when

[ostarsinmyeyeso]

when will i just learn to let go and let things happen? why do i have to worry about EVERYTHING all the time? i have to stop. I realized last night ( i had a total mental breakdown, crying and all that) that if I want things to work between greg and i, I have to just do it and not worry. and as much as everyone hates him, and yes, there is not one person in my life that likes the guy,(except my sister, because she rules) he has a lot to teach me. he's just blissfully happy all the time, and its so beautiful. I want that, I want to always have a smile on my face. He looked at me this morning after all of my whining and he said, 'corissa, all i know is that whatever we do, and all the time i spend with you, just makes me really happy.' And it is that simple, its not a complicated matter. And i am so done talking about with anyone, because that messes with me even more. I have a million people telling me what to do about MY relationship, and its about time i just listen to myself and not let other people make up my mind about whats good for me. if this is a bad situation, let me figure it out for myself! And its my fault I've gotten other people involved, i've talked this issue to DEATH. over thinking and paranoia and all these things. I'm just gonna run with this, because i almost told him last night i couldn't do it anymore, and the feeling i got when i thought about that was the worst feeling i've ever had. there is no way in hell i can lose him, it would kill me. I wanna be happy, thats all i want. and he makes me happy too, if i let myself, and fuck, i deserve to be happy, everyone does.

happy thanksgiving. why am i always falling in love this time of year? i miss andy sometimes, but hes not the one for me, i know that. as beautiful as he is.... for whatever reason i know that no matter how fucked up this situation becomes between greg and i, its going to be going on for a really long time.