FIC: Western Lovers:Cowboys & Biologists (31/34)
Title: Western Lovers: Cowboys and Biologists <31/34>
Author:sassywitch
Beta by the talented alassenya
Pairing: OB/DW
Rating: NC-17 for the series, and for this chapter.
Summary: David is a hard, jaded warrior, Orlando is a biologist tracking Big Cats on the Double L.
Feedback: Feedback is my writers crack, which is not to be confused at all with plumbers crack.
Disclaimer: Not at all true in reality. These men whilst adorable and perfectly happy to slash themselves, their actual relationship is something that they only know. This story is adapted from a series of books that I adored when I was younger written by Elizabeth Lowell.
Word Count: 3078
Previous Story: Can be found here
Previous Ordaisy chapter: As suggested by mystery_ink can be found here
Previous Chapters:
Chapter 1| Chapter 2 | Chapter 3| Chapter 4| Chapter 5| Chapter 6| Chapter 7| Chapter 8| Chapter 9| Chapter 10| Chapter 11| Chapter 12| Chapter 13| Chapter 14| Chapter 15| Chapter 16| Chapter 17| Chapter 18| Chapter 19| Chapter 20| Chapter 21| Chapter 22| Chapter 23| Chapter 24| Chapter 25| Chapter 26| Chapter 27| Chapter 28| Chapter 29| Chapter 30
Posted to: fellowshippers, monaboyd and ordaisy
Header Art: Courtesy of the incredibly talented loki_girl.
~*~*~*~*~*
As Orlando trudged through the melting snow cover, he failed to notice the sprouting growth of new ground cover and the emergence of life from it’s icy shroud. His head was filled with the precious memories of his time on the Double L. The morning after the dance when they had both shown up for breakfast, sleep rumpled and both obviously sated and content only to endure the good natured ribbing of David’s family and friends. The times both of them had spent warm in the others embrace, simply watching nature unfold around them. Orlando closed his eyes sadly as he struggled not to give in to the desolation that filled him. For two weeks now Orlando had waited, hoping against hope that David would turn up, that he would realize what Orlando meant to him and come back. Every unexpected noise, every unexpected glimpse of movement would cause a reactive smile of happiness to split Orlando’s face. It was never David, though, and sadly, he realized that it never would be. David had gone, forever. Their final night together, making love tenderly under the stars had shown David the error of his ways and he had done the only thing he knew to do.
Baby found David’s tracks at the base of the ridge that overlooked the cougar’s den. The realization that David had been so close to Orlando and hadn’t even said so much as hello drove dismal shards of pain into him. Even as Orlando looked frantically around, hoping to find David, he knew it would be futile.
Orlando looked at David’s tracks and fought not to cry out with loneliness. It had been two weeks since David had come to the cabin. The memories of being joined with him haunted Orlando, bringing the sharp sting of tears to his eyes even as his body stirred with remembered ecstasy. Blindly he looked at the indentations David’s boots had left in the newly fertile earth, then tilted his head and called into the wind.
“David! David, can’t you hear me? I love you!”
Nothing answered. Nothing would. David was gone.
For the first time Orlando admitted to himself that his warrior would not come to him again. His love had not been able to heal David. Even worse, his repeated offerings of love had undermined the peace of mind David had won at such a terrible cost in the burned-out villages of Afghanistan.
The real world is a place where all you can do with your prayers and medicine and rage is hold the babies until they die and then bury them and walk away, just walk away, because any man who cares for anything enough to be hurt by it’s loss is a fool.
David had taken his emotions, locked them up and walked away, forgetting the existence of a key.
It had worked. David had survived where other men had died. He had stayed sane where other men had gone mad. He had kept control of himself where other men had become savages.
Then Orlando had come to the dark warrior, offering love to heal him, offering himself in ways he couldn’t refuse, stripping him of the control that was all that had kept him whole.
I’d give my soul not to want you Orlando.
Yet even when cornered, torn apart, wild with the pain of Orlando’s temptation, even then David had not turned on him, had not defended himself against Orlando with his superior strength and savage skill. Instead he had given ecstasy.
In return, Orlando had given him a new taste of the old agony. Orlando would die remembering the wild darkness in his eyes and the extraordinary gentleness of his body.
“Warrior,” Orlando whispered, trembling, his fingertips tracing across the almost faded bruise on the curve of his neck, left there by David’s nipping kisses. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know what I was doing to you. I didn’t think what the cost would be if I couldn’t heal you.”
Orlando heard his own words and for the first time understood his own naïve arrogance - he had thought himself capable of healing a man he couldn’t even make smile. As the instant of understanding came, agony went through him as deeply as ecstacy had, hammer blows of pain twisting through his mind and body, driving him to his knees. With a low sound he bent his head and wrapped his arms around himself.
The pain, David. My god, the pain. I would give my soul…
After a long time Orlando straightened and slowly stood. Despite the tears that would not stop falling, he walked back to the cabin. There was no reason to stay there any longer, no excuse. His preliminary survey was complete, his notes in order, everything was ready to be handed over to others who would decide whether to continue the research at Fangorn Canyon.
He should have left a week ago, but he had stayed on, making excuses about unfinished work, watching the horizon, hoping and praying and hungering for the man he loved. Now nothing remained but to take the advice of the warrior who knew how to survive.
Walk away, just walk away.
Orlando began packing up his belongings and stowing them in the truck. Baby watched him with total alertness, yellow eyes intent, sensing that something was wrong. Orlando spoke to him quietly from time to time, but never slowed the pace of his movements until the cabin lay empty again, no trace of his presence but the ashes cold in the hearth.
Without a backward glance, Orlando drove from Fangorn Canyon, never hesitating until he came to a fork in the track. The left hand road led to Helm’s Deep. The other led to the Double L home yards.
Orlando’s mind chose the left hand fork. His hands chose the right.
When Orlando drove the truck into the ranch house’s broad graveled front drive, there was only one vehicle parked between Dom’s house and the barn. Orlando got out of the truck and started to close the door. Baby shot by him in a fluid leap, but once free he made no attempt to run off. He simply stood and watched him with an unwavering yellow glance that told him he would resist being separated from his master. The wolf didn’t know what was wrong; he simply knew that something was.
“Heel,” Orlando said softly.
Baby vacillated between charging up the stairs to his favourite little person, or staying with his troubled master before he obeyed the command and moved to stand at Orlando's heel like a black shadow
The sun was almost hot in the ranch yard. Flowers bloomed vividly in beds that ran along the porch, beds that had been lovingly tended by Dom as he taught his love of nature to Daisy May. The bright colours and soft petals spoke eloquently of winter’s surrender to spring.
Orlando knocked at the door. A familiar voice answered from within. “Door's open. There’s coffee in the kitchen. I’ll be with you as soon as I get Lennox settled down.”
Orlando hesitated, then opened the door and walked into the living room. Two playpens stood along the wall beneath a whimsical hand-carved mobile featuring what appeared to be elves and wizards. One playpen was empty. The other held Lana, dressed in a soft pink playsuit. She was fussing in the manner of a baby who had been awakened too early. Orlando smiled as Daisy-May toddled toward them, her fingers sifting through Baby’s ruff as she moved to hug her friend.
“Stay.” Orlando said quietly to Baby as he sank to the floor, Daisy May curling into his side patting him with the fervor of a friendly toddler, her tiny hand brushing across the wolf’s jaws as he turned his head to lick her carefully.
Drawn by Lana’s muted fussing, Orlando went and stood by the playpen.
“Hello my little angel,” Orlando said gently. “I’m sorry I woke you up.”
Lana stopped grumping, looked at Orlando and held her arms out in the confident demand of a well loved child. Orlando bent and lifted the little girl into his arms. The compact warmth and sleepy resilience of Lana’s body brought back an avalanche of memories of another small person, another compact bundle of warmth, and laughter like a field of poppies in the sun.
Holding Lana, rocking slowly, humming softly, Orlando closed his eyes and wished with all his heart that he had been able to have this with David. Wishing that he had been physically able to take the possibility of this, from David, away with him, a tiny piece of David he could nurture forever.
“What are you doing here Orli?” Dom asked as he walked into the room, Lennox snuggled sleepily in his arms.
“It’s time for me to go.” Orlando murmured flatly as he returned the now sleeping Lana to her playpen.
“Running away won’t help.” Dom replied, remembering his own flight from love and the Double L while watching Orlando closely.
“I’m not running, I just need to leave today.” Orlando claimed.
“You need to leave on a day when Billy and Daisy are out working the lease lands on the other side of Mortensen Ridge? Daisy won’t be back until well after sundown. I can get one of the hands to saddle you a horse and take you out there?”
Orlando closed his eyes for an instant, then shook his head slowly, the curls that David loved so much bouncing around his face and reminding him of his lovers gentle touch. A sheen of bright tears filling his eyes.
“Come here.” Dom said as he put Lennox down in his playpen. Looking at Orlando’s pale face, red rimmed eyes and drawn mouth, “I think first of all you need this.” He pulled Orlando into his arms for a tight hug.
“Would you give him a message for me?” Orlando stood still in Dom’s embrace for a few moments before he melted into Dom’s arms.
“Come and have a coffee with me.” Dom asked gently, “I don’t think you should drive like this.” His hands stroked Orlando’s back slowly.
“I don’t want to hurt him anymore.” Orlando sighed, “I need to leave now, give him time to heal.”
“You have done nothing but heal him.” Dom murmured.
“I’ve finished the preliminary survey of the cougars in and around Fangorn Canyon. There are two full time resident cats. One is a mother with three cubs. The other is a young male. I’ve found absolutely no indication that the cougars are feeding on anything but natural prey.”
Dom let out a long sigh, understanding Orlando’s avoidance tactics. “That’s good news. We didn’t want to have to hunt down the cougars. Nobody was happy about the prospect either, but they would have done it to protect the calves.”
Orlando felt cold at the thought of David having to kill the mama cougar. David had known too much of death and violence, not enough of love and life.
“I’m glad the mama cougar lives on the Double L land.” Orlando said after a moment. “She’ll be safe here.”
“God yes. David watches over her like a mother hen. I’ve been trying to get him to take me to see the cubs, but he’s worried about disturbing her before the cubs are old enough to leave the den.”
“She’s a good mother,” Orlando said. “All three of her cubs are lively and strong. When she calls to them, she makes the most beautiful sounds….”
Orlando closed his eyes and touched the leather thong that held the tiny gold ring that lay against his chest.
“You look tired, and it’s a long way from here to anywhere else,” Dom said. “Why don’t you stay for dinner and then overnight? You can park your truck behind the house if you’re worried about him seeing you. He doesn’t even need to know you’re here. Billy would love to hear more about the cats.”
“David can answer his questions.”
“Thanks,” Dom said dryly, “But I’d just as soon Billy didn’t take on his brother right now. In the past two weeks David has set new records for being a taciturn asshole. He’s shut down, sealed up and his eyes are enough to give Baby pause. Frankly, Billy and I were hoping you would show up here. Anyone else who tries to reach David will get their head handed to them.”
Slowly Orlando shook his head.
“Don’t misunderstand me,” Dom said quickly, touching Orlando’s arm. “You know he’s a good man. You don’t have to worry about him hurting you, he loves you. He would never hurt you physically. You and I both know, you better than anyone I’m guessing, the great gentleness he’s capable of. Seeing him with the babies is almost enough to make the hardest man cry.”
“I know.” Orlando whispered.
“Then why won’t you stay and talk to him?”
“Because he doesn’t want to talk to me.”
There was no way that Dom could misunderstand the pain in Orlando’s voice, in his expression, in the fine trembling of his fingers as he reached up and unfastened the thong around his neck and unthreaded the gold ring from the leather. Carefully he looped the ring on the curve of a fairy’s wings on the mobile above the playpens. The gold glistened like sunlight caught in the mobile’s changing lines.
“Orlando?” Dom questioned softly.
“Tell Billy that the university will send him a copy of my report, including photographs of the cougars tracks and sketches of the boundaries of their territories,” Orlando said, his voice husky. “And tell him thank you from the bottom of my heart. Too many ranchers would have killed the cats out of suspicion and mistrust and ignorance.”
Orlando turned and walked quickly to the door. Kneeling in front of Baby, he lifted the sleeping Daisy-May into his arms and turned back, pressing her into the stunned Dominic’s arms. At a single small movement of his hand, Baby rose. With the silence of smoke, the wolf followed Orlando outdoors. Behind them the tiny braided gold ring shimmered and shone above the healthy, sleeping babies.
~*~*~*~*~
When David came in the front door of the ranch house, the first stop was always the playpens. They were empty which meant that the “Double L monsters” were either having their bedtime baths or their final feeding before bed. Disappointed at having missed a chance to play with Lana and Lennox, David took off his black Stetson, snapped it against his thigh, and tugged the hat back in place on his head.
“Need any help?” David called through the house.
“So far so good,” Dom called back, “Coffee’s in the kitchen.”
David poured himself a mug of coffee and went back to the living room, bothered by something he couldn’t name. Eyes narrowed, he looked around while the squeals of a child splashing enthusiastically in the bath drifted through the house. Though nothing seemed obviously out of place in the living room, something kept nagging at David just beneath the conscious thought, telling him that all was not as it seemed.
Stirred by the passage of David’s restless pacing, the mobiles moved. A shimmer of gold caught his eye. He turned and walked closer. An instant later he recognized the tiny braided ring he had last seen nestled against Orlando’s chest. David’s breath stopped as his heart contracted in his chest.
I wear Savannah’s ring to remind myself that love is never wasted, never futile.
Shards of past conversations sliced through him, making him bleed with a pain he had vowed never to feel.
Orlando’s softly accented voice, so filled with surety of his emotions and his own cynical rebuttals, guaranteed to drive pain through his young virginal lover.
”I love you David.”
“That’s what I was afraid you were telling yourself. Fairy Tales. You can’t accept that all there is between us is sex. Pure and simple and hot as hell.”
With great care David freed the delicate ring from the mobile.
His finger’s trembled as he lifted the delicate golden ring to his lips, kissing it gently, his tears trickling unbidden down his cheeks as snippets of their first joining cut through him, his shoulders heaving with his sorrow as he relived every touch and every word inside his head..
”I’m worlds too hard for you but I want you until my hands shake”.
“Now I know what life tastes like.”
Orlando’s fingertips brushing him, his husky voice whispering, words burning into his soul and the tiny ring gleaming as light caressed the intertwined strands of gold.
”I’m not offering you love and happily ever after. I can’t be what you want me to be.”
Brown eyes luminous, alive with all the joy of life, watching him, loving him.
Orlando had known from the very start. He had known that David was going to hurt him, pain him beyond physical or emotional redemption and yet he had leapt into their relationship with an open heart and an open mind. He gave of himself body and soul without reservation and all David could give him was pain.
”Love is never wasted. Never. But it can hurt like nothing else on earth.”
“I would sell my soul not to want you.”
“Fairy tale boy, all laughter and golden light.”
But no longer.
David had stripped Orlando of his laughter as surely as he had stripped him of his innocence. Orlando had loved him; but he had denied that love was possible. He had left Orlando without a word of hope … and now Orlando no longer wore the tiny gold ring.
Orlando hadn’t been able to teach him to believe in love, but David had been able to teach Orlando how to believe in despair.
David made the low sound of a man who had just taken a fatal blow. He hadn’t meant to destroy anything at all, much less something as rare and beautiful as Orlando. Yet he had destroyed just the same, just as he had feared. The proof was laying in his hands, a dead child’s ring and a living man’s endless loss.
For a long time David stood motionless, staring into space, seeing nothing, not Dominic watching helplessly from the kitchen doorway, not even his own tears, not noticing when he fell to his knees in the middle of the room, his body shaking with his soul-wracking sobs.
Chapter 32