between friendship and love
title: between friendship and love
pairing: sulli/amber
summary: Sulli and Krystal are in desperate need of a new roommate before the new semester starts, however the only person willing to take it is someone they least expect.
notes: written for blingdingdong
“Did you even meet her before letting her move in?”
“Umm, sort of?”
“Sort of?!”
“Hey! We were desperate and no one wanted the room so I gave it to the first person that called.”
“So you only talked to her?”
“Yeah and I-”
“So you don’t even know what she looks like, or what she’s like? She could be an ax-murderer for all we know!”
“Oh my god, what if she’s not even a she? Her voice was kind of…”
Soojung looked up from her frantic cleaning to glare at the older girl. “Her being a boy is worse than her being an axe-murder?!”
“Well…”
At that, Soojung had to laugh; Jinri was so…transparent sometimes. Which was odd because at other times she was so hard to read.
There was a knock at the door.
“That’s her!” Jinri yelled.
“Or him!” Soojung teased, giggling slightly.
Jinri looked back at her in panic before adding “Or the axe-murderer!”
“Yes, because that is SO much better.” Soojung rolled her eyes.
They both stood in front of the closed door, staring at each other.
“Okay, are we presentable?” Soojung asked, as she looked the older girl up and down.
Jinri brushed an invisible speck of dust from Soojung’s hair before saying “There, we’re acceptable.”
They both took a deep breath and opened the door.
“Hi, I’m Am-“
And then Jinri immediately closed it.
“Oh my god, Soojung, it’s a guy. IT’S A GUY. It is a male. A guy. A…penis.” Jinri whispered, trying not to hyperventilate now.
And Soojung was trying to keep from laughing and going “See, this is what happens when you don’t listen to me…”
“Don’t laugh!”
“I’m not!”
“What do we do?!”
“Let’s just tell him we’re sorry but we were looking for a female roommate.” Soojung was serious now, feeling sorry for her panicking best friend.
“Okay, okay, yeah, let’s do that.”
“Breathe.”
Jinri took yet another deep breath.
“Smile.”
Jinri smiled that smile most people envied her for.
“Great and…” Soojung slowly opened the door. The boy was still standing there in loose-fitting baggy jeans, ashy blonde short hair, and a t-shirt with the name of some band written across it. He had a guitar case on his back and several bags in his hands, not to mention two small boxes next to him.
“Hi, we’re so sorry but-”
“I heard you guys. But I’m a girl. My name’s Amber.”
Jinri opened her mouth to talk, Soojung had an eyebrow raised.
Amber sighed; she was used to this by now.
“I just dress like this because it’s more comfortable but I swear to you, I am a girl.”
“Really? Prove i-” Soojung’s words were cut short by Jinri’s hand wrapping itself around her mouth.
“We believe you. Sorry, really. Please come in. I’m Jinri and this is-Hey! Don’t lick my-Gross!” Jinri removed her now drool-ridden hand, rushing into the apartment to wash it.
Soojung glared at the taller girl’s retreating figure. “I’m Soojung. Nice to meet you.”
Amber smiled, feeling a little less nervous now.
“Here, let me help you with those.” Soojung reached over to the boxes but Amber stopped her.
“It’s okay, I’ve got it.” She shifted the bags in her hands and somehow managed to pick up both boxes.
“What a gentleman.” Soojung commented, a slight smirk on her face.
Amber smiled goofily and took her first uneasy step into her brand new apartment with her two new roommates.
~o~
In the weeks and months that followed, the two girls quickly warmed up to their new roommate, and likewise, Amber soon felt like she had known them forever. Or at least, she felt that way with Soojung.
With Jinri, it was different. They could easily tease, laugh and sometimes even playfully hit each other but they had never sat down and had an honest, heart-to-heart conversation. Not that either girl really minded, they liked their relationship that way for the most part and were in no rush to change things.
Things remained the same for a while, until one night the three girls went to a house party together. Jinri didn’t particularly like these sorts of things but went along so she wouldn’t be alone in the apartment.
“Dude, just throw it, I can totally catch it in my mouth!” Jonghyun, one of Soojung’s friends and Amber’s classmates, was jumping around with his mouth open, waiting for Amber to throw a marshmallow in the air.
“If you miss, you owe me five bucks.” Amber laughed, reaching into the bag, picking the perfect marshmallow.
Jonghyun sniggered. “I got this.”
Amber pulled out the marshmallow, winded up her arm and threw it.
It hit Jonghyun right in the middle of his forehead, Jonghyun was quick to react. He reached down, grabbed the marshmallow and threw it right back at Amber. It wasn’t long until marshmallows were flying everywhere and laughter filled the room.
Soojung appeared from god-knows-where and grabbed Jonghyun by the arm. She was slightly buzzed already. “So immature…” She mumbled. “C’mon, Jonghyun.” And then she dragged him out of the room.
Jinri watched all this, as she stood with a beer in her hand, next to a table of snacks. She sighed, feeling oddly uncomfortable now and claustrophobic. She needed some air. The tall girl made her way out of the house and onto the empty back porch. It was quieter here and she could see some of the stars from where she sat.
Jinri drank the rest of her beer, feeling a little better now. She heard noises from behind her and turned to see Amber walking towards her, holding two beers in her hands.
“Thanks.” She said as Amber sat down next to her, taking the cold beer.
“You okay?” Amber asked, looking straight at Jinri.
Jinri nodded, laughing nervously. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”
“You just looked kind of upset when Soojung came in, that’s all.”
Jinri flushed, she didn’t know she was being watched at the time. “I’m fine, it was nothing. The air was getting too muggy for me.”
Amber nodded in understanding and took a sip of her beer. “So, I’ve wanted to ask you. Why did you freak out that day I first came in? When you thought I was a boy?”
Jinri took a second to recall the moment then she just barely laughed. “I can’t stand the thought of living with a guy. Boys annoy me.” She answered, wrinkling her nose.
“Why?”
“I can be friends with them but…they’re useless and unnecessary.” And then Jinri didn’t know what came over her, maybe it was the beer, but she looked at Amber and winked. “If you know what I mean.”
Amber’s eyes widened and it took her a few seconds to process what Jinri had just implied. “Oh, okay.” She answered, then sensing that it was going to become awkward if she didn’t say something else, added. “I…sort of agree.” If the girls had any previous suspicions about the other, they were now cleared and confirmed.
Jinri looked at her and smiled. There was a new found understanding between the two now. Some wall that used to stand between them was now torn down, and things that had never been said before were now coming up.
“So what is it with Soojung and Jonghyun? Are they dating?”
Jinri’s smile quickly faded. “No, they just hook up at every party and then Soojung pretends to hate him anywhere else. It’s stupid.” She answered, taking a lengthy drink of her beer after.
“Do you…?” Amber started but couldn’t really finish her question.
Thankfully, Jinri understood and said. “I liked her for a while, it wasn’t anything more than a crush actually, and she was- well, was and still is my best friend. I mean, don’t all girls have a bit of a crush on their best friend?”
“With a best friend like Soojung, who wouldn’t?” Amber interjected, smirking.
Jinri grinned at her. “True but anyway, I remembered reading somewhere that friendship lasts longer than love and I thought why ruin that? So I didn’t entertain those feelings and eventually they went away…Mostly. I just can’t stand her with Jonghyun. There are times when I-” Jinri paused as she watched Amber take a long swig of her beer. She smiled.
“What? I’m listening! You just said-” Amber started but was stopped by Jinri’s laughter.
“Nothing, nothing! I’m just so glad you drink beer. Soojung hates beer.”
“Cheers.” Amber mumbled and clinked her beer against Jinri’s.
That smile remained on Jinri’s face as she once again watched Amber drinking her beer.
“Hey, when someone says cheers both people are supposed to drink.” Amber motioned towards the half full beer in Jinri’s hands.
“Right, cheers!” Jinri laughed again before downing the rest of it.
~o~
Things changed after that, the two began to spend more time with each other; they began to talk more instead of just goofing around like before. They also spent a lot of time in each other’s room. Sometimes playing video games, sometimes making up silly raps and songs to Amber’s guitar strumming; or on other days just lying in one or the other’s bed together, talking about everything and nothing all at once.
A day like today, actually.
“I’m thinking of cutting my hair.” Jinri said, staring at the ceiling as she lay in Amber’s bed, twirling a strand of her hair around her finger.
Amber put aside the guitar she was absent-mindedly strumming to turn to her side and look at Jinri.
“It’s really long.” Amber pointed out, not really knowing what else to say. Topics like hair and make-up and girly things weren’t her forte.
Jinri chuckled. “Yes, I know. I was thinking of cutting it really short. What do you think?”
Amber reached out and held a long strand of Jinri’s hair between her fingers, admiring its silky smoothness. “That would be a waste. Your hair’s really pretty and…I think you look better with long hair.”
“What about you? Have you always had short hair?” Jinri asked, looking at Amber now.
“Mostly. I thought of letting my hair grow out really long once but then I realized that doesn’t really help with getting the girls, ya know?”
“True dat.” Jinri agreed.
There was a slight pause before they both burst out laughing at the ridiculousness of their words. They laughed together and that’s when Jinri felt something. She felt it as she looked at Amber’s smiling face, she felt like she would never be happier than she was now, here with Amber.
~o~
It wasn’t long before Soojung took notice of this sudden closeness, at first she didn’t care but when the two began spending more and more time in each other’s rooms; she thought something must be up. The youngest girl confronted Jinri one day while Amber was in class.
“Hey Jinri…so you and Amber are close.” Soojung brought up as she sat across from Jinri at the kitchen table. The older girl had just gotten up and was eating cereal.
“Yeah, we’re “bros” now.” Jinri made air-quotes as she said that, chuckling to herself. It was an inside joke between the two.
Soojung made a face and rolled her eyes. “You spend a lot of time in her room.”
“She does have a playstation, you know.” Jinri answered, her tone implying that Soojung was stupid for not knowing such an obvious thing.
Soojung sighed. “I’m just gonna say it, are you two fucking?”
Jinri dropped her spoon and her mouth hung open.
There was about three seconds of silence before Jinri burst out laughing.
“Are you serious, Jung Soojung?”
“I’m just saying, the way you two-”
“Are you jealous? Look, if you want me all you gotta do is ask me.” Jinri teased, moments when she got to tease Soojung like this were her favorites.
Soojung scowled at her. “It just seems that way, okay? The way you laugh around each other and how you look at her sometimes. Do you even like her like that?”
“I…” Jinri hesitated; Soojung was quick to pick up on this.
“I knew it! You do like her!”
“I don’t! I told you we’re “bros”!” Jinri hoped saying this would make the topic of her and Amber being a couple funny again but now that Soojung had brought it up, Jinri felt like she was slowly realizing something.
“Bullshit.” Soojung folded her arms. “I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that, I just wanted to know.”
“There’s nothing like that between us, I swear.” Jinri answered, but she felt like she was lying. She felt like that wasn’t what she had really wanted to say.
What she really wanted to say was ”How am I supposed to tell you when I’m not even sure myself?”
~o~
The conversation with Soojung didn’t stop Jinri from hanging around Amber, although the younger girl’s words hung in the back of her mind, constantly repeating themselves whenever Jinri began to feel unsure or whenever she caught herself staring at Amber a little too long.
“Do you even like her like that?”
If Amber noticed Jinri acting weird, she never said anything. She continued to act as she always did with Jinri, completely and totally at ease.
Jinri walked into her apartment after class one Friday and threw herself on the couch. A sigh of relief escaped her lips.
“Free….” She whispered, stretching. Next week was spring break, a whole week of relaxation and sleeping.
“Jinri! You’re home early.” Amber walked out of her room, looking like she had just woken up from a nap.
“Oh hey Amber. What’s up? Are you done for the day?”
“Yup, done for the week.” She threw herself down on the couch next to Jinri.
“What’re you doing for spring break? I keep forgetting to ask you.”
“I didn’t really have anything planned; I was just gonna chill here for most of it.”
“Oh really?” Jinri said, her insides dropping. Usually, she would spend spring break alone in the apartment since Soojung would leave to visit her sister but this time, she wouldn’t be alone. Amber would be there. The whole time.
“Yup! How about you?”
“I…was gonna do the same.”
“Awesome! Hey, wait, Soojung left yesterday right?” Amber’s voice took on a mischievous tone.
“Uh…yeah. Why?” Jinri narrowed her eyes at the older girl, wondering what she was planning.
“Dude. The playstation. We can put it in the living room.” Amber was excited now, already getting up to go get it.
“Wait! And the fridge.” Jinri got up too.
“What about it?”
Jinri jokingly shook her head in disappointment. She tsk’d. “Oh Amber, I thought we were on the same frequency. Guess not.”
“Wait, wait…are you suggesting…?” Amber looked straight at Jinri.
Jinri nodded, knowing Amber understood now.
“You…you are something else.”
“Hey, when the cat’s away the mice play, right?” Jinri smiled, suddenly looking forward to her week with Amber.
“Okay, you stock the fridge. I’ll set up the playstation and buy some snacks. We meet back here in an hour.”
“Got it.”
“Go!”
~o~
About an hour and a half later, Jinri had the entire fridge stocked with bottles and cans of beer, and just for good measure, she filled the freezer with ice cream bars and popsicles. Amber had brought back six bags of Doritos, two boxes of store-made brownies, Oreos, and a several other kinds of junk food.
The two stood in the middle of the kitchen, admiring their purchases.
“We did good, Jinri. We did good.” Amber patted Jinri on the back.
“Not bad…bro.” Jinri chuckled, punching Amber in the shoulder.
“Okay so, Amber and Jinri’s super spring break starts now!” Amber took a can of beer out of the fridge and grabbed a bag of chips.
“Super spring break…” Jinri scoffed. “More like how to gain twenty pounds in a week with Amber and Jinri.”
“Hey, none of that weight shit, we are going to have fun!”
“I didn’t say it wasn’t going to be fun, but we ARE going to get fat.” Jinri said, carefully selecting her beer.
“And we will love every minute of it.”
“Yes, we will.” The two clinked beers and made their way to the living room, getting ready for a playstation marathon.
~o~
3 hours later, the two sat on the couch, empty beer cans and bags assorted around their feet. Amber finished the beer she was holding and burped loudly.
Jinri wrinkled her nose. “Gross.”
Amber laughed, then rested her head on Jinri’s shoulder.
Jinri tensed up at the sudden closeness and found it hard to breathe for a second. The younger girl blinked a few times, trying to get herself to concentrate again.
“This is awesome.” Amber said, and though Jinri couldn’t see her face she could hear the smile in her voice.
“Y-yeah.” Jinri managed to compose herself once again. “I don’t know how we’re gonna keep a whole week of this. I already feel like I’m going to die.”
“Wimp.” Amber teased.
Jinri giggled. “The good kind of die, though.”
“Yeah, whatever.” Amber got up.
Jinri finally felt like she could breathe properly again.
“Another beer?” Amber called from the kitchen.
“Uh, yeah, sure.”
Amber returned, bringing back two ice cold beers.
“We’ll both get beer bellies at this rate.” Jinri said after taking a drink of her beer.
“Will you still be my friend if I get a beer belly?” Amber questioned, sounding playful.
Jinri grinned. “I guess so.”
“Good, because I definitely wouldn’t wanna be yours if you got one.”
“Hey!” Jinri shoved her, chuckling.
“I’m just saying. Pretty girl with a beer belly? That’s not attractive.” Amber looked at her with that goofy grin of hers.
Jinri had to quickly turn away, lest Amber see the blush that was rushing to her cheeks. “Uh, so um, another round of Mortal Kombat?” She quickly changed subjects.
“Sure!” Amber grabbed the controller and was ready to go.
~o~
And so that was how Amber and Jinri spent the rest of the week. Drinking beer, eating junk food and playing video games. Although Jinri was having one of the best spring breaks of her life, she could feel her feelings for Amber getting more intense. She tried to resist them, to think of something else but Amber kept doing and saying things that made Jinri that maybe, just maybe, Amber might feel the same way. Sure, most of the time Amber was just being her joking self but Jinri couldn’t help but think she actually meant some of it.
Jinri left the apartment one day early, before Amber woke up. She needed to get her mind away from that place. The tall girl went to get that haircut she had talked about. At first, she deeply considered chopping it all off and becoming someone new. But then she remembered what Amber had said about long hair and decided against it. She decided to trim it a bit and get bangs instead.
Once the hair stylist was done, Jinri took one long look at herself in the mirror. The bangs gave her face a new sort of maturity to it, and they brought out her big eyes.
“You look like a doll, love.” The feminine man who had just cut her hair commented, standing next to her.
“You think?”
“Yes, much much better than before. The boys will love it.”
Jinri wrinkled her nose like she did that time with Amber.
“Or the girls…” The hair stylist murmured, grinning slightly.
Jinri grinned back. “Thank you, I love it.”
“Anytime, love.”
Jinri paid the man and was quickly out the door and on her way, feeling more confident now. She walked aimlessly around the nearby outlet mall for a bit but didn’t end up buying anything. Honestly, all she really wanted to do was go back to the apartment and show Amber her new hairstyle.
Jinri stopped in front of a store window and stared at her own reflection. She sighed, playing with her new bangs, what was the use to fight it?
She cursed Soojung for bringing the idea of liking Amber into her mind but then she wondered if it hadn’t already been there all along. Jinri just wasn’t aware of it.
“But what’s so wrong about liking Amber?” Jinri kept asking herself this, she couldn’t figure out why she kept resisting it.
Then she remembered what she had said to Amber that night on the porch.
“Friendship lasts longer than love…”
That’s when Jinri decided she wouldn’t fall for a friend, she wouldn’t ruin things. She wouldn’t hurt herself or anyone else.
Jinri was dead set and filled with resolve as she got to her apartment, standing up straight and almost walking past Amber as she rushed into the place.
“Woah, hey, who’s that?” Amber said, only seeing the back of Jinri’s head.
“I got a haircut today.” Jinri mumbled, still not facing her.
“Lemme see!” Amber sounded excited.
Jinri slowly turned, avoiding Amber’s gaze at first, looking down.
“Wow.” Amber whispered and then said nothing for a few seconds.
Jinri tried to fight it but she couldn’t help looking up and meeting her eyes.
“You look…” Amber started.
“Don’t you dare say it.” Jinri narrowed her eyes at her.
“Hot.” Amber finished, a cheeky smile on her face.
Jinri pretended to be mad and playfully punched the shorter girl in the shoulder. Amber was joking of course, but Jinri sort of wished she really meant it.
“Ow! Hey, I’m serious! You’re smoking hot, let’s make out.” Amber laughed, joking again.
And though Jinri knew once again that Amber was joking, they joked around like this all the time, Jinri made the stupid mistake of stopping to considerate it. That previous feeling of resolve she had was completely melting away.
Amber noticed this, felt an awkward silence about to come between them and quickly changed the subject.
“Um so, I’m gonna go out for a bit today but I’ll be back later tonight. Let’s have another Mortal Kombat marathon, okay? I’ll bring back some more beer too.”
“Okay, sounds good.”
“You’re not going anywhere?”
“No, I think I’m just going to take a nap.”
“I feel you, bro. Doing nothing but playing video games and eating Cheetos really takes it out of you.”
Jinri fought back a smile and rolled her eyes. “See you later.”
“Bye!”
As soon as Amber closed the door behind her, Jinri felt like punching herself in the face.
”What is wrong with you?” She thought, hating herself for being so weak.
She told herself to stop thinking about it, to ignore every thought of Amber that might come up. She tried to watch TV for a bit but the only things on were stupid romantic comedies and that was definitely not helping. Taking a nap also failed because whenever she found herself on the edge of sleep, when her mind was less guarded, thoughts of Amber would creep in and take over.
Jinri lay on her bed and looked at the ceiling. There was only one other thing to do now.
“Fuck it.” She said, jumping off the bed and making her way to the kitchen.
She got herself a glass of ice and then went to open the highest drawers in the kitchen. This was Soojung’s stash and only Soojung’s but Jinri didn’t care. It was the only thing that would help.
Or at least that’s what she thought.
Once she was a bottle down, she realized this wasn’t such a good idea. The alcohol took her away her ability to form rational thoughts and all she could do now was lay on the floor in the middle of the living room talking to herself.
“Yah, Choi Jinri. You’re stupid, you know. You hate boys and then you basically fall for one. Stupid, stupid, stupid.” She tapped herself on the head every time she said the word.
“Idiot.” Another strong tap on the head.
“Stupid.” A long swig of the alcohol, straight from the bottle. It burned as it went down and settled in her stomach, setting her insides ablaze.
Jinri groaned.
“Amber.” She whispered her name and as soon as the word left her lips, she smiled.
“Amber, Amber, Amber.” She kept saying it, too drunk to stop herself.
“Amber, I really like you. Amber, I think…” But she wasn’t drunk enough to say that yet.
Now a bottle and a half down, she had gotten to that stage where she couldn’t stop crying.
And this was exactly when Amber decided to get home.
“Jinri, I’m hom-“ But she stopped when she recognized the sounds of Jinri’s sobs. Amber rushed over to the younger girl, her eyes wide and filled with concern.
“What’s wrong? What’s wrong? Are you okay?” She had both hands on Jinri’s shoulders, not sure if she should take the girl in her arms or shake her till she felt better.
Jinri only shook her head, hands covering most of her face. Her body shook with each sob.
That’s when Amber noticed the bottle and smelt the alcohol on Jinri’s breath.
“Wait, why are you drinking? Are you…Why are you drunk?”
It took Jinri a few tries but she managed to sputter out. “Because…”
“Because?” Amber looked at her, her eyes expectant and her thoughts filled with worry.
“Because I’m in love with you. I love you. I LOVE YOU!” Jinri was laughing now; it was all so funny to her all of a sudden. Why hide it? What was the point?
Amber sighed and helped Jinri get up. “You’re drunk. C’mon. Let’s put you to bed.”
“But it’s true. I love you, I love you.” Jinri couldn’t stop herself from saying it, now that the words were out in the open she felt so free.
Amber put Jinri’s arm over her shoulder, trying to get her to walk. She was surprisingly heavy. “Yeah, okay, let’s go to bed.”
“I’d go to bed with you any day.” Jinri giggled, her legs wobbling beneath her.
Somehow Amber managed to get Jinri into her room and on her bed. She went to the kitchen and brought back a glass of water and some Tylenol.
“Here’s some water and pills. Call me if you need anything.” But as Amber turned to leave, Jinri gripped her wrist.
“Don’t….” She whispered, the tears would start again at any moment.
“What? What’s wrong?”
“Stay with me? Please?”
Amber hesitated and looked at the door. She was afraid of what might come out of this.
“Please…” Jinri pleaded again and the sincerity of it all hit Amber like a wave. The eldest sighed, kicking off her shoes and slipping into the bed with Jinri.
“Alright, alright. Just don’t throw up on me.”
Jinri laughed, she was drunk but she was happy, at least for the moment. “I won’t.”
“Why did you do this to yourself?” Amber asked, turning to her side and staring at Jinri lying next to her.
“Because I love you.” The alcohol was still present enough in Jinri’s system to not stop her from saying whatever she wanted, from saying what she really meant.
Amber sighed again. “Okay, okay. I love you, too.”
Jinri smiled, sidling up to Amber. She raised her hand and traced her finger from Amber’s forehead to her nose. “You’re cute.”
“And you’re drunk. You should really sleep.”
“You promise you won’t get up and leave as soon as I close my eyes?”
“I won’t.”
“Even if I throw up on you?”
“I’ll clean it up.”
“I love you.”
“Go to sleep, Jinri.”
Jinri closed her eyes, relishing in the feeling of Amber’s warm body next to her.
“Goodnight, Amber, and…thank you.” Jinri whispered, her eyes still closed.
Jinri didn’t see it but she felt it. Amber’s hand coming down and brushing her bangs out of her face. The warmth of her touch was enough to make Jinri (figuratively) melt. Amber’s lips planted a soft kiss on her forehead. “Night, Jinri.”
~o~
When Jinri woke up the next morning there was a pounding in her head and a strange feeling that something was missing. She opened her eyes little by little, wincing at the sunshine, wincing at the pain every movement brought her. And then she winced at the memory of last night.
It all came back to her. That strange feeling she had was the absence of Amber’s body lying next to her. She shut her eyes closed, not because she wanted to go back to sleep but because she was hoping if she closed them tight enough she would quietly and quickly die.
“You idiot, you idiot, you idiot.” She said over and over, her voice raspy for some odd reason. It must’ve been all that crying.
Then Jinri heard movement from outside the door and soon, Amber burst through holding a tray of food.
“You’re up!” Amber said loudly but when she noticed Jinri frowning at the sound, she quickly apologized. “Oh, right, sorry. Here, I made you an omelet, it’s pretty much the only thing I can make but I’ve been told they’re the best.”
“T-thanks…” Jinri mumbled, unable to look Amber in the eyes. She was still hoping the floor would open up and swallow her whole.
“How’re you feeling?” Amber sat at the edge of the bed, cocking her head, trying to get a good look at Jinri.
“My head hurts.”
Amber nodded. “Oh! Wait, don’t eat yet. Take the pills first.” Amber reached over to the nightstand and handed them to Jinri.
Their hands brushed against each other’s as Jinri took the pills in hers. Amber’s hands were just as warm as they’d been yesterday.
“Thank you.” Jinri still hadn’t met Amber’s gaze.
“Aside from the hangover, are you okay?” Amber asked, she sounded genuinely concerned.
Jinri nodded. “I’m okay.”
Jinri caught a glimpse of Amber’s smile as she spoke. “I’m glad. I was sort of worried there.”
“Sorry.”
“Don’t be. It’s all good. And hey, next time you plan on getting wasted, invite me!”
Jinri laughed nervously and then she sighed. Jinri knew Amber was too good of a person to bring up the things she had said to her last night.
But Jinri knew if she didn’t say something now, she would keep quiet about it forever. It would remain forever unspoken of but would always be hanging in the air around them. No, Jinri didn’t want that. She wanted everything to be clear.
“Look, Amber, about last night.” Jinri looked up and met her gaze for the first time that morning.
“Hm? What about it?” Of course, leave it to Amber to pretend to be completely oblivious about it. She was probably dreading this conversation as much as Jinri was.
“The things I said…” Jinri started but wasn’t sure how to go on. Should she lie and say it was just drunken rambling or should she fess up?
“Oh, that.” Amber chuckled. “It’s okay, I get it. You were drunk, everyone gets like that when they’re drunk.”
Jinri shook her head. “No. The things I said…they were…” Jinri paused and took a deep breath, then winced as it made her head hurt even more. She forced herself to look straight at Amber. “The things I said, they were all true.”
Amber’s eyebrows rose. “Oh.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t.”
“I’m really sorry, I ruined everything, didn’t I? So much for bros for life, huh?” Jinri didn’t realize it, but there was a tear trailing down her cheek.
“Stop that.” Amber reached over and hugged the taller girl.
“Can I be honest? Since it seems like that’s what’s going on right now.”
Jinri nodded in her embrace, her nose brushing against the top of Amber’s shoulder.
“I know Soojung is the hotter one and all-Ow!” Jinri punched the eldest in the rib, still, she was laughing.
“I wanted you. And I was going to try but then that night on the porch at that party where you said that whole thing about friendship and love. I didn’t want to ruin things. So I sort of forced myself to give up.” There was no mistaking the honesty in Amber’s voice. Jinri pulled away from Amber’s embrace, she needed to see her face to believe it.
Amber just looked at her, a shy smile on her face.
“What are you saying?”
“Basically, if you’re okay with this then I’m okay with this.”
“Really?” Jinri failed to fight back a huge stupid smile from forming on her face. The kind of smile that touched her eyes, turning them into perfect crescents.
Amber nodded. It was also the first time Jinri had seen her blush.
“I’m okay with this. I’m okay with…us.” Jinri murmured, shifting closer to Amber again.
It was Amber who closed the gap between them, their lips meeting and pressing softly against each other’s for a brief moment. They were still uncertain, unsure if this was the right way to go. They could sense each other’s hesitation.
Nevertheless, the kiss was short but it was right. It sent butterflies fluttering through Jinri’s stomach, making her feel like a giddy school girl.
They pulled away. “That’s going to take some getting used to.” Amber spoke first.
“Yeah.” Jinri didn’t know what else to say, honestly, she wanted to kiss her again.
“We should get used to it right now.” Amber said, though she sounded shy.
Jinri giggled. “Sounds good to me.”
The second time their lips met was much longer, the kiss was deeper, the kiss was certain this time. Amber’s hand rose, touching Jinri’s face. Jinri involuntarily pressed herself into the touch. Amber was so warm, so comforting.
When they pulled away, it was after a much longer time.
“How was that?”
“Much better but…”
“But?”
“It needs some more getting used to.”
Amber couldn’t laugh for long before Jinri’s lips came against hers once again.
The End.
pairing: sulli/amber
summary: Sulli and Krystal are in desperate need of a new roommate before the new semester starts, however the only person willing to take it is someone they least expect.
notes: written for blingdingdong
“Did you even meet her before letting her move in?”
“Umm, sort of?”
“Sort of?!”
“Hey! We were desperate and no one wanted the room so I gave it to the first person that called.”
“So you only talked to her?”
“Yeah and I-”
“So you don’t even know what she looks like, or what she’s like? She could be an ax-murderer for all we know!”
“Oh my god, what if she’s not even a she? Her voice was kind of…”
Soojung looked up from her frantic cleaning to glare at the older girl. “Her being a boy is worse than her being an axe-murder?!”
“Well…”
At that, Soojung had to laugh; Jinri was so…transparent sometimes. Which was odd because at other times she was so hard to read.
There was a knock at the door.
“That’s her!” Jinri yelled.
“Or him!” Soojung teased, giggling slightly.
Jinri looked back at her in panic before adding “Or the axe-murderer!”
“Yes, because that is SO much better.” Soojung rolled her eyes.
They both stood in front of the closed door, staring at each other.
“Okay, are we presentable?” Soojung asked, as she looked the older girl up and down.
Jinri brushed an invisible speck of dust from Soojung’s hair before saying “There, we’re acceptable.”
They both took a deep breath and opened the door.
“Hi, I’m Am-“
And then Jinri immediately closed it.
“Oh my god, Soojung, it’s a guy. IT’S A GUY. It is a male. A guy. A…penis.” Jinri whispered, trying not to hyperventilate now.
And Soojung was trying to keep from laughing and going “See, this is what happens when you don’t listen to me…”
“Don’t laugh!”
“I’m not!”
“What do we do?!”
“Let’s just tell him we’re sorry but we were looking for a female roommate.” Soojung was serious now, feeling sorry for her panicking best friend.
“Okay, okay, yeah, let’s do that.”
“Breathe.”
Jinri took yet another deep breath.
“Smile.”
Jinri smiled that smile most people envied her for.
“Great and…” Soojung slowly opened the door. The boy was still standing there in loose-fitting baggy jeans, ashy blonde short hair, and a t-shirt with the name of some band written across it. He had a guitar case on his back and several bags in his hands, not to mention two small boxes next to him.
“Hi, we’re so sorry but-”
“I heard you guys. But I’m a girl. My name’s Amber.”
Jinri opened her mouth to talk, Soojung had an eyebrow raised.
Amber sighed; she was used to this by now.
“I just dress like this because it’s more comfortable but I swear to you, I am a girl.”
“Really? Prove i-” Soojung’s words were cut short by Jinri’s hand wrapping itself around her mouth.
“We believe you. Sorry, really. Please come in. I’m Jinri and this is-Hey! Don’t lick my-Gross!” Jinri removed her now drool-ridden hand, rushing into the apartment to wash it.
Soojung glared at the taller girl’s retreating figure. “I’m Soojung. Nice to meet you.”
Amber smiled, feeling a little less nervous now.
“Here, let me help you with those.” Soojung reached over to the boxes but Amber stopped her.
“It’s okay, I’ve got it.” She shifted the bags in her hands and somehow managed to pick up both boxes.
“What a gentleman.” Soojung commented, a slight smirk on her face.
Amber smiled goofily and took her first uneasy step into her brand new apartment with her two new roommates.
~o~
In the weeks and months that followed, the two girls quickly warmed up to their new roommate, and likewise, Amber soon felt like she had known them forever. Or at least, she felt that way with Soojung.
With Jinri, it was different. They could easily tease, laugh and sometimes even playfully hit each other but they had never sat down and had an honest, heart-to-heart conversation. Not that either girl really minded, they liked their relationship that way for the most part and were in no rush to change things.
Things remained the same for a while, until one night the three girls went to a house party together. Jinri didn’t particularly like these sorts of things but went along so she wouldn’t be alone in the apartment.
“Dude, just throw it, I can totally catch it in my mouth!” Jonghyun, one of Soojung’s friends and Amber’s classmates, was jumping around with his mouth open, waiting for Amber to throw a marshmallow in the air.
“If you miss, you owe me five bucks.” Amber laughed, reaching into the bag, picking the perfect marshmallow.
Jonghyun sniggered. “I got this.”
Amber pulled out the marshmallow, winded up her arm and threw it.
It hit Jonghyun right in the middle of his forehead, Jonghyun was quick to react. He reached down, grabbed the marshmallow and threw it right back at Amber. It wasn’t long until marshmallows were flying everywhere and laughter filled the room.
Soojung appeared from god-knows-where and grabbed Jonghyun by the arm. She was slightly buzzed already. “So immature…” She mumbled. “C’mon, Jonghyun.” And then she dragged him out of the room.
Jinri watched all this, as she stood with a beer in her hand, next to a table of snacks. She sighed, feeling oddly uncomfortable now and claustrophobic. She needed some air. The tall girl made her way out of the house and onto the empty back porch. It was quieter here and she could see some of the stars from where she sat.
Jinri drank the rest of her beer, feeling a little better now. She heard noises from behind her and turned to see Amber walking towards her, holding two beers in her hands.
“Thanks.” She said as Amber sat down next to her, taking the cold beer.
“You okay?” Amber asked, looking straight at Jinri.
Jinri nodded, laughing nervously. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”
“You just looked kind of upset when Soojung came in, that’s all.”
Jinri flushed, she didn’t know she was being watched at the time. “I’m fine, it was nothing. The air was getting too muggy for me.”
Amber nodded in understanding and took a sip of her beer. “So, I’ve wanted to ask you. Why did you freak out that day I first came in? When you thought I was a boy?”
Jinri took a second to recall the moment then she just barely laughed. “I can’t stand the thought of living with a guy. Boys annoy me.” She answered, wrinkling her nose.
“Why?”
“I can be friends with them but…they’re useless and unnecessary.” And then Jinri didn’t know what came over her, maybe it was the beer, but she looked at Amber and winked. “If you know what I mean.”
Amber’s eyes widened and it took her a few seconds to process what Jinri had just implied. “Oh, okay.” She answered, then sensing that it was going to become awkward if she didn’t say something else, added. “I…sort of agree.” If the girls had any previous suspicions about the other, they were now cleared and confirmed.
Jinri looked at her and smiled. There was a new found understanding between the two now. Some wall that used to stand between them was now torn down, and things that had never been said before were now coming up.
“So what is it with Soojung and Jonghyun? Are they dating?”
Jinri’s smile quickly faded. “No, they just hook up at every party and then Soojung pretends to hate him anywhere else. It’s stupid.” She answered, taking a lengthy drink of her beer after.
“Do you…?” Amber started but couldn’t really finish her question.
Thankfully, Jinri understood and said. “I liked her for a while, it wasn’t anything more than a crush actually, and she was- well, was and still is my best friend. I mean, don’t all girls have a bit of a crush on their best friend?”
“With a best friend like Soojung, who wouldn’t?” Amber interjected, smirking.
Jinri grinned at her. “True but anyway, I remembered reading somewhere that friendship lasts longer than love and I thought why ruin that? So I didn’t entertain those feelings and eventually they went away…Mostly. I just can’t stand her with Jonghyun. There are times when I-” Jinri paused as she watched Amber take a long swig of her beer. She smiled.
“What? I’m listening! You just said-” Amber started but was stopped by Jinri’s laughter.
“Nothing, nothing! I’m just so glad you drink beer. Soojung hates beer.”
“Cheers.” Amber mumbled and clinked her beer against Jinri’s.
That smile remained on Jinri’s face as she once again watched Amber drinking her beer.
“Hey, when someone says cheers both people are supposed to drink.” Amber motioned towards the half full beer in Jinri’s hands.
“Right, cheers!” Jinri laughed again before downing the rest of it.
~o~
Things changed after that, the two began to spend more time with each other; they began to talk more instead of just goofing around like before. They also spent a lot of time in each other’s room. Sometimes playing video games, sometimes making up silly raps and songs to Amber’s guitar strumming; or on other days just lying in one or the other’s bed together, talking about everything and nothing all at once.
A day like today, actually.
“I’m thinking of cutting my hair.” Jinri said, staring at the ceiling as she lay in Amber’s bed, twirling a strand of her hair around her finger.
Amber put aside the guitar she was absent-mindedly strumming to turn to her side and look at Jinri.
“It’s really long.” Amber pointed out, not really knowing what else to say. Topics like hair and make-up and girly things weren’t her forte.
Jinri chuckled. “Yes, I know. I was thinking of cutting it really short. What do you think?”
Amber reached out and held a long strand of Jinri’s hair between her fingers, admiring its silky smoothness. “That would be a waste. Your hair’s really pretty and…I think you look better with long hair.”
“What about you? Have you always had short hair?” Jinri asked, looking at Amber now.
“Mostly. I thought of letting my hair grow out really long once but then I realized that doesn’t really help with getting the girls, ya know?”
“True dat.” Jinri agreed.
There was a slight pause before they both burst out laughing at the ridiculousness of their words. They laughed together and that’s when Jinri felt something. She felt it as she looked at Amber’s smiling face, she felt like she would never be happier than she was now, here with Amber.
~o~
It wasn’t long before Soojung took notice of this sudden closeness, at first she didn’t care but when the two began spending more and more time in each other’s rooms; she thought something must be up. The youngest girl confronted Jinri one day while Amber was in class.
“Hey Jinri…so you and Amber are close.” Soojung brought up as she sat across from Jinri at the kitchen table. The older girl had just gotten up and was eating cereal.
“Yeah, we’re “bros” now.” Jinri made air-quotes as she said that, chuckling to herself. It was an inside joke between the two.
Soojung made a face and rolled her eyes. “You spend a lot of time in her room.”
“She does have a playstation, you know.” Jinri answered, her tone implying that Soojung was stupid for not knowing such an obvious thing.
Soojung sighed. “I’m just gonna say it, are you two fucking?”
Jinri dropped her spoon and her mouth hung open.
There was about three seconds of silence before Jinri burst out laughing.
“Are you serious, Jung Soojung?”
“I’m just saying, the way you two-”
“Are you jealous? Look, if you want me all you gotta do is ask me.” Jinri teased, moments when she got to tease Soojung like this were her favorites.
Soojung scowled at her. “It just seems that way, okay? The way you laugh around each other and how you look at her sometimes. Do you even like her like that?”
“I…” Jinri hesitated; Soojung was quick to pick up on this.
“I knew it! You do like her!”
“I don’t! I told you we’re “bros”!” Jinri hoped saying this would make the topic of her and Amber being a couple funny again but now that Soojung had brought it up, Jinri felt like she was slowly realizing something.
“Bullshit.” Soojung folded her arms. “I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that, I just wanted to know.”
“There’s nothing like that between us, I swear.” Jinri answered, but she felt like she was lying. She felt like that wasn’t what she had really wanted to say.
What she really wanted to say was ”How am I supposed to tell you when I’m not even sure myself?”
~o~
The conversation with Soojung didn’t stop Jinri from hanging around Amber, although the younger girl’s words hung in the back of her mind, constantly repeating themselves whenever Jinri began to feel unsure or whenever she caught herself staring at Amber a little too long.
“Do you even like her like that?”
If Amber noticed Jinri acting weird, she never said anything. She continued to act as she always did with Jinri, completely and totally at ease.
Jinri walked into her apartment after class one Friday and threw herself on the couch. A sigh of relief escaped her lips.
“Free….” She whispered, stretching. Next week was spring break, a whole week of relaxation and sleeping.
“Jinri! You’re home early.” Amber walked out of her room, looking like she had just woken up from a nap.
“Oh hey Amber. What’s up? Are you done for the day?”
“Yup, done for the week.” She threw herself down on the couch next to Jinri.
“What’re you doing for spring break? I keep forgetting to ask you.”
“I didn’t really have anything planned; I was just gonna chill here for most of it.”
“Oh really?” Jinri said, her insides dropping. Usually, she would spend spring break alone in the apartment since Soojung would leave to visit her sister but this time, she wouldn’t be alone. Amber would be there. The whole time.
“Yup! How about you?”
“I…was gonna do the same.”
“Awesome! Hey, wait, Soojung left yesterday right?” Amber’s voice took on a mischievous tone.
“Uh…yeah. Why?” Jinri narrowed her eyes at the older girl, wondering what she was planning.
“Dude. The playstation. We can put it in the living room.” Amber was excited now, already getting up to go get it.
“Wait! And the fridge.” Jinri got up too.
“What about it?”
Jinri jokingly shook her head in disappointment. She tsk’d. “Oh Amber, I thought we were on the same frequency. Guess not.”
“Wait, wait…are you suggesting…?” Amber looked straight at Jinri.
Jinri nodded, knowing Amber understood now.
“You…you are something else.”
“Hey, when the cat’s away the mice play, right?” Jinri smiled, suddenly looking forward to her week with Amber.
“Okay, you stock the fridge. I’ll set up the playstation and buy some snacks. We meet back here in an hour.”
“Got it.”
“Go!”
~o~
About an hour and a half later, Jinri had the entire fridge stocked with bottles and cans of beer, and just for good measure, she filled the freezer with ice cream bars and popsicles. Amber had brought back six bags of Doritos, two boxes of store-made brownies, Oreos, and a several other kinds of junk food.
The two stood in the middle of the kitchen, admiring their purchases.
“We did good, Jinri. We did good.” Amber patted Jinri on the back.
“Not bad…bro.” Jinri chuckled, punching Amber in the shoulder.
“Okay so, Amber and Jinri’s super spring break starts now!” Amber took a can of beer out of the fridge and grabbed a bag of chips.
“Super spring break…” Jinri scoffed. “More like how to gain twenty pounds in a week with Amber and Jinri.”
“Hey, none of that weight shit, we are going to have fun!”
“I didn’t say it wasn’t going to be fun, but we ARE going to get fat.” Jinri said, carefully selecting her beer.
“And we will love every minute of it.”
“Yes, we will.” The two clinked beers and made their way to the living room, getting ready for a playstation marathon.
~o~
3 hours later, the two sat on the couch, empty beer cans and bags assorted around their feet. Amber finished the beer she was holding and burped loudly.
Jinri wrinkled her nose. “Gross.”
Amber laughed, then rested her head on Jinri’s shoulder.
Jinri tensed up at the sudden closeness and found it hard to breathe for a second. The younger girl blinked a few times, trying to get herself to concentrate again.
“This is awesome.” Amber said, and though Jinri couldn’t see her face she could hear the smile in her voice.
“Y-yeah.” Jinri managed to compose herself once again. “I don’t know how we’re gonna keep a whole week of this. I already feel like I’m going to die.”
“Wimp.” Amber teased.
Jinri giggled. “The good kind of die, though.”
“Yeah, whatever.” Amber got up.
Jinri finally felt like she could breathe properly again.
“Another beer?” Amber called from the kitchen.
“Uh, yeah, sure.”
Amber returned, bringing back two ice cold beers.
“We’ll both get beer bellies at this rate.” Jinri said after taking a drink of her beer.
“Will you still be my friend if I get a beer belly?” Amber questioned, sounding playful.
Jinri grinned. “I guess so.”
“Good, because I definitely wouldn’t wanna be yours if you got one.”
“Hey!” Jinri shoved her, chuckling.
“I’m just saying. Pretty girl with a beer belly? That’s not attractive.” Amber looked at her with that goofy grin of hers.
Jinri had to quickly turn away, lest Amber see the blush that was rushing to her cheeks. “Uh, so um, another round of Mortal Kombat?” She quickly changed subjects.
“Sure!” Amber grabbed the controller and was ready to go.
~o~
And so that was how Amber and Jinri spent the rest of the week. Drinking beer, eating junk food and playing video games. Although Jinri was having one of the best spring breaks of her life, she could feel her feelings for Amber getting more intense. She tried to resist them, to think of something else but Amber kept doing and saying things that made Jinri that maybe, just maybe, Amber might feel the same way. Sure, most of the time Amber was just being her joking self but Jinri couldn’t help but think she actually meant some of it.
Jinri left the apartment one day early, before Amber woke up. She needed to get her mind away from that place. The tall girl went to get that haircut she had talked about. At first, she deeply considered chopping it all off and becoming someone new. But then she remembered what Amber had said about long hair and decided against it. She decided to trim it a bit and get bangs instead.
Once the hair stylist was done, Jinri took one long look at herself in the mirror. The bangs gave her face a new sort of maturity to it, and they brought out her big eyes.
“You look like a doll, love.” The feminine man who had just cut her hair commented, standing next to her.
“You think?”
“Yes, much much better than before. The boys will love it.”
Jinri wrinkled her nose like she did that time with Amber.
“Or the girls…” The hair stylist murmured, grinning slightly.
Jinri grinned back. “Thank you, I love it.”
“Anytime, love.”
Jinri paid the man and was quickly out the door and on her way, feeling more confident now. She walked aimlessly around the nearby outlet mall for a bit but didn’t end up buying anything. Honestly, all she really wanted to do was go back to the apartment and show Amber her new hairstyle.
Jinri stopped in front of a store window and stared at her own reflection. She sighed, playing with her new bangs, what was the use to fight it?
She cursed Soojung for bringing the idea of liking Amber into her mind but then she wondered if it hadn’t already been there all along. Jinri just wasn’t aware of it.
“But what’s so wrong about liking Amber?” Jinri kept asking herself this, she couldn’t figure out why she kept resisting it.
Then she remembered what she had said to Amber that night on the porch.
“Friendship lasts longer than love…”
That’s when Jinri decided she wouldn’t fall for a friend, she wouldn’t ruin things. She wouldn’t hurt herself or anyone else.
Jinri was dead set and filled with resolve as she got to her apartment, standing up straight and almost walking past Amber as she rushed into the place.
“Woah, hey, who’s that?” Amber said, only seeing the back of Jinri’s head.
“I got a haircut today.” Jinri mumbled, still not facing her.
“Lemme see!” Amber sounded excited.
Jinri slowly turned, avoiding Amber’s gaze at first, looking down.
“Wow.” Amber whispered and then said nothing for a few seconds.
Jinri tried to fight it but she couldn’t help looking up and meeting her eyes.
“You look…” Amber started.
“Don’t you dare say it.” Jinri narrowed her eyes at her.
“Hot.” Amber finished, a cheeky smile on her face.
Jinri pretended to be mad and playfully punched the shorter girl in the shoulder. Amber was joking of course, but Jinri sort of wished she really meant it.
“Ow! Hey, I’m serious! You’re smoking hot, let’s make out.” Amber laughed, joking again.
And though Jinri knew once again that Amber was joking, they joked around like this all the time, Jinri made the stupid mistake of stopping to considerate it. That previous feeling of resolve she had was completely melting away.
Amber noticed this, felt an awkward silence about to come between them and quickly changed the subject.
“Um so, I’m gonna go out for a bit today but I’ll be back later tonight. Let’s have another Mortal Kombat marathon, okay? I’ll bring back some more beer too.”
“Okay, sounds good.”
“You’re not going anywhere?”
“No, I think I’m just going to take a nap.”
“I feel you, bro. Doing nothing but playing video games and eating Cheetos really takes it out of you.”
Jinri fought back a smile and rolled her eyes. “See you later.”
“Bye!”
As soon as Amber closed the door behind her, Jinri felt like punching herself in the face.
”What is wrong with you?” She thought, hating herself for being so weak.
She told herself to stop thinking about it, to ignore every thought of Amber that might come up. She tried to watch TV for a bit but the only things on were stupid romantic comedies and that was definitely not helping. Taking a nap also failed because whenever she found herself on the edge of sleep, when her mind was less guarded, thoughts of Amber would creep in and take over.
Jinri lay on her bed and looked at the ceiling. There was only one other thing to do now.
“Fuck it.” She said, jumping off the bed and making her way to the kitchen.
She got herself a glass of ice and then went to open the highest drawers in the kitchen. This was Soojung’s stash and only Soojung’s but Jinri didn’t care. It was the only thing that would help.
Or at least that’s what she thought.
Once she was a bottle down, she realized this wasn’t such a good idea. The alcohol took her away her ability to form rational thoughts and all she could do now was lay on the floor in the middle of the living room talking to herself.
“Yah, Choi Jinri. You’re stupid, you know. You hate boys and then you basically fall for one. Stupid, stupid, stupid.” She tapped herself on the head every time she said the word.
“Idiot.” Another strong tap on the head.
“Stupid.” A long swig of the alcohol, straight from the bottle. It burned as it went down and settled in her stomach, setting her insides ablaze.
Jinri groaned.
“Amber.” She whispered her name and as soon as the word left her lips, she smiled.
“Amber, Amber, Amber.” She kept saying it, too drunk to stop herself.
“Amber, I really like you. Amber, I think…” But she wasn’t drunk enough to say that yet.
Now a bottle and a half down, she had gotten to that stage where she couldn’t stop crying.
And this was exactly when Amber decided to get home.
“Jinri, I’m hom-“ But she stopped when she recognized the sounds of Jinri’s sobs. Amber rushed over to the younger girl, her eyes wide and filled with concern.
“What’s wrong? What’s wrong? Are you okay?” She had both hands on Jinri’s shoulders, not sure if she should take the girl in her arms or shake her till she felt better.
Jinri only shook her head, hands covering most of her face. Her body shook with each sob.
That’s when Amber noticed the bottle and smelt the alcohol on Jinri’s breath.
“Wait, why are you drinking? Are you…Why are you drunk?”
It took Jinri a few tries but she managed to sputter out. “Because…”
“Because?” Amber looked at her, her eyes expectant and her thoughts filled with worry.
“Because I’m in love with you. I love you. I LOVE YOU!” Jinri was laughing now; it was all so funny to her all of a sudden. Why hide it? What was the point?
Amber sighed and helped Jinri get up. “You’re drunk. C’mon. Let’s put you to bed.”
“But it’s true. I love you, I love you.” Jinri couldn’t stop herself from saying it, now that the words were out in the open she felt so free.
Amber put Jinri’s arm over her shoulder, trying to get her to walk. She was surprisingly heavy. “Yeah, okay, let’s go to bed.”
“I’d go to bed with you any day.” Jinri giggled, her legs wobbling beneath her.
Somehow Amber managed to get Jinri into her room and on her bed. She went to the kitchen and brought back a glass of water and some Tylenol.
“Here’s some water and pills. Call me if you need anything.” But as Amber turned to leave, Jinri gripped her wrist.
“Don’t….” She whispered, the tears would start again at any moment.
“What? What’s wrong?”
“Stay with me? Please?”
Amber hesitated and looked at the door. She was afraid of what might come out of this.
“Please…” Jinri pleaded again and the sincerity of it all hit Amber like a wave. The eldest sighed, kicking off her shoes and slipping into the bed with Jinri.
“Alright, alright. Just don’t throw up on me.”
Jinri laughed, she was drunk but she was happy, at least for the moment. “I won’t.”
“Why did you do this to yourself?” Amber asked, turning to her side and staring at Jinri lying next to her.
“Because I love you.” The alcohol was still present enough in Jinri’s system to not stop her from saying whatever she wanted, from saying what she really meant.
Amber sighed again. “Okay, okay. I love you, too.”
Jinri smiled, sidling up to Amber. She raised her hand and traced her finger from Amber’s forehead to her nose. “You’re cute.”
“And you’re drunk. You should really sleep.”
“You promise you won’t get up and leave as soon as I close my eyes?”
“I won’t.”
“Even if I throw up on you?”
“I’ll clean it up.”
“I love you.”
“Go to sleep, Jinri.”
Jinri closed her eyes, relishing in the feeling of Amber’s warm body next to her.
“Goodnight, Amber, and…thank you.” Jinri whispered, her eyes still closed.
Jinri didn’t see it but she felt it. Amber’s hand coming down and brushing her bangs out of her face. The warmth of her touch was enough to make Jinri (figuratively) melt. Amber’s lips planted a soft kiss on her forehead. “Night, Jinri.”
~o~
When Jinri woke up the next morning there was a pounding in her head and a strange feeling that something was missing. She opened her eyes little by little, wincing at the sunshine, wincing at the pain every movement brought her. And then she winced at the memory of last night.
It all came back to her. That strange feeling she had was the absence of Amber’s body lying next to her. She shut her eyes closed, not because she wanted to go back to sleep but because she was hoping if she closed them tight enough she would quietly and quickly die.
“You idiot, you idiot, you idiot.” She said over and over, her voice raspy for some odd reason. It must’ve been all that crying.
Then Jinri heard movement from outside the door and soon, Amber burst through holding a tray of food.
“You’re up!” Amber said loudly but when she noticed Jinri frowning at the sound, she quickly apologized. “Oh, right, sorry. Here, I made you an omelet, it’s pretty much the only thing I can make but I’ve been told they’re the best.”
“T-thanks…” Jinri mumbled, unable to look Amber in the eyes. She was still hoping the floor would open up and swallow her whole.
“How’re you feeling?” Amber sat at the edge of the bed, cocking her head, trying to get a good look at Jinri.
“My head hurts.”
Amber nodded. “Oh! Wait, don’t eat yet. Take the pills first.” Amber reached over to the nightstand and handed them to Jinri.
Their hands brushed against each other’s as Jinri took the pills in hers. Amber’s hands were just as warm as they’d been yesterday.
“Thank you.” Jinri still hadn’t met Amber’s gaze.
“Aside from the hangover, are you okay?” Amber asked, she sounded genuinely concerned.
Jinri nodded. “I’m okay.”
Jinri caught a glimpse of Amber’s smile as she spoke. “I’m glad. I was sort of worried there.”
“Sorry.”
“Don’t be. It’s all good. And hey, next time you plan on getting wasted, invite me!”
Jinri laughed nervously and then she sighed. Jinri knew Amber was too good of a person to bring up the things she had said to her last night.
But Jinri knew if she didn’t say something now, she would keep quiet about it forever. It would remain forever unspoken of but would always be hanging in the air around them. No, Jinri didn’t want that. She wanted everything to be clear.
“Look, Amber, about last night.” Jinri looked up and met her gaze for the first time that morning.
“Hm? What about it?” Of course, leave it to Amber to pretend to be completely oblivious about it. She was probably dreading this conversation as much as Jinri was.
“The things I said…” Jinri started but wasn’t sure how to go on. Should she lie and say it was just drunken rambling or should she fess up?
“Oh, that.” Amber chuckled. “It’s okay, I get it. You were drunk, everyone gets like that when they’re drunk.”
Jinri shook her head. “No. The things I said…they were…” Jinri paused and took a deep breath, then winced as it made her head hurt even more. She forced herself to look straight at Amber. “The things I said, they were all true.”
Amber’s eyebrows rose. “Oh.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t.”
“I’m really sorry, I ruined everything, didn’t I? So much for bros for life, huh?” Jinri didn’t realize it, but there was a tear trailing down her cheek.
“Stop that.” Amber reached over and hugged the taller girl.
“Can I be honest? Since it seems like that’s what’s going on right now.”
Jinri nodded in her embrace, her nose brushing against the top of Amber’s shoulder.
“I know Soojung is the hotter one and all-Ow!” Jinri punched the eldest in the rib, still, she was laughing.
“I wanted you. And I was going to try but then that night on the porch at that party where you said that whole thing about friendship and love. I didn’t want to ruin things. So I sort of forced myself to give up.” There was no mistaking the honesty in Amber’s voice. Jinri pulled away from Amber’s embrace, she needed to see her face to believe it.
Amber just looked at her, a shy smile on her face.
“What are you saying?”
“Basically, if you’re okay with this then I’m okay with this.”
“Really?” Jinri failed to fight back a huge stupid smile from forming on her face. The kind of smile that touched her eyes, turning them into perfect crescents.
Amber nodded. It was also the first time Jinri had seen her blush.
“I’m okay with this. I’m okay with…us.” Jinri murmured, shifting closer to Amber again.
It was Amber who closed the gap between them, their lips meeting and pressing softly against each other’s for a brief moment. They were still uncertain, unsure if this was the right way to go. They could sense each other’s hesitation.
Nevertheless, the kiss was short but it was right. It sent butterflies fluttering through Jinri’s stomach, making her feel like a giddy school girl.
They pulled away. “That’s going to take some getting used to.” Amber spoke first.
“Yeah.” Jinri didn’t know what else to say, honestly, she wanted to kiss her again.
“We should get used to it right now.” Amber said, though she sounded shy.
Jinri giggled. “Sounds good to me.”
The second time their lips met was much longer, the kiss was deeper, the kiss was certain this time. Amber’s hand rose, touching Jinri’s face. Jinri involuntarily pressed herself into the touch. Amber was so warm, so comforting.
When they pulled away, it was after a much longer time.
“How was that?”
“Much better but…”
“But?”
“It needs some more getting used to.”
Amber couldn’t laugh for long before Jinri’s lips came against hers once again.
The End.