(no subject)
i havent been able to write in my real journal, so i guess ill try this one. i wasnt going to originally but i just read one of my friends entries which was describing how live journal is only good for looking at other peoples live journals so you can find out whats going on in their lives without letting them know you know. i secretly hope he was referring to me in hi entry, i miss him and its not that things are awkward i just feel like calling him or seeing him is inappropriate. I also feel like i can't trust his word, like when he says he wants to hang out and then doesnt call when we're supposed to puts me on the defensive. big talk, little action. then theres the other one who writes extensively in his live journal and i get sick of reading them, he's so juvenile that i cant figure out my previous attraction to him. and now there's the incessant pickyness and the fact that i can let something like a name bother me so much that i would disregard my feelings for someone. im just looking for any excuse not to get hurt, yet simultaneously complaining about isolation. slef inflicted isolation mind you, oh the irony. i probably exerting a freudian defense mechanism of some sort. i wish i was more knowledgable about these things, i constantly feel ignorant and falsely smart, like i dont deserve the title because i truely know nothing.