(no subject)
"Don't be dismayed at goodbyes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or a lifetime, is certain for those who are friends"
~in loving memory of my beautiful sister and dear friend, Holland"HOLLY"Simms"
The feeling of someone coming in your life, changing you without you knowing, and then them leaving is probably the most powerful feeling of pain and appreciation someone can ever feel. The feeling of missing someone you onced loved and counted as family. its incredible. its horrible. On October 5,2007 my sorority sister,friend, and mentor passed away from an unknown virus.
It's hard to pinpoint the exact day I met Holly, but I remember her grabbing me into a huge hug on bid day and then made me run through the fountain. I'm not going to lie, she intimidated me a little at first, but so did everyone in Pi Phi. She was one of the first people to make me feel comfortable, glowing with a smile at all times. She had the most distinctive laugh and voice. Everyone KNEW when holly was in the house. She was so strong in her opinion. Always decisive, but rarely ever bitchy. I think back to some of the best memories i have with her, and I think to some of the best were sneaking away to smoke a cigarrette(I actually have the last pack we smoked because she smoked pinks...not my fav and i would bum if i had to). We would talk about my boy problems(my idiot) and Matthew(her boyfriend/my best friend). I just think about her always starting her issues with him by saying "I mean, I love him, but i want him to change blah blah". gah, I admired her so much for her positiveness. She always knew right from wrong, always directing me to choose what was right. I laugh now because we made a deal we would stop smoking, she beat me, but i still kept my promise. I've been clean for a week! We have so many memories that go far beyond that. I wish I could write forever about how much i miss her, how much she meant to me, but there are no words. There can never be enough words to describe the impact one person left on my life and the amount of pain i feel every day i dont talk to her or message her on facebook or walk her to class on my way to the house. I dread tomorrow because it is the first thursday class that I haven't walked her to the Pysch building since she has passed. I want so bad to be okay with the fact that she is in a better place and not in pain. i wish she was here helping me be strong, here with the love of her life, Matthew. I started to think the other day, that she left apart of her strength with me so i can be strong for everyone, especially Matthew, so we can make it through this. I want so bad to hear her walk through the door, and laugh at something that just happened. I want to sit down and smoke those godforsaken pink cigs and have her tell me what to do with all this crap in my life and after all my tears about this dumb boy and my problems, i would look like crap and as always she would say "you're beautiful". How one person saw beauty in every person she met, i will never know. It's hard to believe that none of that will happen, and facing up to the fact that it isn't is possibly the hardest thing i've ever had to face in my life.
Holland-so beautiful, so unique, strong, caring, loving, dedicated. she was hard not to listen to, decisive, a leader, a giver to everyone, someone who listened to your ever need and even dumb stories, a genuine, a true friend. there are so many things to say...not enough words.
miss you angel.
