Mudita = Compersion Yo
When you lead an esoteric lifestyle, sometimes you come across something so strange that you can’t help but take note of it. In this case, I’m going to talk about a concept that is central to both Buddhism and polyamory.
This isn’t another long or heavy Buddhism post, but it does start out with one of the Brahmaviharas, Buddhism’s main virtues, which are loving-kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity. In particular, I want to talk about mudita, or sympathetic joy.
Mudita is the pleasure that comes from delighting in other people’s well-being or good fortune, rather than begrudging it. The traditional example of the mind state of mudita is the attitude of a parent observing a growing child’s accomplishments and successes. Jealousy is the “far enemy” or oppsite of mudita.
Compare that with the term “compersion”, which is commonly used in polyamorous circles. Compersion is what you experience when you take pleasure in your partner’s other relationships. It isn’t the erotic feeling of voyeurism, but the satisfaction that comes with enabling your partner’s genuine happiness. Compersion is also seen as the opposite of jealousy, which is when one feels pain as a result of a parter’s joy.
As you can see, the poly concept and the Buddhist one are essentially identical, describing a state of empathy and goodwill toward others that is otherwise completely alien to our modern culture.
I’ve repeatedly mentioned my own revelatory first experience with compersion when I was living with Ailsa, with one of the better descriptions appearing here. I find it amazing that I have been drawn, under very different circumstances, to these two completely disparate communities where the same concept is so central.
The one way that the Buddhist definition of sympathetic joy surpasses that of compersion is this: some Buddhists believe that as one cultivates and develops mudita, one becomes more secure in the abundance of one’s own inner happiness, which makes it easier to celebrate the joy of others, as well. So far, this has been true in my experience, and it will be an interesting exercise to continue to develop this trait further.
That’s all. It might not sound like much, but I just found it really surprising that these two communities with very different agendas espouse the same uncommon idea.