can i be your memory?
title: can i be your memory?
pairings: TaeNy
genre: Smut/Fluff
rating: NC-17
note: censored version can be found here here
Taeyeon was having one of those “I will never get over it” moments. It had already been a month since the break-up and she thought she would have been over it by now (especially since she was the one who had broken it off), but no, she kept having these moments. She refused to think about the actual break-up; instead she picked up her phone and started to look through the pictures in it.
Taeyeon sighed as she flipped through the pictures on her phone. Picture after picture brought back another bittersweet memory. She lingered on a specific picture of her and Tiffany. It was probably the first picture they had ever taken together. Taeyeon was smiling awkwardly and Tiffany was kissing her cheek. She sighed again, thinking back to how it all started. It was at a party at Hyoyeon’s house, one that she didn’t really want to be at but was trying to be a good friend and went anyway.
“Spin the bottle? It’s like we’re in middle school again.” Taeyeon heard someone say as she entered the living room to find everyone seated on the floor in a circle.
“Who’s got the bottle?” A girl, who Taeyeon recognized as Tiffany, asked.
She didn’t really know Tiffany all that well. They only had one class together and shared polite chit-chat occasionally.
“Let’s get started!” Some random guy Taeyeon didn’t know announced, putting a bottle in the center of the circle and spun it.
It was stupid, really, and Taeyeon had no idea what she was still doing there until it was her turn. She spun the bottle reluctantly, hoping it didn’t land on some beer soaked frat boy. It spun around, three, four times until it came to a slow stop and pointed towards Tiffany.
“Yes! Finally some action!” Hyoyeon’s annoying boyfriend, Eunhyuk, said.
“Um…” Taeyeon blinked a few times at Tiffany, unsure of what to do.
“Get on it with it!” Another random dude shouted.
Taeyeon slowly moved towards Tiffany. She knew Tiffany was pretty, hell, she was gorgeous but she never truly realized it until she was this close to her.
Taeyeon hesitated even more now, actually giving Tiffany a good look for the first time.
Tiffany smiled and that was about all it took to momentarily daze Taeyeon. Before she could even properly gather herself, Tiffany’s lips pressed against hers.
Taeyeon felt like something clicked inside her. She didn’t know what it was but she felt something and she was sure Tiffany felt it too because the kiss lasted just a little bit too long. It wasn’t until someone loudly cleared their throat that the two broke the kiss.
“Aww! Why’d you break it up?!” Eunhyuk whined and Hyoyeon punched him.
“Anyway! Who’s next?” Hyoyeon quickly asked.
Taeyeon smiled sadly at the memory, now recalling what came after. She and Tiffany could hardly look at each other for days after it. They no longer said hello when they saw each other, instead they just diverted their gaze and hurriedly walked past each other. The awkwardness and embarrassment between the two was too much to bear. Still, Taeyeon couldn’t get Tiffany off her mind. There was something too…real? Special? Taeyeon didn’t know what it was, but that kiss meant something and she wanted to find out what.
They were doing well at avoiding each other until that day in the library.
Taeyeon hated this freakishly huge library. Whenever she wanted a book it was usually on some high unreachable shelf. Right now she was standing on the tips of her toes trying to reach a specific book. It was within reach but then her foot started to cramp up and she almost fell backwards had it not been for someone else walking behind her right at that moment.
“I’m really sorry, I-” Taeyeon abruptly stopped when she realized who it was.
Of course, who else could it be but Tiffany?
“I, um, I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. Don’t worry about it.” Tiffany almost smiled.
Then that awkward silence fell between them, neither knew what to say.
“About-”
“I think-”
They both started at the same time.
“You first.” Tiffany said, the entire time both avoided eye-contact with each other.
“Tiffany…I’m really sorry about the other night.”
“It’s fine.”
“Uh…so…do you think we’ll ever be able to have a decent conversation without feeling incredibly awkward?”
“Probably not.”
“Yeah…again, I’m sorry.” Taeyeon didn’t know what else to say.
“It’s fine.” Apparently, neither did Tiffany because she kept repeating that.
“You think there’s something we can do about it?”
Tiffany took a moment to look Taeyeon straight in the eye before answering. “Yeah, you could just kiss me again and get it over with.”
And Taeyeon did.
That’s what really started it all for them. After that, they were pretty much inseparable. Tiffany began treating Taeyeon’s apartment as her second home. They were in love and neither of them had ever been happier.
Taeyeon pressed the next button on her phone. She let out a weak laugh when she saw the next picture. It was one Tiffany had taken at a party she had forced Taeyeon to go to. Tiffany was all smiles and Taeyeon was pouting. The picture brought on yet another memory. It wasn’t something that happened at the party but rather, on the walk back home after.
“Honestly, Tiffany, you owe me.” Taeyeon grumbled as they walked, arms linked.
“Psh, owe you for what? Sitting on the couch the whole time pouting?” Tiffany sneered, giving Taeyeon a light shove.
“Hey! At least I let you have your fun and didn’t complain.” Taeyeon shoved back.
Tiffany took a second to think about it, her finger on her chin. “Fine, fine. What do I owe you then?”
“A kiss would be enough.” Taeyeon answered, trying to hold back a smile.
Tiffany let out a laugh. “That’s all?”
Taeyeon nodded.
Tiffany laughed again. “Aigoo, Taeyeon-ah. You don’t need to ask me for a kiss.” She paused, facing Taeyeon and taking both of her hands.
“Remember,” Tiffany continued, smiling that smile that Taeyeon couldn’t get enough of. Since we're in love and whatever, you can kiss me whenever you feel like it.” Then she leaned in and closed the gap between their lips.
Taeyeon smiled at Tiffany’s cheesiness. She didn’t know why that memory stood out; there was nothing particularly special about it. She guessed it was those little things that meant the most. Those little things were what she missed most about Tiffany. She wondered how Tiffany was taking it now. Probably over it. She did everything she could to avoid the girl, purposely taking different routes to class. She only caught fleeting glances of her two or three times. She heard she found another girlfriend, some girl named Jessica. The thought of Tiffany with someone else began to make Taeyeon mad; she threw her phone on the bed and went to the fridge, searching for some alcohol. Anything to take her mind off of this, but as she held the bottle in her hand she couldn’t help but think back to another night with Tiffany.
Taeyeon was sitting in bed with a book doing her late night studying when she heard the front door burst open. She then heard what sounded like several objects getting knocked onto the floor and someone cursing.
“Fany, is that you?” Taeyeon called, slowly getting up from the bed and making her way to the living room.
“Tiffany?” She saw the younger girl just barely standing up in the middle of the living room, several books and a clock scattered around her feet.
“Taetae.” Tiffany slurred, wobbly walking up to Taeyeon and throwing her arms around her.
Taeyeon involuntarily shied away, Tiffany reeked of alcohol.
“Tiffany, have you been drinking?” Taeyeon asked, though she didn’t know why she did, the answer was pretty obvious.
Tiffany shook her head, tightening her embrace around Taeyeon.
“Here, let go, I’ll make you some coffee.” Taeyeon tried to push her away but to no avail.
“I don’t want coffee, I want…” She trailed off as she started to plant sloppy kisses on Taeyeon’s neck.
“Tiffany…stop it, you’re drunk.”
“So?” Tiffany’s hand was now on Taeyeon’s thigh, squeezing it.
Taeyeon was finding it increasingly difficult to stop Tiffany when she did that but as Tiffany’s hand started make its way up Taeyeon’s inner thigh Taeyeon knew where this was going and she knew it needed to stop. She pushed Tiffany away, both arms on her shoulders.
“Seriously, Tiffany, stop.”
“Why? I thought you-”
“I do. I love you and I want to but I’m not going to do it if you’re gonna end up not remembering a thing about it tomorrow morning.” Taeyeon’s voice was stern.
“Oh, shut up Taeyeon, it’s just sex.” Tiffany tried to push Taeyeon’s arms off her, but the older girl’s grip was too tight.
“That’s what I mean. I don’t want to do this just because you’re drunk and horny. I want it to mean something. I want the first time to be one we both remember.” Taeyeon’s voice took on a softer tone now, her arms sliding off Tiffany’s shoulders.
“What does it matter?” Tiffany went to kiss Taeyeon but the shorter girl turned away. “Stop it. No.”
That’s when a wave of rejection started to flow through her, stinging her eyes with tears.
“Tiffany…I didn’t-” Taeyeon reached out her hand to wipe a stray tear but Tiffany slapped it away.
“Fuck you.” Tiffany spat then ran to the bathroom as her feelings of rejection started to make her sick.
~o~
Tiffany was over it. She figured if she kept telling herself that, she’d eventually believe it. She had just found a new girlfriend and although, it wasn’t the same, she was happy. Or at least she thought she was. Was she happy? She sighed, unable to concentrate on her textbook now. She heard the front door open, Jessica was home.
“Hey Tiff.” Jessica greeted her, walking over and kissing her cheek.
Tiffany smiled. “Hey Jess, how was your test?”
Jessica shrugged. “Alright, I guess. What’re you doing? Studying?”
Tiffany nodded.
Jessica yawned. “Okay, I’m gonna go take a nap. Wake me when you’re done.”
And Tiffany was alone. As much as she tried to repress it, a memory of her and Taeyeon began to fill her mind, once again unable to study.
“Fany-ah~ Watcha doing?” Taeyeon poked her head through the open doorway curiously.
“Studying.” Tiffany replied from her spot at the desk, not taking her eyes off her book.
“Oh…watcha studying for?” Taeyeon walked up to her, taking a look at her books.
“A test I have on Friday…Taeyeon, how come I never see you studying?” Tiffany turned away from her book for a moment to look up at the older girl.
“I study late at night.” Taeyeon shrugged.
“Again, how come I never see you studying?” Tiffany was always there at night (usually spending the night) so she knew it wasn’t true.
“I study after you fall asleep.”
“Oh, really?” Tiffany wasn’t buying it. “And what exactly do you study at night?”
“You.” Taeyeon answered, smiling mischievously at the younger girl.
“Yah! You creepy cheesy weirdo!” Tiffany laughed, playfully shoving Taeyeon.
Taeyeon chuckled. “Just kidding…sort of. Hey, scoot over, I’ll study with you.” Taeyeon sat down next to Tiffany.
Tiffany sighed. “Go away, I can’t concentrate.”
“I’ll be quiet, I promise. I’m good at that…unlike you.” Taeyeon said that last part under her breath.
“Yah!” Tiffany shoved her girlfriend with her shoulder. “It’s not that. I can’t concentrate when you’re so close.”
Taeyeon didn’t answer, she merely looked at Tiffany, waiting for her to say more.
Tiffany sighed again. “Even though I’m not as obvious as you I still-”
“Obvious? Obvious about what?” Taeyeon asked innocently.
“How obviously in love you are. I see that look in your eyes every time I smile and I know that every time I do this-” Tiffany paused and gently pecked Taeyeon on the lips. “Your heart skips a beat.”
“I…” Taeyeon didn’t know what to say, it was all true.
“Don’t worry. My heart beats a little faster when you’re this close and I find it hard not to kiss you all the time.”
Taeyeon blushed and awkwardly smiled, still at a loss for words.
“And when you smile that crooked smile, my heart skips a beat. So if you don’t leave now, I probably won’t-”
Tiffany was cut short as Taeyeon’s lips pressed against hers. It was a soft, gentle kiss at first but as Taeyeon’s hand made its way along Tiffany’s thigh, the kiss got deeper and more intense.
Tiffany pulled away. “If I fail, it’s your fault.”
“You know it’s worth it.” Taeyeon answered between the kisses she was planting on Tiffany’s neck.
Tiffany grinned because it was true. She grabbed Taeyeon’s hand and lead her to the bed where they could properly continue their advances.
Tiffany did fail that test and quite a few more for the same reason. She sighed, wishing she still had that reason to fail now.
As the weeks went on, Tiffany kept trying to erase Taeyeon from her mind. She kept trying to think of something else whenever thoughts of Taeyeon came up but it seemed like everything she did with Jessica brought on a memory of something she did with Taeyeon. And that memory was usually a thousand times better than whatever she was doing with Jessica at the moment.
She especially hated it when she thought of Taeyeon when she was fooling around with Jessica, like right now for example. Jessica was unbuttoning her shirt and yet all she could think of was her first time with Taeyeon.
Tiffany had woken up one morning feeling like crap after a night of intense drinking and barely remembering a thing. She knew something bad happened last night, something with Taeyeon but she didn’t know what. Taeyeon didn’t even say anything to her about it. In fact, Taeyeon acted like it never happened for which Tiffany was grateful. Still, the younger girl felt guilty for days and she wasn’t even sure about what.
She didn’t mention it to Taeyeon until almost about a week after it happened.
She approached Taeyeon as she was doing her late night studying in bed.
“Taeyeon…” Tiffany just barely whispered.
“Hm?” Taeyeon looked up from her book but when she saw Tiffany’s face, her expression became concerned. “Something wrong?”
“I wanna talk to you about something.” Tiffany said. Taeyeon patted the spot next to her in bed, beckoning Tiffany.
Tiffany curled up next to her girlfriend, took a deep breath then started talking.
“About what happened last week, I-”
“What do you mean?” Taeyeon tried and failed to sound oblivious.
“You know what I mean. Anyway, I don’t know exactly what I did but I know it was something really stupid and I’m really sorry.” Tiffany grabbed Taeyeon’s hand and held it in hers.
“It’s okay, you were drunk. It’s understandable.” Taeyeon gave the younger girl’s hand a squeeze.
Tiffany reached up and pecked Taeyeon on the lips. “Thanks.”
She smiled, glad that was off her chest.
“So, what exactly did I do?” Tiffany asked, now filled with curiosity.
“Do you really wanna know?”
Tiffany nodded.
“You tried to have sex with me.” Taeyeon said seriously.
“Oh.” Was all Tiffany said, had Taeyeon not said it so seriously she probably would’ve laughed.
It was quiet after that, she wasn’t sure what else to say, she barely knew what else to think about other than Taeyeon and sex.
She looked around the room nervously trying to get her mind off of it but then her gaze met Taeyeon’s and she couldn’t look away.
Before she knew it, they were kissing but she noticed something different in the way Taeyeon kissed her. She sensed eagerness and anxiousness underneath the kiss. Tiffany brought her hand to Taeyeon’s face, the other one still held Taeyeon’s hand. A thousand emotions ran through her but none stronger than the one that was telling her how right this felt. She moved from her position next to Taeyeon, now slowly lying on top of her, their lips never leaving each other.
Taeyeon pressed her hand against Tiffany’s lower back as Tiffany’s hand started to make its way around Taeyeon’s body. Her fingers danced along Taeyeon’s stomach, carefully making their way up Taeyeon’s shirt. Taeyeon’s hand moved from Tiffany’s lower back to an even lower area and lingered there, squeezing every now and then.
“Wait…” Tiffany broke the kiss to take off her shirt and shorts.
Taeyeon stared at her for a moment, mouth ajar before she proceeded to do the same. Tiffany smirked, pleased that Taeyeon was checking her out.
They took a moment to stare at each other as if to ask “Are we really going to do this?” before bringing their lips together again.
Their hands moved with much more haste now, eager to take in as much of the other’s body as they could. Tiffany’s hands moved along Taeyeon’s breasts and soon Taeyeon’s bra lay strewn on the bedroom floor. Taeyeon moaned and Tiffany smirked to herself thinking that it was definitely a sound worth remembering. She felt that tingling sensation between her legs begin to intensify and she knew Taeyeon probably felt it ten times worse.
Tiffany’s lips moved to Taeyeon’s collarbones, her tongue gently licking them. Taeyeon moaned again, and Tiffany almost giggled, she loved the way it sounded. She had never heard Taeyeon sound so vulnerable before.
One of Taeyeon’s hands was at Tiffany’s thigh, squeezing and caressing it and the other was firmly on her waist. The touch of Taeyeon’s fingertips seemed to burn against Tiffany’s skin. She had never felt anything like it.
Tiffany then decided to make her move, dragging her fingers first along Taeyeon’s jaw line, then past her collarbones, between her breasts and across her navel. She paused for a moment, just barely sneaking her fingers into Taeyeon’s panties.
“Tiffany…” Taeyeon murmured urgently, as if to say “Would you just fucking do it already?”
Tiffany slid Taeyeon’s panties down and then slid a finger inside Taeyeon’s most sensitive spot. Taeyeon moaned so loud Tiffany thought someone might hear but she reminded herself they were alone and then smiled because she was the cause of Taeyeon’s immense pleasure.
Tiffany kept a steady pace, making Taeyeon’s moans sound at an almost constant interval. Tiffany took a moment to look at her girlfriend; her eyes were squeezed shut and her mouth slightly agape, her hair a mess.
Tiffany bit her lip as a thought crossed her mind.
“Taeyeon…” She whispered into Taeyeon’s ear, her husky voice made the older girl’s body shiver. Taeyeon could only whimper in reply.
“Is this what you wanted it to be like?” Tiffany slowed her pace and Taeyeon nodded, her eyes still squeezed shut.
Tiffany grinned, satisfied with all that was she was doing to Taeyeon. She began to quicken her pace. Taeyeon’s hips buckled against Tiffany. She could feel Taeyeon tightening around her finger, she knew she was about to come.
“You’re welcome.” Tiffany whispered right before Taeyeon reached her climax, her back arching, moaning Tiffany’s name.
After a few moments, Taeyeon finally opened her eyes and smiled at Tiffany.
“Thank you.”
“No, thank you. That was something I definitely want to remember.” She kissed Taeyeon, brushing her hair back.
“Later, it’s your turn okay?” Taeyeon said, sounding a little excited.
Tiffany laughed at the childish term. “Okay.” And secretly, she couldn’t wait.
Now, however, as Jessica’s hands explored Tiffany’s body, she felt nothing. Not a thing.
~o~
Taeyeon walked along campus, it was near midnight but she had nothing better to do, plus being alone in her apartment was starting to depress her and she needed to get out of there.
“Taeyeon…” Taeyeon heard what she thought was Tiffany’s voice behind her but she figured it was only her imagination, and she walked on not even bothering to look back.
“Taeyeon!” There was no mistaking it now, she turned around and saw Tiffany standing there, looking flustered and sort of angry.
“Tiffany? What’re you doing out here?” Taeyeon asked carefully, it was the first time they had spoken to each other in nearly two months.
“Walking.” Tiffany answered bluntly.
“Me too, but why?”
“To get my mind off of things.”
“Me too.” Taeyeon wanted to say again but instead she asked. “What kind of things?”
“I broke up with Jessica.”
“Oh.” Taeyeon didn’t know what else to say, honestly she was happy about it but she was afraid that that happiness would show if she said anything else.
“Taeyeon, why did you break up with me?” Tiffany definitely sounded angry now.
“Um.”
“Tell me.”
“I…I honestly thought you were going to break up with me first.”
“Why would you think that?”
Taeyeon didn’t want to go on. She had realized her reason for leaving the younger girl was stupid not even a week after the break-up. At first, she was too proud to tell Tiffany she wanted her back but once she had gotten over that and mustered up the courage to ask Tiffany back, Tiffany had found someone else.
“Taeyeon…tell me.” Tiffany repeated, sounding weary.
“You were becoming so distant…” Taeyeon started but she didn’t know what to say next, she wasn’t good at these kinds of things like saying what she really felt when it mattered the most. “And I well…And you…ugh. I was scared that one day you were going to discover that I’m not as great as you once thought I was and I…” Taeyeon trailed off, knowing she wasn’t making sense. “The point is I thought you couldn’t leave me if I was already gone. That if I left first it would hurt less…but it didn’t. At all.”
Tiffany didn’t say anything.
For a very long time.
“Um…Tiffany?”
“You’re so dumb, Kim Taeyeon.” Tiffany finally said.
“I know that.”
“And I really shouldn’t be thinking about taking you back right now because you are so fucking dumb.”
“I know.”
Silence again.
“You don’t deserve me at all.”
“I know.”
“But…” She moved closer to Taeyeon.
Taeyeon stepped back; she actually thought the girl was going to punch her. Tiffany almost laughed. “I can’t stand it. Not being with you. Nothing felt the same. I knew Jessica really liked me, she might’ve even loved me but I didn’t feel it, not one bit. But with you, I felt it, every single second.”
“It’s cause the feeling was mutual.” Taeyeon answered, her voice barely above a whisper.
“Is.” Tiffany corrected.
“What?” Taeyeon wasn’t sure she had interpreted that the right way.
“You heard me.” Tiffany looked straight at her, her eyes all lit up, every trace of anger gone.
“I’m sorry-” Taeyeon started but Tiffany put her finger to Taeyeon’s lips.
“Don’t start. Just don’t ever, ever think of doing something stupid like that again.”
“I won’t.” Taeyeon was now fighting back a smile.
“Good.” Tiffany murmured and gave Taeyeon a kiss that was long overdue.
pairings: TaeNy
genre: Smut/Fluff
rating: NC-17
note: censored version can be found here here
Taeyeon was having one of those “I will never get over it” moments. It had already been a month since the break-up and she thought she would have been over it by now (especially since she was the one who had broken it off), but no, she kept having these moments. She refused to think about the actual break-up; instead she picked up her phone and started to look through the pictures in it.
Taeyeon sighed as she flipped through the pictures on her phone. Picture after picture brought back another bittersweet memory. She lingered on a specific picture of her and Tiffany. It was probably the first picture they had ever taken together. Taeyeon was smiling awkwardly and Tiffany was kissing her cheek. She sighed again, thinking back to how it all started. It was at a party at Hyoyeon’s house, one that she didn’t really want to be at but was trying to be a good friend and went anyway.
“Spin the bottle? It’s like we’re in middle school again.” Taeyeon heard someone say as she entered the living room to find everyone seated on the floor in a circle.
“Who’s got the bottle?” A girl, who Taeyeon recognized as Tiffany, asked.
She didn’t really know Tiffany all that well. They only had one class together and shared polite chit-chat occasionally.
“Let’s get started!” Some random guy Taeyeon didn’t know announced, putting a bottle in the center of the circle and spun it.
It was stupid, really, and Taeyeon had no idea what she was still doing there until it was her turn. She spun the bottle reluctantly, hoping it didn’t land on some beer soaked frat boy. It spun around, three, four times until it came to a slow stop and pointed towards Tiffany.
“Yes! Finally some action!” Hyoyeon’s annoying boyfriend, Eunhyuk, said.
“Um…” Taeyeon blinked a few times at Tiffany, unsure of what to do.
“Get on it with it!” Another random dude shouted.
Taeyeon slowly moved towards Tiffany. She knew Tiffany was pretty, hell, she was gorgeous but she never truly realized it until she was this close to her.
Taeyeon hesitated even more now, actually giving Tiffany a good look for the first time.
Tiffany smiled and that was about all it took to momentarily daze Taeyeon. Before she could even properly gather herself, Tiffany’s lips pressed against hers.
Taeyeon felt like something clicked inside her. She didn’t know what it was but she felt something and she was sure Tiffany felt it too because the kiss lasted just a little bit too long. It wasn’t until someone loudly cleared their throat that the two broke the kiss.
“Aww! Why’d you break it up?!” Eunhyuk whined and Hyoyeon punched him.
“Anyway! Who’s next?” Hyoyeon quickly asked.
Taeyeon smiled sadly at the memory, now recalling what came after. She and Tiffany could hardly look at each other for days after it. They no longer said hello when they saw each other, instead they just diverted their gaze and hurriedly walked past each other. The awkwardness and embarrassment between the two was too much to bear. Still, Taeyeon couldn’t get Tiffany off her mind. There was something too…real? Special? Taeyeon didn’t know what it was, but that kiss meant something and she wanted to find out what.
They were doing well at avoiding each other until that day in the library.
Taeyeon hated this freakishly huge library. Whenever she wanted a book it was usually on some high unreachable shelf. Right now she was standing on the tips of her toes trying to reach a specific book. It was within reach but then her foot started to cramp up and she almost fell backwards had it not been for someone else walking behind her right at that moment.
“I’m really sorry, I-” Taeyeon abruptly stopped when she realized who it was.
Of course, who else could it be but Tiffany?
“I, um, I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. Don’t worry about it.” Tiffany almost smiled.
Then that awkward silence fell between them, neither knew what to say.
“About-”
“I think-”
They both started at the same time.
“You first.” Tiffany said, the entire time both avoided eye-contact with each other.
“Tiffany…I’m really sorry about the other night.”
“It’s fine.”
“Uh…so…do you think we’ll ever be able to have a decent conversation without feeling incredibly awkward?”
“Probably not.”
“Yeah…again, I’m sorry.” Taeyeon didn’t know what else to say.
“It’s fine.” Apparently, neither did Tiffany because she kept repeating that.
“You think there’s something we can do about it?”
Tiffany took a moment to look Taeyeon straight in the eye before answering. “Yeah, you could just kiss me again and get it over with.”
And Taeyeon did.
That’s what really started it all for them. After that, they were pretty much inseparable. Tiffany began treating Taeyeon’s apartment as her second home. They were in love and neither of them had ever been happier.
Taeyeon pressed the next button on her phone. She let out a weak laugh when she saw the next picture. It was one Tiffany had taken at a party she had forced Taeyeon to go to. Tiffany was all smiles and Taeyeon was pouting. The picture brought on yet another memory. It wasn’t something that happened at the party but rather, on the walk back home after.
“Honestly, Tiffany, you owe me.” Taeyeon grumbled as they walked, arms linked.
“Psh, owe you for what? Sitting on the couch the whole time pouting?” Tiffany sneered, giving Taeyeon a light shove.
“Hey! At least I let you have your fun and didn’t complain.” Taeyeon shoved back.
Tiffany took a second to think about it, her finger on her chin. “Fine, fine. What do I owe you then?”
“A kiss would be enough.” Taeyeon answered, trying to hold back a smile.
Tiffany let out a laugh. “That’s all?”
Taeyeon nodded.
Tiffany laughed again. “Aigoo, Taeyeon-ah. You don’t need to ask me for a kiss.” She paused, facing Taeyeon and taking both of her hands.
“Remember,” Tiffany continued, smiling that smile that Taeyeon couldn’t get enough of. Since we're in love and whatever, you can kiss me whenever you feel like it.” Then she leaned in and closed the gap between their lips.
Taeyeon smiled at Tiffany’s cheesiness. She didn’t know why that memory stood out; there was nothing particularly special about it. She guessed it was those little things that meant the most. Those little things were what she missed most about Tiffany. She wondered how Tiffany was taking it now. Probably over it. She did everything she could to avoid the girl, purposely taking different routes to class. She only caught fleeting glances of her two or three times. She heard she found another girlfriend, some girl named Jessica. The thought of Tiffany with someone else began to make Taeyeon mad; she threw her phone on the bed and went to the fridge, searching for some alcohol. Anything to take her mind off of this, but as she held the bottle in her hand she couldn’t help but think back to another night with Tiffany.
Taeyeon was sitting in bed with a book doing her late night studying when she heard the front door burst open. She then heard what sounded like several objects getting knocked onto the floor and someone cursing.
“Fany, is that you?” Taeyeon called, slowly getting up from the bed and making her way to the living room.
“Tiffany?” She saw the younger girl just barely standing up in the middle of the living room, several books and a clock scattered around her feet.
“Taetae.” Tiffany slurred, wobbly walking up to Taeyeon and throwing her arms around her.
Taeyeon involuntarily shied away, Tiffany reeked of alcohol.
“Tiffany, have you been drinking?” Taeyeon asked, though she didn’t know why she did, the answer was pretty obvious.
Tiffany shook her head, tightening her embrace around Taeyeon.
“Here, let go, I’ll make you some coffee.” Taeyeon tried to push her away but to no avail.
“I don’t want coffee, I want…” She trailed off as she started to plant sloppy kisses on Taeyeon’s neck.
“Tiffany…stop it, you’re drunk.”
“So?” Tiffany’s hand was now on Taeyeon’s thigh, squeezing it.
Taeyeon was finding it increasingly difficult to stop Tiffany when she did that but as Tiffany’s hand started make its way up Taeyeon’s inner thigh Taeyeon knew where this was going and she knew it needed to stop. She pushed Tiffany away, both arms on her shoulders.
“Seriously, Tiffany, stop.”
“Why? I thought you-”
“I do. I love you and I want to but I’m not going to do it if you’re gonna end up not remembering a thing about it tomorrow morning.” Taeyeon’s voice was stern.
“Oh, shut up Taeyeon, it’s just sex.” Tiffany tried to push Taeyeon’s arms off her, but the older girl’s grip was too tight.
“That’s what I mean. I don’t want to do this just because you’re drunk and horny. I want it to mean something. I want the first time to be one we both remember.” Taeyeon’s voice took on a softer tone now, her arms sliding off Tiffany’s shoulders.
“What does it matter?” Tiffany went to kiss Taeyeon but the shorter girl turned away. “Stop it. No.”
That’s when a wave of rejection started to flow through her, stinging her eyes with tears.
“Tiffany…I didn’t-” Taeyeon reached out her hand to wipe a stray tear but Tiffany slapped it away.
“Fuck you.” Tiffany spat then ran to the bathroom as her feelings of rejection started to make her sick.
~o~
Tiffany was over it. She figured if she kept telling herself that, she’d eventually believe it. She had just found a new girlfriend and although, it wasn’t the same, she was happy. Or at least she thought she was. Was she happy? She sighed, unable to concentrate on her textbook now. She heard the front door open, Jessica was home.
“Hey Tiff.” Jessica greeted her, walking over and kissing her cheek.
Tiffany smiled. “Hey Jess, how was your test?”
Jessica shrugged. “Alright, I guess. What’re you doing? Studying?”
Tiffany nodded.
Jessica yawned. “Okay, I’m gonna go take a nap. Wake me when you’re done.”
And Tiffany was alone. As much as she tried to repress it, a memory of her and Taeyeon began to fill her mind, once again unable to study.
“Fany-ah~ Watcha doing?” Taeyeon poked her head through the open doorway curiously.
“Studying.” Tiffany replied from her spot at the desk, not taking her eyes off her book.
“Oh…watcha studying for?” Taeyeon walked up to her, taking a look at her books.
“A test I have on Friday…Taeyeon, how come I never see you studying?” Tiffany turned away from her book for a moment to look up at the older girl.
“I study late at night.” Taeyeon shrugged.
“Again, how come I never see you studying?” Tiffany was always there at night (usually spending the night) so she knew it wasn’t true.
“I study after you fall asleep.”
“Oh, really?” Tiffany wasn’t buying it. “And what exactly do you study at night?”
“You.” Taeyeon answered, smiling mischievously at the younger girl.
“Yah! You creepy cheesy weirdo!” Tiffany laughed, playfully shoving Taeyeon.
Taeyeon chuckled. “Just kidding…sort of. Hey, scoot over, I’ll study with you.” Taeyeon sat down next to Tiffany.
Tiffany sighed. “Go away, I can’t concentrate.”
“I’ll be quiet, I promise. I’m good at that…unlike you.” Taeyeon said that last part under her breath.
“Yah!” Tiffany shoved her girlfriend with her shoulder. “It’s not that. I can’t concentrate when you’re so close.”
Taeyeon didn’t answer, she merely looked at Tiffany, waiting for her to say more.
Tiffany sighed again. “Even though I’m not as obvious as you I still-”
“Obvious? Obvious about what?” Taeyeon asked innocently.
“How obviously in love you are. I see that look in your eyes every time I smile and I know that every time I do this-” Tiffany paused and gently pecked Taeyeon on the lips. “Your heart skips a beat.”
“I…” Taeyeon didn’t know what to say, it was all true.
“Don’t worry. My heart beats a little faster when you’re this close and I find it hard not to kiss you all the time.”
Taeyeon blushed and awkwardly smiled, still at a loss for words.
“And when you smile that crooked smile, my heart skips a beat. So if you don’t leave now, I probably won’t-”
Tiffany was cut short as Taeyeon’s lips pressed against hers. It was a soft, gentle kiss at first but as Taeyeon’s hand made its way along Tiffany’s thigh, the kiss got deeper and more intense.
Tiffany pulled away. “If I fail, it’s your fault.”
“You know it’s worth it.” Taeyeon answered between the kisses she was planting on Tiffany’s neck.
Tiffany grinned because it was true. She grabbed Taeyeon’s hand and lead her to the bed where they could properly continue their advances.
Tiffany did fail that test and quite a few more for the same reason. She sighed, wishing she still had that reason to fail now.
As the weeks went on, Tiffany kept trying to erase Taeyeon from her mind. She kept trying to think of something else whenever thoughts of Taeyeon came up but it seemed like everything she did with Jessica brought on a memory of something she did with Taeyeon. And that memory was usually a thousand times better than whatever she was doing with Jessica at the moment.
She especially hated it when she thought of Taeyeon when she was fooling around with Jessica, like right now for example. Jessica was unbuttoning her shirt and yet all she could think of was her first time with Taeyeon.
Tiffany had woken up one morning feeling like crap after a night of intense drinking and barely remembering a thing. She knew something bad happened last night, something with Taeyeon but she didn’t know what. Taeyeon didn’t even say anything to her about it. In fact, Taeyeon acted like it never happened for which Tiffany was grateful. Still, the younger girl felt guilty for days and she wasn’t even sure about what.
She didn’t mention it to Taeyeon until almost about a week after it happened.
She approached Taeyeon as she was doing her late night studying in bed.
“Taeyeon…” Tiffany just barely whispered.
“Hm?” Taeyeon looked up from her book but when she saw Tiffany’s face, her expression became concerned. “Something wrong?”
“I wanna talk to you about something.” Tiffany said. Taeyeon patted the spot next to her in bed, beckoning Tiffany.
Tiffany curled up next to her girlfriend, took a deep breath then started talking.
“About what happened last week, I-”
“What do you mean?” Taeyeon tried and failed to sound oblivious.
“You know what I mean. Anyway, I don’t know exactly what I did but I know it was something really stupid and I’m really sorry.” Tiffany grabbed Taeyeon’s hand and held it in hers.
“It’s okay, you were drunk. It’s understandable.” Taeyeon gave the younger girl’s hand a squeeze.
Tiffany reached up and pecked Taeyeon on the lips. “Thanks.”
She smiled, glad that was off her chest.
“So, what exactly did I do?” Tiffany asked, now filled with curiosity.
“Do you really wanna know?”
Tiffany nodded.
“You tried to have sex with me.” Taeyeon said seriously.
“Oh.” Was all Tiffany said, had Taeyeon not said it so seriously she probably would’ve laughed.
It was quiet after that, she wasn’t sure what else to say, she barely knew what else to think about other than Taeyeon and sex.
She looked around the room nervously trying to get her mind off of it but then her gaze met Taeyeon’s and she couldn’t look away.
Before she knew it, they were kissing but she noticed something different in the way Taeyeon kissed her. She sensed eagerness and anxiousness underneath the kiss. Tiffany brought her hand to Taeyeon’s face, the other one still held Taeyeon’s hand. A thousand emotions ran through her but none stronger than the one that was telling her how right this felt. She moved from her position next to Taeyeon, now slowly lying on top of her, their lips never leaving each other.
Taeyeon pressed her hand against Tiffany’s lower back as Tiffany’s hand started to make its way around Taeyeon’s body. Her fingers danced along Taeyeon’s stomach, carefully making their way up Taeyeon’s shirt. Taeyeon’s hand moved from Tiffany’s lower back to an even lower area and lingered there, squeezing every now and then.
“Wait…” Tiffany broke the kiss to take off her shirt and shorts.
Taeyeon stared at her for a moment, mouth ajar before she proceeded to do the same. Tiffany smirked, pleased that Taeyeon was checking her out.
They took a moment to stare at each other as if to ask “Are we really going to do this?” before bringing their lips together again.
Their hands moved with much more haste now, eager to take in as much of the other’s body as they could. Tiffany’s hands moved along Taeyeon’s breasts and soon Taeyeon’s bra lay strewn on the bedroom floor. Taeyeon moaned and Tiffany smirked to herself thinking that it was definitely a sound worth remembering. She felt that tingling sensation between her legs begin to intensify and she knew Taeyeon probably felt it ten times worse.
Tiffany’s lips moved to Taeyeon’s collarbones, her tongue gently licking them. Taeyeon moaned again, and Tiffany almost giggled, she loved the way it sounded. She had never heard Taeyeon sound so vulnerable before.
One of Taeyeon’s hands was at Tiffany’s thigh, squeezing and caressing it and the other was firmly on her waist. The touch of Taeyeon’s fingertips seemed to burn against Tiffany’s skin. She had never felt anything like it.
Tiffany then decided to make her move, dragging her fingers first along Taeyeon’s jaw line, then past her collarbones, between her breasts and across her navel. She paused for a moment, just barely sneaking her fingers into Taeyeon’s panties.
“Tiffany…” Taeyeon murmured urgently, as if to say “Would you just fucking do it already?”
Tiffany slid Taeyeon’s panties down and then slid a finger inside Taeyeon’s most sensitive spot. Taeyeon moaned so loud Tiffany thought someone might hear but she reminded herself they were alone and then smiled because she was the cause of Taeyeon’s immense pleasure.
Tiffany kept a steady pace, making Taeyeon’s moans sound at an almost constant interval. Tiffany took a moment to look at her girlfriend; her eyes were squeezed shut and her mouth slightly agape, her hair a mess.
Tiffany bit her lip as a thought crossed her mind.
“Taeyeon…” She whispered into Taeyeon’s ear, her husky voice made the older girl’s body shiver. Taeyeon could only whimper in reply.
“Is this what you wanted it to be like?” Tiffany slowed her pace and Taeyeon nodded, her eyes still squeezed shut.
Tiffany grinned, satisfied with all that was she was doing to Taeyeon. She began to quicken her pace. Taeyeon’s hips buckled against Tiffany. She could feel Taeyeon tightening around her finger, she knew she was about to come.
“You’re welcome.” Tiffany whispered right before Taeyeon reached her climax, her back arching, moaning Tiffany’s name.
After a few moments, Taeyeon finally opened her eyes and smiled at Tiffany.
“Thank you.”
“No, thank you. That was something I definitely want to remember.” She kissed Taeyeon, brushing her hair back.
“Later, it’s your turn okay?” Taeyeon said, sounding a little excited.
Tiffany laughed at the childish term. “Okay.” And secretly, she couldn’t wait.
Now, however, as Jessica’s hands explored Tiffany’s body, she felt nothing. Not a thing.
~o~
Taeyeon walked along campus, it was near midnight but she had nothing better to do, plus being alone in her apartment was starting to depress her and she needed to get out of there.
“Taeyeon…” Taeyeon heard what she thought was Tiffany’s voice behind her but she figured it was only her imagination, and she walked on not even bothering to look back.
“Taeyeon!” There was no mistaking it now, she turned around and saw Tiffany standing there, looking flustered and sort of angry.
“Tiffany? What’re you doing out here?” Taeyeon asked carefully, it was the first time they had spoken to each other in nearly two months.
“Walking.” Tiffany answered bluntly.
“Me too, but why?”
“To get my mind off of things.”
“Me too.” Taeyeon wanted to say again but instead she asked. “What kind of things?”
“I broke up with Jessica.”
“Oh.” Taeyeon didn’t know what else to say, honestly she was happy about it but she was afraid that that happiness would show if she said anything else.
“Taeyeon, why did you break up with me?” Tiffany definitely sounded angry now.
“Um.”
“Tell me.”
“I…I honestly thought you were going to break up with me first.”
“Why would you think that?”
Taeyeon didn’t want to go on. She had realized her reason for leaving the younger girl was stupid not even a week after the break-up. At first, she was too proud to tell Tiffany she wanted her back but once she had gotten over that and mustered up the courage to ask Tiffany back, Tiffany had found someone else.
“Taeyeon…tell me.” Tiffany repeated, sounding weary.
“You were becoming so distant…” Taeyeon started but she didn’t know what to say next, she wasn’t good at these kinds of things like saying what she really felt when it mattered the most. “And I well…And you…ugh. I was scared that one day you were going to discover that I’m not as great as you once thought I was and I…” Taeyeon trailed off, knowing she wasn’t making sense. “The point is I thought you couldn’t leave me if I was already gone. That if I left first it would hurt less…but it didn’t. At all.”
Tiffany didn’t say anything.
For a very long time.
“Um…Tiffany?”
“You’re so dumb, Kim Taeyeon.” Tiffany finally said.
“I know that.”
“And I really shouldn’t be thinking about taking you back right now because you are so fucking dumb.”
“I know.”
Silence again.
“You don’t deserve me at all.”
“I know.”
“But…” She moved closer to Taeyeon.
Taeyeon stepped back; she actually thought the girl was going to punch her. Tiffany almost laughed. “I can’t stand it. Not being with you. Nothing felt the same. I knew Jessica really liked me, she might’ve even loved me but I didn’t feel it, not one bit. But with you, I felt it, every single second.”
“It’s cause the feeling was mutual.” Taeyeon answered, her voice barely above a whisper.
“Is.” Tiffany corrected.
“What?” Taeyeon wasn’t sure she had interpreted that the right way.
“You heard me.” Tiffany looked straight at her, her eyes all lit up, every trace of anger gone.
“I’m sorry-” Taeyeon started but Tiffany put her finger to Taeyeon’s lips.
“Don’t start. Just don’t ever, ever think of doing something stupid like that again.”
“I won’t.” Taeyeon was now fighting back a smile.
“Good.” Tiffany murmured and gave Taeyeon a kiss that was long overdue.