Dec 06, 2016 02:29
Dude, it has like, serial been a long time since I've done this.
I want to start again...
Lately, I have just been feeling so full of dread, I think about all the things that have happened in my life/lifetime, all the things I think are going to happen (scary obsessive magnitude of just worst case things), I think about inevitable things (then think scary things about those things)....and how its all so much stuff and so crazy, feels too much sometimes...yet so beautiful, and warm, and lovely.....
Then I feel alright for a while.
Then I start wondering what all this is, and what the heck is this.....ugh.....I like thinking about stuff and reading philosophy, poetry, the thoughts of others that I may not have thought about...
But fuck, anxiety and panic attacks are so scary.....I'm not sure at what point I started to be afraid of thoughts...
So, here I am.....its hard to get myself out of my head and be in the room.
I shut myself off. It's hard to stop doing that. Even with friends I find myself backing up in my head and having this whole other thing going on, and it always seems like I'm standing in the middle of a dark room looking at the world through a rather big peep hole.
I must work on being present.
....So...that's what is up for now.
<3- Sarah