clap for the wolfman
How about that inclement weather last week? It felt like a premenstrual giant was trying to pull the roof off my house! My phone went out instantly -- perhaps in fear of its life -- but surprisingly I didn't lose power. So I spent a very relaxing weekend actually reading actual books. Wow!
Also I haven't slept in three days. I have no idea why, but I'm beginning to suspect it has something to do with the forty million Peeps I ate over the weekend. I'm right at the point where all of human history is beginning to make sense, and I think it's all very humorous. Especially the wars. So, in that spirit:
SOME STUFF I REMEMBERED THAT I FORGOT TO MENTION:
Regarding Final Fantasy 13:
The gorgeous Caravaggio-adjacent ladyboy from Final Fantasy 13 Versus or Versus Final Fantasy 13 or Final Fantasy Versus 13 or whatever the hell it is, has finally got a name! It's "Sasha Fierce." No, it's not, it's "Nokuto Shinygay Glitteralia le Sparkleshoes du Malfoie." Yes, let's go with "Sasha Fierce," I agree. In the latest clip released by whomever owns the Final Fantasy franchise this week, you can watch Sasha frolic with his beffies, A Badly-Styled Megane Guy, A Mystic-Tanned River Phoenix, and Gay Openly Gay Wolverine. That chick is his sister, correct? Not even Nomura is gross enough to force Sasha to hypothetically bang a girl whom the story makes a point of acknowledging looks exactly like him. Is he? She also looks as though she might potentially have thoughts and know more than four words; this worries me. Japan does not like a female character who knows words and can think. Japan likes a depilated Elmo in an appallingly out-of-date pink dress. Also take note of the appearance of Alan Rickman's fugly digital brother, Yucky Rickman. I bet he'll cause Sasha no end of trouble, that Yucky. What a wacky guy! Always underhandedly taking kingdoms over when the heirs apparent are distracted by their own navels! I did read Hamlet, you know, Nomura. Twice! As did everybody else who went through the tenth grade. This shit is coming as a surprise only to 12-year-olds, and perhaps yourself. Versus looks like it was developed by an army of typewriter-wielding monkeys specifically for the purpose of putting the shine on Advent Children, and there's no way I'm ever going to buy it. But I'm hoping someone puts the cutscenes on TPB like they've been doing for the last five years for every videogame ever. Because I would put a ring on it. In Massachusetts. (Sorry.)
The Pirate Bay! Noooooooo! What will I do while I'm waiting on misappropriated titles from my parents' Netflix queue? And who downloads music from TPB? Who has been able to find enough non-retarded music to make downloading torrents from anywhere worthwhile? Don't answer that, in case you're twelve and love Fall Out Boy. I'm sleep-deprived and therefore capable of mounting a temporary-insanity defense, but still. You don't want to go through life with only one ear.
In Case You Thought I Was Kidding About Ewan McGregor Looking Like a Feegle:
[This was an image in my ugly old LJ scrapbook. Sorry you missed it, but it probably wasn't very exciting.]
You're welcome!
Not only will I love Ewan McGregor forever and ever, but I have a new appreciation for Galadriel, too.
(I found the portrait of Rob Anybody in a section of the Discworld illustrations labeled " Feeglespotting," in case you enjoy absurd but total symmetry.) (The "F" is cut off because I am unwilling to kill my book.)
I Love You Philip Morris still doesn't have a US distributor :[
I Finally Watched Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
It was surprisingly not terrible. Someone had semi-directed it! There were interesting-looking effects! There were like six whole minutes of Alan Rickman!
The Tonks/Lupin thing is going to be really, really, really gross. It was jaw-droppingly inappropriate in the book, but watching it is going to rocket the squick factor onto the surface of Jupiter, whose bone-crushing gravity will spread it out to nine times its original size. Not that either of them is unattractive or unappealing on their own merits, of course; it's just that I've never really wanted to watch my interesting-looking algebra teacher badly and forlornly re-enact Austen novels with the local (and probably lesbian) owner of the holistic remedies shop. No.
Was there ever an explanation given for Lupin's being shut up and allowed to bite his own ass off as an adolescent werewolf? As opposed to, say, keeping the wolf confined and stupefying it or immobilizing it or transfiguring it into a teapot -- or perhaps clubbing it over the head with something and knocking it unconscious? Are werewolves notoriously resistant to non-expository magic? And wooden clubs? I don't remember.
I also really liked Snape's Occlumenical Hall of Shame. Apparently, as a teenaged boy, he once walked out of a public bathroom with toilet paper stuck to his shoe. Horrors! HORRORS! "Cheer up, buttercup," I wanted to tell him, "you're going to grow up to be Alan Rickman! And those mean boys are all going to die horrible, horrible, bloody, untimely deaths. Well, you too. But them first!♥"
James Potter looked ickily like fanart. Except for the terrible blond bowl cut.
Also, I had no idea what was going on most of the time. Very helpful. I've found that what really gets you through a Harry Potter film is trying to decide what book it's been made in the image of, and then, once you think you have a guess, trying to remember what comes next in the story -- Basilisks? Dragons? Magical, um, rats? Talking cats? What book was that in? Wait, that was Alice in Wonderland, wasn't it? -- which can take hours, and by the time you've figured it out, the movie's already over, and you can go to sleep, or read dirty fanfic.
Lastly, did you notice that Dumbledore, who is the only Potter character Rowling is willing to admit is homosexual (I'm sure there are others) (looking at you, Remus) (Severus) (Kingsley) (Sirius) (McGonagall) (Tonks) (Ron) (Malfoys) (Sporty) (Aragorn), was also perennially fixated on sweets? Which is one of the many tiresome stereotypes affected by congenitally gay characters in Japanese comics? It's a small world, after all. [*AUTOMATED DIORAMA*]
Also I haven't slept in three days. I have no idea why, but I'm beginning to suspect it has something to do with the forty million Peeps I ate over the weekend. I'm right at the point where all of human history is beginning to make sense, and I think it's all very humorous. Especially the wars. So, in that spirit:
SOME STUFF I REMEMBERED THAT I FORGOT TO MENTION:
Regarding Final Fantasy 13:
The gorgeous Caravaggio-adjacent ladyboy from Final Fantasy 13 Versus or Versus Final Fantasy 13 or Final Fantasy Versus 13 or whatever the hell it is, has finally got a name! It's "Sasha Fierce." No, it's not, it's "Nokuto Shinygay Glitteralia le Sparkleshoes du Malfoie." Yes, let's go with "Sasha Fierce," I agree. In the latest clip released by whomever owns the Final Fantasy franchise this week, you can watch Sasha frolic with his beffies, A Badly-Styled Megane Guy, A Mystic-Tanned River Phoenix, and Gay Openly Gay Wolverine. That chick is his sister, correct? Not even Nomura is gross enough to force Sasha to hypothetically bang a girl whom the story makes a point of acknowledging looks exactly like him. Is he? She also looks as though she might potentially have thoughts and know more than four words; this worries me. Japan does not like a female character who knows words and can think. Japan likes a depilated Elmo in an appallingly out-of-date pink dress. Also take note of the appearance of Alan Rickman's fugly digital brother, Yucky Rickman. I bet he'll cause Sasha no end of trouble, that Yucky. What a wacky guy! Always underhandedly taking kingdoms over when the heirs apparent are distracted by their own navels! I did read Hamlet, you know, Nomura. Twice! As did everybody else who went through the tenth grade. This shit is coming as a surprise only to 12-year-olds, and perhaps yourself. Versus looks like it was developed by an army of typewriter-wielding monkeys specifically for the purpose of putting the shine on Advent Children, and there's no way I'm ever going to buy it. But I'm hoping someone puts the cutscenes on TPB like they've been doing for the last five years for every videogame ever. Because I would put a ring on it. In Massachusetts. (Sorry.)
The Pirate Bay! Noooooooo! What will I do while I'm waiting on misappropriated titles from my parents' Netflix queue? And who downloads music from TPB? Who has been able to find enough non-retarded music to make downloading torrents from anywhere worthwhile? Don't answer that, in case you're twelve and love Fall Out Boy. I'm sleep-deprived and therefore capable of mounting a temporary-insanity defense, but still. You don't want to go through life with only one ear.
In Case You Thought I Was Kidding About Ewan McGregor Looking Like a Feegle:
[This was an image in my ugly old LJ scrapbook. Sorry you missed it, but it probably wasn't very exciting.]
You're welcome!
Not only will I love Ewan McGregor forever and ever, but I have a new appreciation for Galadriel, too.
(I found the portrait of Rob Anybody in a section of the Discworld illustrations labeled " Feeglespotting," in case you enjoy absurd but total symmetry.) (The "F" is cut off because I am unwilling to kill my book.)
I Love You Philip Morris still doesn't have a US distributor :[
I Finally Watched Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
It was surprisingly not terrible. Someone had semi-directed it! There were interesting-looking effects! There were like six whole minutes of Alan Rickman!
The Tonks/Lupin thing is going to be really, really, really gross. It was jaw-droppingly inappropriate in the book, but watching it is going to rocket the squick factor onto the surface of Jupiter, whose bone-crushing gravity will spread it out to nine times its original size. Not that either of them is unattractive or unappealing on their own merits, of course; it's just that I've never really wanted to watch my interesting-looking algebra teacher badly and forlornly re-enact Austen novels with the local (and probably lesbian) owner of the holistic remedies shop. No.
Was there ever an explanation given for Lupin's being shut up and allowed to bite his own ass off as an adolescent werewolf? As opposed to, say, keeping the wolf confined and stupefying it or immobilizing it or transfiguring it into a teapot -- or perhaps clubbing it over the head with something and knocking it unconscious? Are werewolves notoriously resistant to non-expository magic? And wooden clubs? I don't remember.
I also really liked Snape's Occlumenical Hall of Shame. Apparently, as a teenaged boy, he once walked out of a public bathroom with toilet paper stuck to his shoe. Horrors! HORRORS! "Cheer up, buttercup," I wanted to tell him, "you're going to grow up to be Alan Rickman! And those mean boys are all going to die horrible, horrible, bloody, untimely deaths. Well, you too. But them first!♥"
James Potter looked ickily like fanart. Except for the terrible blond bowl cut.
Also, I had no idea what was going on most of the time. Very helpful. I've found that what really gets you through a Harry Potter film is trying to decide what book it's been made in the image of, and then, once you think you have a guess, trying to remember what comes next in the story -- Basilisks? Dragons? Magical, um, rats? Talking cats? What book was that in? Wait, that was Alice in Wonderland, wasn't it? -- which can take hours, and by the time you've figured it out, the movie's already over, and you can go to sleep, or read dirty fanfic.
Lastly, did you notice that Dumbledore, who is the only Potter character Rowling is willing to admit is homosexual (I'm sure there are others) (looking at you, Remus) (Severus) (Kingsley) (Sirius) (McGonagall) (Tonks) (Ron) (Malfoys) (Sporty) (Aragorn), was also perennially fixated on sweets? Which is one of the many tiresome stereotypes affected by congenitally gay characters in Japanese comics? It's a small world, after all. [*AUTOMATED DIORAMA*]