The title wouldn't fit here...
"being in love isnt all about loving the person youre with. its about loving the person you become when youre with them"
So yea, that's the title I wanted, it just didn't fit. It's from something someone wrote on the internet a while ago. I saved it, because every once in a while I need to read it.
I just really feel alone right now.
I feel like I'm losing everyone.
Most of my friends from home don't talk to me. I try to IM them and talk to them every once in a while, but they always say they're too busy. It's almost like they're telling me that, somehow, I'm not busy enough. Why does it seem like I'm the only person putting any effort into still being people's friends? I'm not looking to talk for hours, but how hard is it to send a facebook or myspace comment. I talk to people from camp more than I talk to people I graduated with.
I've lost too many people, and it sucks. There are some people I lost that I think about every day. They were a huge part of my life for a while, then all of a sudden we don't really talk. And I try really hard to stay friends with them, and I say "We should hang out" and get no response, or try to talk to them online, and end up dragging a conversation out of them. I don't understand how not even a year ago I would be having conversations for hours every single day with some people, and now we don't talk at all. It hurts, it hurts a lot. These people were a huge part of my life, and I thought I was a huge part of theirs. That's why I can understand how someone can just let a friend go.
Maybe I should just learn to let things go...or maybe I don't want to.
You have no idea how much I miss you kids...
Another thing that's been bothering me is how I don't feel part of a group here at school. I feel I could belong in several different groups, but I'm never invited to do anything. I see all these away messages about groups going out and doing things, and then other people assume I was there, when the reality is that I wasn't invited. I don't like sitting here in my apartment doing work. I really really don't. I don't like sitting in my apartment at all. It's lonely, and I don't do alone well.
The Caty bullshit finally ended the other night. She needed to figure out how she felt, so I gave her space. I see things like this happen a lot, and the guy always calls every 5 minutes to see if the girl has made up her mind. That pisses said girl off, so I decided to give her space...3 weeks of space. But that seemed to be too much. It just goes to show you, everything I do is wrong, and nothing I put effort into ends well for me. I still don't understand her logic to any of this at all. It kills me to know I was so wrong. And I'd love to be able to say it gets easier each time, but it doesn't. It gets harder. Cause each time I find a girl more amazing than the last. I get a fleeting glimpse of how awesome it would be to be with said girl, then I get an "I'm not sure how I feel about you". One minute up, and 100 down. It's nice to get off of one and onto another, but I'd like that other one to get over hers and onto me. Just for once I'd like the girl I want to want me back. And it sucks when it's a toss up between the girl who isn't sure about her feelings for me (which, by the way, is a nice way for a girl to say "I don't like you") and the girl that's too fucking oblivious to figure out she should be dating you. Just to let all the girls know, if there's a guy who's constantly there for you, lets you talk to him about the guy you like (who is always an asshole), and who you thank for not being an asshole, you should be dating that guy, cause he's the one who really cares about you. If you can't figure that out, you seriously need to be shot, cause you're just a waste.
And lastly, I'd like to thank Dana for being the person most consistently there for me for the past 4 years. And I know what you're thinking: "Hey, didn't she fuck you over?" Well yea...but she's still better than you, and that's not her problem, that's yours.
Thank you Dana for listening to me bitch, you have no idea how much I really do appreciate it.
So yea, that's the title I wanted, it just didn't fit. It's from something someone wrote on the internet a while ago. I saved it, because every once in a while I need to read it.
I just really feel alone right now.
I feel like I'm losing everyone.
Most of my friends from home don't talk to me. I try to IM them and talk to them every once in a while, but they always say they're too busy. It's almost like they're telling me that, somehow, I'm not busy enough. Why does it seem like I'm the only person putting any effort into still being people's friends? I'm not looking to talk for hours, but how hard is it to send a facebook or myspace comment. I talk to people from camp more than I talk to people I graduated with.
I've lost too many people, and it sucks. There are some people I lost that I think about every day. They were a huge part of my life for a while, then all of a sudden we don't really talk. And I try really hard to stay friends with them, and I say "We should hang out" and get no response, or try to talk to them online, and end up dragging a conversation out of them. I don't understand how not even a year ago I would be having conversations for hours every single day with some people, and now we don't talk at all. It hurts, it hurts a lot. These people were a huge part of my life, and I thought I was a huge part of theirs. That's why I can understand how someone can just let a friend go.
Maybe I should just learn to let things go...or maybe I don't want to.
You have no idea how much I miss you kids...
Another thing that's been bothering me is how I don't feel part of a group here at school. I feel I could belong in several different groups, but I'm never invited to do anything. I see all these away messages about groups going out and doing things, and then other people assume I was there, when the reality is that I wasn't invited. I don't like sitting here in my apartment doing work. I really really don't. I don't like sitting in my apartment at all. It's lonely, and I don't do alone well.
The Caty bullshit finally ended the other night. She needed to figure out how she felt, so I gave her space. I see things like this happen a lot, and the guy always calls every 5 minutes to see if the girl has made up her mind. That pisses said girl off, so I decided to give her space...3 weeks of space. But that seemed to be too much. It just goes to show you, everything I do is wrong, and nothing I put effort into ends well for me. I still don't understand her logic to any of this at all. It kills me to know I was so wrong. And I'd love to be able to say it gets easier each time, but it doesn't. It gets harder. Cause each time I find a girl more amazing than the last. I get a fleeting glimpse of how awesome it would be to be with said girl, then I get an "I'm not sure how I feel about you". One minute up, and 100 down. It's nice to get off of one and onto another, but I'd like that other one to get over hers and onto me. Just for once I'd like the girl I want to want me back. And it sucks when it's a toss up between the girl who isn't sure about her feelings for me (which, by the way, is a nice way for a girl to say "I don't like you") and the girl that's too fucking oblivious to figure out she should be dating you. Just to let all the girls know, if there's a guy who's constantly there for you, lets you talk to him about the guy you like (who is always an asshole), and who you thank for not being an asshole, you should be dating that guy, cause he's the one who really cares about you. If you can't figure that out, you seriously need to be shot, cause you're just a waste.
And lastly, I'd like to thank Dana for being the person most consistently there for me for the past 4 years. And I know what you're thinking: "Hey, didn't she fuck you over?" Well yea...but she's still better than you, and that's not her problem, that's yours.
Thank you Dana for listening to me bitch, you have no idea how much I really do appreciate it.