...the sport of babysitting...
Let me start this entry off by saying: my name is Skylar, I am 17 and I still do not have my drivers license. I took today off today to sit around, but mostly to go, while my mom was off work, and finally get everything taken care of concerning the license delema. Previously there had been some pretty crazy set backs, and even tho i have tried several times, Somehow, i was still a ride-begger. Today was going to end it all tho, today Jesse White and all of his Drivers License Nazi's were going to loose one more battle with me.
So far the battle was being won by me, standing in line, fighting off evil pointless questions, eye exams to my side. Then, down to the last battle, the drivers test. And I know how you think and i know how I right, something bad must be coming up. Well, your right.
My phone rang inside of my pocket and i reached for it and it said "Nana" on the caller I.D. so i handed it over to my mom because I knew it wasnt for me. Every now and then when Mom and I are out together the cell phone is technically hers too. Something was different about her voice when she was talking tho. My heart began to sink.
"We have to go, they think Nana passed away."
We have just hit critical mass. Nothing matterd in my head. Not the License, Not missing school, Nothing. I wanted to know WHY they THINK she passed away. I wanted to know NOW what was wrong with my grandma. We left the drivers license place right befor my drivers test was to be conducted, but whatever, I had larger things on my mind.
On the way over I asked about why they THOUGHT nana had passed away, and why they didnt KNOW. I guess this was all very recent, when my aunt called mom while we were sitting there, the parametics where in the condo already assisting my grandma. But everyone kinda knew this was it. Earlier a D.N.R (do not resusitate) was signed and they werent alowed to do too much with her.
When we got there it was obvious. There was no ambulance and there was only a cop car. We got up to the condo and my aunt greeted us with hugs and tears. I heard the words "Im so glad skylar could be here" thru her weakening voice. I was numb, my mind went blank. Why was she glad I was here? Why am I here, nothing is wrong. But then she said you can go see her. I rememberd why were here then.
As much as I hated seeing her like this, I am so glad she passed in her own bed. A lot had been going on with hospitals and nursing homes and everything and she just wanted to be home. And there she was, in her bed, in her home. Peaceful finally. The breathing machine that has accopanied her for so many years was turned off. She was completely natural. Thats how shes supposed to look, I could hear myself say.
We said some words to comfort ourselves and tried to comfort eachother, but i had nothing to say. I dont know where i was. My body was in this room with her body, but I just wasnt there. I found myself going through ever moment i have ever spent with her, every event that made it into my memory, all flashing around me. All the fun times, all the times where i was a pain, all the nights i spent there, all the times we watched movies or laughed at TV shows. All of it, Way too fast, and then i blinked and it was all over. My Grandmother had died.
Nothing made sense anymore. I was crying. I was crying and people were hugging me and saying things, but i was just crying.
The last person i remember crying on was Sherry. Now sherry wasnt related to us in any way other than friend of the family. Sherry has been friends with the Judd's for probably longer than i was alive. It is even fabled that she used to change my diapers. I can always remember sherry being around and about. She was also my grandmothers maid and so she visited with nana quite frequently.
From time to time befor nana went through the whole hospital and nursing home thing, Sherry would stay with my grandma overnight, just incase she would happen to wake up in the middle of the night and need something. (which she often did) and I remember that since Nana has been back at home (no longer than a week or so) this was the first time sherry had been over to spend the night.
Back to what happend, I was still in Sherrys arms, crying, and I came to my senses for a minute, and i believe that it was just for her to tell this story:
(warning: this section is highly religious and particulary christian. I would rather not have to say this, but i would really like you not to clutter up the comments on my grandmothers memorial entry to be about your stupid oppinions about death, dieing, religion, or human nature.) Christian is just how my family is. We believe what we believe.
Sherry held my hand and told me she was with my grandma all night. She said that nana was having trouble sleeping and so sherry was up most of the night holding nanas hand and rubbing her arm. Not that anything was wrong with my grandma's health at that time, it was just nana just wouldnt sleep. While in there, holding her hand, Sherry said that Nana kept telling her "Jesus is in the room with me", Sherry kept repling "Marylin, I am in the room with you." Then she would say "Im not afraid to go to him when he takes me, but he is here." Sherry just held her hand and stayed with her all night long, barely getting any sleep. It wasnt untill morning that Jesus did take her.
This was enough to send me back into my crying fits, but i felt somewhat relieved at that point. Nana had been suffering for some time now. Almost a year from when she first went into the hospital. She was not happy about most things. I would ask her how she was feeling and she seldom if ever said anything about being "good". But through this story i felt nana being relieved for a chance.
That and I felt like Sherry did the best thing she could have and stayed by her side all night. There is a part in me that knows i didnt visit with my grandma enough anymore and i know that i should have and would have knowing i had this much time left. But i felt like Sherry stayed up next to my grandma all night, for me(and others, but for right now, me), and that ment so much to me. I didnt know how to put into word my thanks. She was there for her final hours and she provided comfort to her and knowing that nana was with a friend and her jesus all night makes me feel relieved.
The rest of the day just carried on. It felt so weird. Nothing was going on, but everyone there knew what was happening.
My Aunt, who lived in the same condo complex and with Nana is taking it the hardest because while nana has been so attention needing and "sick" for lack of better words, Laurie had to be there with her through everyday of it. And now her mom, who was every minute of her life for a long time through all of this craziness, is now gone.
Other than that we are all taking it in our own ways. I love to remember her and her face when she was younger than 80. I love to remember the goofy faces she would make and i love to think about the love that we shared.
I am going to miss her
(thanks for listening)
love
your_favorite_grandson
I LOVE YOU NANA.
So far the battle was being won by me, standing in line, fighting off evil pointless questions, eye exams to my side. Then, down to the last battle, the drivers test. And I know how you think and i know how I right, something bad must be coming up. Well, your right.
My phone rang inside of my pocket and i reached for it and it said "Nana" on the caller I.D. so i handed it over to my mom because I knew it wasnt for me. Every now and then when Mom and I are out together the cell phone is technically hers too. Something was different about her voice when she was talking tho. My heart began to sink.
"We have to go, they think Nana passed away."
We have just hit critical mass. Nothing matterd in my head. Not the License, Not missing school, Nothing. I wanted to know WHY they THINK she passed away. I wanted to know NOW what was wrong with my grandma. We left the drivers license place right befor my drivers test was to be conducted, but whatever, I had larger things on my mind.
On the way over I asked about why they THOUGHT nana had passed away, and why they didnt KNOW. I guess this was all very recent, when my aunt called mom while we were sitting there, the parametics where in the condo already assisting my grandma. But everyone kinda knew this was it. Earlier a D.N.R (do not resusitate) was signed and they werent alowed to do too much with her.
When we got there it was obvious. There was no ambulance and there was only a cop car. We got up to the condo and my aunt greeted us with hugs and tears. I heard the words "Im so glad skylar could be here" thru her weakening voice. I was numb, my mind went blank. Why was she glad I was here? Why am I here, nothing is wrong. But then she said you can go see her. I rememberd why were here then.
As much as I hated seeing her like this, I am so glad she passed in her own bed. A lot had been going on with hospitals and nursing homes and everything and she just wanted to be home. And there she was, in her bed, in her home. Peaceful finally. The breathing machine that has accopanied her for so many years was turned off. She was completely natural. Thats how shes supposed to look, I could hear myself say.
We said some words to comfort ourselves and tried to comfort eachother, but i had nothing to say. I dont know where i was. My body was in this room with her body, but I just wasnt there. I found myself going through ever moment i have ever spent with her, every event that made it into my memory, all flashing around me. All the fun times, all the times where i was a pain, all the nights i spent there, all the times we watched movies or laughed at TV shows. All of it, Way too fast, and then i blinked and it was all over. My Grandmother had died.
Nothing made sense anymore. I was crying. I was crying and people were hugging me and saying things, but i was just crying.
The last person i remember crying on was Sherry. Now sherry wasnt related to us in any way other than friend of the family. Sherry has been friends with the Judd's for probably longer than i was alive. It is even fabled that she used to change my diapers. I can always remember sherry being around and about. She was also my grandmothers maid and so she visited with nana quite frequently.
From time to time befor nana went through the whole hospital and nursing home thing, Sherry would stay with my grandma overnight, just incase she would happen to wake up in the middle of the night and need something. (which she often did) and I remember that since Nana has been back at home (no longer than a week or so) this was the first time sherry had been over to spend the night.
Back to what happend, I was still in Sherrys arms, crying, and I came to my senses for a minute, and i believe that it was just for her to tell this story:
(warning: this section is highly religious and particulary christian. I would rather not have to say this, but i would really like you not to clutter up the comments on my grandmothers memorial entry to be about your stupid oppinions about death, dieing, religion, or human nature.) Christian is just how my family is. We believe what we believe.
Sherry held my hand and told me she was with my grandma all night. She said that nana was having trouble sleeping and so sherry was up most of the night holding nanas hand and rubbing her arm. Not that anything was wrong with my grandma's health at that time, it was just nana just wouldnt sleep. While in there, holding her hand, Sherry said that Nana kept telling her "Jesus is in the room with me", Sherry kept repling "Marylin, I am in the room with you." Then she would say "Im not afraid to go to him when he takes me, but he is here." Sherry just held her hand and stayed with her all night long, barely getting any sleep. It wasnt untill morning that Jesus did take her.
This was enough to send me back into my crying fits, but i felt somewhat relieved at that point. Nana had been suffering for some time now. Almost a year from when she first went into the hospital. She was not happy about most things. I would ask her how she was feeling and she seldom if ever said anything about being "good". But through this story i felt nana being relieved for a chance.
That and I felt like Sherry did the best thing she could have and stayed by her side all night. There is a part in me that knows i didnt visit with my grandma enough anymore and i know that i should have and would have knowing i had this much time left. But i felt like Sherry stayed up next to my grandma all night, for me(and others, but for right now, me), and that ment so much to me. I didnt know how to put into word my thanks. She was there for her final hours and she provided comfort to her and knowing that nana was with a friend and her jesus all night makes me feel relieved.
The rest of the day just carried on. It felt so weird. Nothing was going on, but everyone there knew what was happening.
My Aunt, who lived in the same condo complex and with Nana is taking it the hardest because while nana has been so attention needing and "sick" for lack of better words, Laurie had to be there with her through everyday of it. And now her mom, who was every minute of her life for a long time through all of this craziness, is now gone.
Other than that we are all taking it in our own ways. I love to remember her and her face when she was younger than 80. I love to remember the goofy faces she would make and i love to think about the love that we shared.
I am going to miss her
(thanks for listening)
love
your_favorite_grandson
I LOVE YOU NANA.