"If you don't eat yer meat, you can't have any pudding! How can you have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat?!"

"Wait, so all three of them are lesbians? That's like, three more lesbians than I expected!"

"I'm not rejecting you as a boyfriend, I'm accepting you as a friend."

"We were fourteen, and I learned all about breasts that summer."

"I want to play this by the book. Unfortunately, I feel like I can't read."

"There's blunt, and then there's Ben."

"There's just no way to creep you out."

"Well there are a few actually. One of them invovles sticking a couple fingers up my asshole. I have to not be expecting it, also. But we won't talk about that."

"We're hanging out tomorrow. Well, today, actually."

"Oh wow, it is today already."

"Yeah, it's been today for awhile. Actually, it's always today."

"You're like a puppy!"

"Yes, except that I don't shit all over the floor, and puppies don't know how to give head."

First, God created idiots. That was just for practice. Then He created school boards. - Mark Twain

H: "Virgin, as in, v-i-r-g-e-n?"
B: "Actually, as in v-i-r-g-i-n. You haven't been one for so long, you've forgotten how to spell it."

"If there's an e at the end, I'm fine."

"You're way too much fun."

"What you need is for someone to come over, fuck you gently, and tuck you in."

L: "Have you ever seen a fairy?"
B: "A real one? No."