i love coffeeshops!
So within a couple of days my life has changed dramatically, but thats how it usually happens right? Thanksgiving was a really beautiful day I spent with my family, but at the same time, it was a real eye opener for a lot of things. It was the beginning of so many things and an end for a lot of stuff too.
Greg (the piano man) is no longer a part of my life in the way I thought I wanted him to be. And for the first time, that makes me feel more content than lying next to him ever did. Last night I sat down and wrote him a letter, and I will send it to him tomorrow I had to figure things out on my own with him, and I did, and I realized that he is not the one for me, and he won't ever be. I always thought that all those coincidences that happened between us meant that we were supposed to be together, but I realized he was put in my life for a different reason. And he will be a crucial part of my album, he is the focus of the whole thing, the songs, the piano, its going to turn out really well. I feel so free.
I haven't drank since thanksgiving, I noticed that alcohol was becoming a big part of my life, and as much fun as it is, I hate the person I become when I drink, its not who I am, and its not a person I am proud of. And there is too much to do in this world to be hung over all the time. Its not the easiest thing in the world, but I've just been drinking O'Douls when i go out, haha, its pretty awesome, except everyone just makes fun of me. But I don't care.
I saw my dad for the first time yesterday in almost two years. It was really nice, but it scared the shit out of me. He's let me down so many times, but thats ok, I'm not going to expect anything, I just want him to be OK. I will let him come to cleveland and see me if he wants, but I'm not going to put any effort into it. He isn't that stable right now, but he's more stable then I've ever seen him, and he's making the most beautiful artwork.
I've been hanging out with Andy again. Its reallly really nice, but I just hope he understands that there is no way I can be in any sort of relationship with him again, I've told him that, but I get worried. I went to our old place last night (he still lives there) and the smell of it just knocked me to the floor, it was like last winter just came flowing back to me. It was a really beautiful time. I was talking to matty d about it last night and he understood why I can't be with Andy. When you know you've found the person for you, and you're so young, and its so serious, it scares the shit out of you, and you run away, because you know your not ready for that yet. I'm not, and every time I think about us living together, or being as serious as we used to be I feel like I'm going to have an anxiety attack. I need serious Corissa alone time.
I feel like I'm getting out of a really dark place in my life, but thats always how it goes for me. I am miserable for awhile and then I grow and learn and I am content again. There will be more hurdles I'm sure. I can't keep going back to the past, I have to think about right now.
And I'm really sorry that things had to end that way between you and I but its for the best, and now I know its true when you say you and i can never be friends, we were never and will never be that. Our relationship is not healthy, we don't bring out very good sides in each other. I will always love you with all my heart though, you're a very special person in my life, always always always.
Greg (the piano man) is no longer a part of my life in the way I thought I wanted him to be. And for the first time, that makes me feel more content than lying next to him ever did. Last night I sat down and wrote him a letter, and I will send it to him tomorrow I had to figure things out on my own with him, and I did, and I realized that he is not the one for me, and he won't ever be. I always thought that all those coincidences that happened between us meant that we were supposed to be together, but I realized he was put in my life for a different reason. And he will be a crucial part of my album, he is the focus of the whole thing, the songs, the piano, its going to turn out really well. I feel so free.
I haven't drank since thanksgiving, I noticed that alcohol was becoming a big part of my life, and as much fun as it is, I hate the person I become when I drink, its not who I am, and its not a person I am proud of. And there is too much to do in this world to be hung over all the time. Its not the easiest thing in the world, but I've just been drinking O'Douls when i go out, haha, its pretty awesome, except everyone just makes fun of me. But I don't care.
I saw my dad for the first time yesterday in almost two years. It was really nice, but it scared the shit out of me. He's let me down so many times, but thats ok, I'm not going to expect anything, I just want him to be OK. I will let him come to cleveland and see me if he wants, but I'm not going to put any effort into it. He isn't that stable right now, but he's more stable then I've ever seen him, and he's making the most beautiful artwork.
I've been hanging out with Andy again. Its reallly really nice, but I just hope he understands that there is no way I can be in any sort of relationship with him again, I've told him that, but I get worried. I went to our old place last night (he still lives there) and the smell of it just knocked me to the floor, it was like last winter just came flowing back to me. It was a really beautiful time. I was talking to matty d about it last night and he understood why I can't be with Andy. When you know you've found the person for you, and you're so young, and its so serious, it scares the shit out of you, and you run away, because you know your not ready for that yet. I'm not, and every time I think about us living together, or being as serious as we used to be I feel like I'm going to have an anxiety attack. I need serious Corissa alone time.
I feel like I'm getting out of a really dark place in my life, but thats always how it goes for me. I am miserable for awhile and then I grow and learn and I am content again. There will be more hurdles I'm sure. I can't keep going back to the past, I have to think about right now.
And I'm really sorry that things had to end that way between you and I but its for the best, and now I know its true when you say you and i can never be friends, we were never and will never be that. Our relationship is not healthy, we don't bring out very good sides in each other. I will always love you with all my heart though, you're a very special person in my life, always always always.