Eee! EEE! EEEEE!. *dies*

[sketchysmile]

Alright, I'm done, seriously.

Who: Kabuto and Sai
Where: Kabuto’s apartment.
What: They're... talking!
When: Monday afternoon.
Warnings: ...None. O: Unless you count complete SAP. We were actually gagging.


He wasn't trying to stall this. He'd just needed to make sure he wasn't too drunk while leaving his house, then the bus was late, then he had to suffer the bus ride. Now Sai was outside of Kabuto's door. Usually he'd just walk in. Usually.

He didn't (want to) know why he didn't like the idea of this...

Sai took a breath before rapping on the door sharply.

When Kabuto was stressed, he had a habit of picking up an instrument, and playing. Today, it had been the guitar. It was the first thing that he saw when he knew Sai was coming, and they were talking.

Talking. The idea was. . . what? Was it so strange to talk to the person you've been fucking non-stop for the past how many weeks? Was it so strange not to? He shook his head.

As he played, he lost track of time. The rapping on the door brought him out of his reverie. Going to the door, guitar in his hand (like comfort? No? Denile is just a river in Egypt), he too a deep breath, and opened it.

He knew who it was before he opened the door.

"Sai."

Sai's habits were a little less... creative. Destructive, maybe. That was evident with the slightly drunken aura and soft stench of vodka he gave off as he leant against the doorframe idly, twirling a piece of his hair around his finger. Something, anything repetitive.

"Hey," he greeted, quietly, looking at Kabuto through glassy eyes, smile painted on his lips - mask firmly attached. He needed it. Needed it badly.

"Come in?" he said, showing Sai inside. Not that he needed it. Sai. . . Sai knew his way around. Kabuto's mask was. . . it wasn't on, yet his face hardly betrayed the way he felt. Playing music had grounded him, steadied him. When others sought refuge in drugs and alcohol, he sought it in music and notes.

Taking the invitation, Sai stepped in, walking forward. How did they start this conversation? "Thanks." The word now rolled off his tongue easily and... and... he was supposed to be going somewhere with this.

Were they supposed to be going somewhere?

Kabuto shut the door, and headed into the apartment. He disappeared into the kitchen, and returned a moment later with tea. It was cold, but. . . it was something to distract them for a moment.
(Going somewhere? Wasn’t this conversation supposed to be about how they were going somewhere? Together? Oh God no, he did not just think--)

Taking a seat, Sai thanked Kabuto for the tea absentmindedly, taking a sip of it. Cold, but... he didn't really care. (It could use a shot of vodka).
He tapped his fingers against the rim of the mug, thinking. "Ah... so..." Damnit, he could not find any way to start this. And he didn't want to know why - it meant looking at things... about them.

But wasn't that the point?

"Yes," replied Kabuto, sipping his own. "You wanted to talk about something. . . . ?"

Well. Damn. Sai pressed his lips to the mug, breathing into it momentarily. There was one word in his mind- it was such a loaded question.

"Why?" Did he give a damn about it? Were they becoming... whatever? Were his habits becoming abhorrent to himself? Why was he so sacred?

". . . . . why what?" That was actually a very big question.

Sai closed his eyes, taking a breath. He wasn't supposed to be nervous, wasn't supposed to feel. It seemed things had been changing.
Which question did he tackle first?

"Why... does it bother me, what you did a few days ago?" He wanted more to know why Kabuto wanted to keep him away from Orochimaru-sensei after... all of this.

Kabuto blinked. That. . . . . that had not been the reply he'd expected. "It. . . bothered you. That I. . . . That I had sex with him?" Kabuto looked into his tea. He sighed. "I. . . I don't. . . I did it because I didn't want him hurting you. I didn't like it."

"I can take care of myself, you know." The reply was automatic, and Sai didn't even think how much it didn't look like he could take care of himself with those scratches down his back.

"Yes, it bothered me. And I don't know why." He did, somewhere, but he didn't want to know that he knew why because the answer wasn't what he wanted to hear.

"I know you can, but he was trying to hurt you to get to me," said Kabuto. "I didn't appreciate it, so. . . I went to speak to him. It's how. . . as you can imagine, we have a past together. That. . . was the first time we'd done anything since we've. . . whatever we are happened."
Kabuto was being more honest then he'd expected, and it frightened him.

Sai blinked, the only sign of surprise on his otherwise blank face. They could go down this road again... Sai didn't want to have his thoughts invaded by visions of coming home to see Kabuto covered in scratches, or wait again...

Wait, home? He dismissed the thought. Kabuto addressed an important point.

"What are we anyway?"

"I have no idea," said Kabuto, quietly. He looked at Sai, thoughtfully, scanning him, lingering on his lips and eyes. When had the other become important to him? When had this stopped being some fun game?

"I'm not sure if I have the answer to that."

His grip tightened on the mug and he looked down at it, the tea sloshing slightly against the sides of it.

"I don't..." He trailed off, looking to the side, unsure what he was going to say. He didn't want what he was feeling to be right...

"Sai," said Kabuto, reaching out to him, pushing a lock of his dark hair behind Sai's ear. "you don't. . . what?"

Flinching, quite obviously, at the touch, Sai shook his head before answering. "...know anything about this." By this he meant feeling anything for the person he was having sex with.

"You're not the only one who's confused," said Kabuto, moving his hand away from Sai reluctantly. He drank the tea, and placed the cup down, looking away from Sai, staring at the cup as if it held all the answers he was looking for.

It didn't, but he could pretend.

"I never felt. . . desire, like this, let alone the rest of it," he said. The candidness of which he spoke was unnatural, to say the least, as if Sai's drunken lucidity had rubbed off on him. "You. . . . make me want to do things that I never really wanted before."

Sai looked up, finally able to look at Kabuto and his face was caught in emotions that were quickly hidden back behind his mask. "I never regretted anything that I'd done before, not at work." He used to separate himself from work, his body was sold and that was all and now...
The story was vastly different.

"I. . . . don't want to make you regretful," said Kabuto. He narrowed his eyes, then closed them, sighing. "I just couldn't stand what he. . . he had no right, using you to get to me. And yet it proved to give him the reaction that he wanted." Kabuto looked at Sai. "I don't want him using you."

This was harder than it seemed it should be. That said something, Sai knew.

"About... moving in... were you serious?" Sai wanted to know. (His apartment sucked - and... there were other factors. Lots of other factors as to why he wanted-- needed, to know).

"..................yes." Such a simple answer, such a simple word, yet so hard to come by, so hard to say. He wanted. . . yes. He wanted Sai to move in, to stay with him, to. . . to wake up next to? That seemed so sentimental and foolish. And yet. . . .

Yes. That was his answer, he'd leave it at that.

That... Sai smiled to himself. He placed the cup down on the table. He was still... unsure about what this could mean. There were things he was holding inside that he knew but wouldn't-- couldn't, say.
"Alright then."
"So. . . should I help you move?" asked Kabuto.

"I think not." Sai looked at Kabuto. "You're still hurt."

Kabuto rolled his eyes. "I am sure I can help you carry some things. Or pack boxes. I'm hurt, but not a weakling."

Sai's things were mainly clothes and art supplies anyway, there shouldn't have been a lot (there was a mountain).
"It doesn't matter, it's all clothes and art stuff. I can do it myself."

"And knowing you, you have more clothing then most girls," said Kabuto. "You'll need help. And it's a long bus ride."

Sai glowered half-heartedly, pouting slightly. "Fine, you can help me move some things."

"Thank you," he said.

They were avoiding the other matter at hand. Kabuto couldn't say that he minded, really.

They avoided a lot of matters. It worked. It wasn't healthy, but it worked.

He listened to the silence. It was nice. So, this meant he had a lot to organise.

But it sat there, and festered, and while Sai could ignore it, Kabuto couldn't. There were some things that. . . . that just could not be ignored, once brought up. At least, not for a thinker.

"What are we, to you?" asked Kabuto.

Sai blinked, mask crumbling. Behind it he was... vulnerable and while he didn't want it to show, his mask wouldn't hide it.
"I don't know..."

"It's gone past friendship," said Kabuto. "Or whatever you wanted to call what we had, when we first met. It's. . . a matter of more then just liking spending time with you. I want to spend time with you, and. . . keep you safe." He moved closer in his chair towards Sai. "Why," he asked, whispering against Sai's ear. "Why?"

Sai knew that- he'd learnt that a while ago and he shivered as Kabuto whispered against his ear, leaning towards the older male unconsciously. "I wish I knew," he replied softly, eyes downcast.

"I'm scared..." He couldn't believe those words slipped from his lips. They weren't supposed to.

Scared? Scared? "Why are you scared?" asked Kabuto. "I only bite if you want me to." He arm reached across Sai, hand resting on the younger man's waist as his lips gently brushed against Sai's cheek. It might have been a cheap move, to get the other to speak, but this wasn't just about that anymore. Kabuto was slowly getting used to the idea of keeping Sai close to him for longer then a few moments.

There was no reason for this other then to be close.

Sai's cheeks flushed. "I don't... know why I'm falling for you and it scares me," he answered frankly, resting his forehead lightly on Kabuto's shoulder, words quiet.

Kabuto froze at the words, they were not what he'd been expecting. And yet. . . He put his arm around Sai, and kissed the top of his head, lightly. For awhile, he was quiet, just holding Sai like that, carefully thinking about what he wanted to say. It was an amicable silence, at least, for his part.

"I don't know why I am for you, either," he said. "It's. . . I'm not scared. Just. . . not sure where it came from."

The silence was a nice one, and Sai was grateful for the affection, on some level - it was reassuring.

He was... glad, he supposed, that he'd said it. It was driving him crazy.
The words made him stop for a moment, slowly looking up at Kabuto, staring at him. Then he pressed their lips together, hand moving into Kabuto's hair. There weren't words he could say.

The kiss took Kabuto by shock in a good way, and he responded immediately, kissing Sai back. He could taste the remnants of alcohol in the other's mouth, but he didn't care. The way he tasted, the way he felt. . . Kabuto didn't care if it didn't make sense anymore. He. . . He wanted Sai. Needed him, somehow.

And it was all said with a kiss.

Sai's arm wrapped around Kabuto's neck, twining them together, sliding into his lap. The closeness... he needed it - needed to feel Kabuto against him, because he needed him.

Kabuto pulled Sai onto his lap, closer, wanting to just. . . feel him. Hold him, touch him. It terrified Kabuto in a way to feel so desperate about someone, but it was a kind of fear that was exhilarating, that drove him to want more, to have more.

It was terrifying, to need- want- fall for someone so hard. Especially for Sai- he didn't know of bonds. He'd forgotten them all and now...

His body stayed as close to Kabuto's as possible, tongue brushing against the other's. Who cared about breathing anyway?

Breathing was for noses, mouths were for kisses. Maybe sometimes a person needed air, but Kabuto wanted to drown himself in Sai, and he was doing a good job. He moaned softly into the kiss, hands pressing Sai against him in a tight embrace, thinking of nothing else but the now.

Sai would gladly drown with Kabuto, in their embrace, whimpering slightly as he pressed his tongue against Kabuto's, it was like he wanted to meld them together, completely.

As if learning desire from Sai wasn't strange enough, he was learning other things too. Like desire that came without wanting to do anything but kiss, touch, hold. his embrace, this kissing, this. . . everything. It was enough and it wasn't enough. He wanted all of Sai, everything, anything the other would give him, and more. It was a heady feeling, and made him light-headed with disbelief, because he knew, he knew that Sai would give him all of that, and more, without even asking.

He would. He wanted to... not without anything. He wanted Kabuto in his entirety and nothing less. He could have it, right?

His hand finally moved from Kabuto's hair, tracing over his cheek, down his neck, pads light against Kabuto's skin as he finally, slowly, very very slowly, pulled away from the kiss, pressing his lips against Kabuto's a couple more times before taking a chance to breathe.

Kabuto's lips eagerly sought Sai's in those several little kisses, breathing heavily. He had shivered at Sai's touch, so light so loving so soft against his skin. His eyes only half opened, he looked up at Sai through his lashes, just. . .looking at him. Wanting. Quiet. Waiting.

There was nothing to say now, really. Sai's eyes concentrated on Kabuto's, lips curled into a small smile as his fingers ran over Kabuto's jaw line slowly, as he was perched lightly in the other's lap. His touches, body language... actions said it all.

Kabuto smiled back, genuinely surprised at how. . . happy he honestly did feel to be where he was. His fingers lazily drew circles on Sai's back, in no hurry or real want to move. Sai didn't have to move today. That could wait. Tonight. .. tonight he just wanted Sai to stay.

Though he'd caught his breath, Sai yawned a little, smiling still- they were like two completely different people around each other, in private moments. His forehead rested against Kabuto's, eyes looking down at Kabuto's lips, lingering on them.

"Tired?" asked Kabuto. "We could sleep, if you wanted. . . " His fingers continued to draw their lazy patterns on his back.

"Mm..." His fingers found their way back into Kabuto's hair, playing with the ends as he nodded slightly.

Kabuto kissed Sai again, gently. Just for the sake of feeling Sai's lips against his own. "All right," he said. "But you're sadly going to have to stand up. I could lift you, but I don't want to sprain anything, since I am a little sore. Though I promise to carry you to bed eventually."

Sai laughed slightly, slipping onto his feet quietly. "I'm sure, one day," he answered, still smiling, a quirk of the lips he should find annoying to be there for so long but... he couldn't stop it.

Kabuto smirked a little, and stood up. He wrapped Sai in his arms, and kissed him again, then let go, taking his hand. He looked at Sai a moment, and laughed. "If anyone saw us right now. . . ." He smiled, and kissed Sai. "God, Tayuya would have a field day," he said, rolling his eyes.

Sai sunk into the embrace and consequently leant against Kabuto slightly as he took his hand. "I don't care."

Kabuto smiled at that. "I think," he said, kissing the top of Sai's head, "that I agree."

Sai started to head towards the bedroom, hand still clasping Kabuto's, steps slow. It was still quite early, but the alcohol had made him tired.

Kabuto followed Sai to the bed, and pulled him close as they lay down, closing his eyes, petting Sai's hair. It was early, but this was. . .so comfortable and nice that it didn't matter. He would drift and eventually fall asleep, much happier then before.

Moments after lying down, Sai started to drift to sleep, eyes closed as he wrapped an arm around Kabuto. This... how did this work out so well?
He didn’t care. It had and he was fine.

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