like to remind you of shitty things you've done in the past to bring you down, but i had to remember that he doesnt know me anymore because he didnt make it to my present or to my future. i am so greatful that i dont have to be defined by one word. i would hate for someone to look back on me and someone to say "kelsey was a pi phi". or "kelsey was a really big partier". those are both great at times, but i mean i think i want a little more meaning to who i am and what defines me.
honestly, im glad that person said that because i have never been happier in my life. its so great. i like to wake up in the morning and look at florida's sun and all the neat birds in my backyard by our pond thats drying up because we have no rain. haha.i sound so gay right now, but for real..its a really good feeling when you are coming out of the darkest part of your life. im very happy to be alive and be surrounded with some of the most unique and hysterical people that i have ever met. i love that i have a good relationship with my parents and that we can now laugh that ive stolen there alcohol a million times and that they make fun of me for smoking and trying to hide it. i can tell them how i feel about stuff and not worry that they are going to jump down my throat. i like that i dont have to lie anymore and feel ashamed about who I AM. i think more than anything i am very happy about who i am becoming. its so refreshing. i like that i have weeded out the people in my life to the ones who have stuck by me through all of this, and im glad that someone has made it through six years of my life without being scared of me and somehow still cares. ironic. but i like it.
and i think this concludes my horribly cheesiness for the night. :)