(no subject)
fucking hell i feel on edge. i need to b doing something cos im just sitting here going insane and thats kinda annoying cos i feel like i need to b doing something. i dont know whether this is mania or insanity or just plain boredom and excessive energy but its weird as all shit. ive been in my room all day and ive been up and down and all over the place. ive been angry and violent and happy and laughing and down and shitty and pissed off and calm and bored and frustrated and its just weird and i have no idea whats going on
been looking into BPD research and shit cos i had my first appointment with my new psychiatrist on monday and i think he thinks i dont have depression, but something else, or depression AND something else. my thoughts are probably BPD just cos of the questions he was asking and shit. and i was looking into it and a lot of stuff suits exactly who/what i am and how i behave and think, but then there will be one or two factors/traits/whatevers that i think im absolutely not. i just dont know
and ive been feeling very strange. like i have an urge to do something to myself but i just dont know what, like i feel like i wanna cut myself but then i dont wana do that, but i want to, but dont, and it comes and goes, and sometimes i just want to run and sometimes i just want to go commit myself and go HEY LOOK AT ME IM FREAING OUT HERE AND GOING INSANE AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO OR WHAT IM DOING. like i feel like i could do some serious damage but maybe thats just me thinking about things way too much or maybe im just indulging myself in these behaviours and thoughts because ive been reading up on BPD and i mite just be like well if i behave like this i'll have it and that will be that
i dont know what i'm doing really. maybe ive just been in the house by myself for too long today
been looking into BPD research and shit cos i had my first appointment with my new psychiatrist on monday and i think he thinks i dont have depression, but something else, or depression AND something else. my thoughts are probably BPD just cos of the questions he was asking and shit. and i was looking into it and a lot of stuff suits exactly who/what i am and how i behave and think, but then there will be one or two factors/traits/whatevers that i think im absolutely not. i just dont know
and ive been feeling very strange. like i have an urge to do something to myself but i just dont know what, like i feel like i wanna cut myself but then i dont wana do that, but i want to, but dont, and it comes and goes, and sometimes i just want to run and sometimes i just want to go commit myself and go HEY LOOK AT ME IM FREAING OUT HERE AND GOING INSANE AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO OR WHAT IM DOING. like i feel like i could do some serious damage but maybe thats just me thinking about things way too much or maybe im just indulging myself in these behaviours and thoughts because ive been reading up on BPD and i mite just be like well if i behave like this i'll have it and that will be that
i dont know what i'm doing really. maybe ive just been in the house by myself for too long today