One of these days you're gonna love me...
It's so hard to let go when you've given your whole heart away.
Not to mention the fact that...you..er..I really knew better.
I've kept it locked up tight in my chest for so long, held onto the last person I truly cared about until I stopped long enough to realize that I was letting my life waste away and just had to let go.
But, for some reason I let you in. I gave away all of me..because you made me feel safe. Because, for whatever reason, I didn't have a choice. I guess you really can't choose who you fall in love with.
I keep playing the regret card..and that is something I never do. I've always said that each person who has played a key role in my life was there for a reason if nothing else to teach me something. But, I can't help but kick myself for letting go. I can't help but think, maybe it would've been better if you'd never come down here. Because my heart is in a million pieces again, and I'm not sure I have the strength to pick it up and put it back together.
You left this morning. I helped you pack your car up with all your things, and whatever pieces of me I could send with you. I tried with all my might to stay strong, not to cry, not to show you that I was dying. But, the tears came, and I held on as tight as I could until you absolutely had to go. The best I can hope is that one day, you'll realize that you walked away from an amazing woman who would've loved you forever. That the tears that I cried will one day make a difference.
You told me that you wanted to keep in touch. You told me that you wanted to remain exclusive, come back and visit from time to time..see where our roads lead us....
My road will lead me to happiness one of these days. To a MAN who I love with all my heart who will love me the same. To so much better than I've had so far. Because I deserve it. Because I am an intelligent, beautiful, loving woman and one of these days someone will see that. I just wish it could be you.
I went out today..just tried to keep busy, keep my mind off things. I came home, put the little one to bed..asked the parents to listen for her, and went back out. I just could not be here..this empty room, this empty bed..I can still smell you on my skin..the tshirt you left..the memories are maddening..the emptiness. I cleaned myself up a bit, changed clothes, headed out on the town. I stopped by the store to pick up a few things I knew I'd forget after the club. I got about halfway to the car and this guy stopped me.. "I hope I'm not being too forward, but I waited for you to come out. I wanted to ask for your number." I still had my ring on so I just told him I was married and headed to the car. I went to the local cafe to veg for a bit before I went to the club because it was still early. A friend of mine is a waiter there and about 10 minutes into my "Veg" session he came up and whispered in my ear "Since you walked in two customers and two employees have told me that you are hot." I can't say the whole night wasn't an ego boost, it made me feel great. I danced til I could barely breathe, and I had a blast. But, it still leaves me thinking... if my friends can see the beauty inside me..if random motherfucker's think I'm beautiful .. why can't u see it? why aren't you here?
I'm going to live my life. I'm going to take care of the important things. My children, my work, getting my credit straight, getting my finances straight, finishing school...I want the best for my family, I want my children to have at least the same security that I had..and I'd love for them to have better. And all I can do is hope that the part of my life I'm missing will eventually fall into place.
I miss you, I love you...and I'm sorry that you couldn't see what you had here...
I'm done ranting. I'm tired.. praying for sleep. Goodnight moon.
Not to mention the fact that...you..er..I really knew better.
I've kept it locked up tight in my chest for so long, held onto the last person I truly cared about until I stopped long enough to realize that I was letting my life waste away and just had to let go.
But, for some reason I let you in. I gave away all of me..because you made me feel safe. Because, for whatever reason, I didn't have a choice. I guess you really can't choose who you fall in love with.
I keep playing the regret card..and that is something I never do. I've always said that each person who has played a key role in my life was there for a reason if nothing else to teach me something. But, I can't help but kick myself for letting go. I can't help but think, maybe it would've been better if you'd never come down here. Because my heart is in a million pieces again, and I'm not sure I have the strength to pick it up and put it back together.
You left this morning. I helped you pack your car up with all your things, and whatever pieces of me I could send with you. I tried with all my might to stay strong, not to cry, not to show you that I was dying. But, the tears came, and I held on as tight as I could until you absolutely had to go. The best I can hope is that one day, you'll realize that you walked away from an amazing woman who would've loved you forever. That the tears that I cried will one day make a difference.
You told me that you wanted to keep in touch. You told me that you wanted to remain exclusive, come back and visit from time to time..see where our roads lead us....
My road will lead me to happiness one of these days. To a MAN who I love with all my heart who will love me the same. To so much better than I've had so far. Because I deserve it. Because I am an intelligent, beautiful, loving woman and one of these days someone will see that. I just wish it could be you.
I went out today..just tried to keep busy, keep my mind off things. I came home, put the little one to bed..asked the parents to listen for her, and went back out. I just could not be here..this empty room, this empty bed..I can still smell you on my skin..the tshirt you left..the memories are maddening..the emptiness. I cleaned myself up a bit, changed clothes, headed out on the town. I stopped by the store to pick up a few things I knew I'd forget after the club. I got about halfway to the car and this guy stopped me.. "I hope I'm not being too forward, but I waited for you to come out. I wanted to ask for your number." I still had my ring on so I just told him I was married and headed to the car. I went to the local cafe to veg for a bit before I went to the club because it was still early. A friend of mine is a waiter there and about 10 minutes into my "Veg" session he came up and whispered in my ear "Since you walked in two customers and two employees have told me that you are hot." I can't say the whole night wasn't an ego boost, it made me feel great. I danced til I could barely breathe, and I had a blast. But, it still leaves me thinking... if my friends can see the beauty inside me..if random motherfucker's think I'm beautiful .. why can't u see it? why aren't you here?
I'm going to live my life. I'm going to take care of the important things. My children, my work, getting my credit straight, getting my finances straight, finishing school...I want the best for my family, I want my children to have at least the same security that I had..and I'd love for them to have better. And all I can do is hope that the part of my life I'm missing will eventually fall into place.
I miss you, I love you...and I'm sorry that you couldn't see what you had here...
I'm done ranting. I'm tired.. praying for sleep. Goodnight moon.