*Sigh*
The person I studied for the GAMSAT with today found out she got into med school at the University of Notre Dame. Our scores were similar, but instead of deciding to pay the 100$ "interview fee", I decided they weren't good enough to get me into the course and went on to start my Ph.D.
I'm extremely happy for her. As in, when I say extremely happy I mean I'm over the moon for her. We both set out on this journey together and I told her that one of us would be getting in (without casting a vote on who). It just makes me sad to know that I may have had a chance as well. Instead I'm playing pseudo-medico, researching the immune system and interactions and how they fuck with our heads. Sure, it's important but I can't do research my entire life. I need a practical application where I actually get to interact with people which was one of the reasons I wanted to get into psych 4th year (thereby getting my APS membership and the possibility of going on to do clinical psych, but with a neuroscience background. Pretty unheard of). Instead it seems I'll do my Ph.D and either go into academia / research or the private sector. I would have been a great medical doctor. I really would have. I'll just have to try to be a great Ph.D doctor and if when I finish I still feel so cut up about not going into med, I can try. I just don't want to spend the rest of my life at school.
I understand that I'm still young, but seriously, how long can that last? I'm early 30. When I finish my Ph.D I'll be 31 / 32. If I go into med, by the time I'd finish I'd be 36. Then 2 years intern, 38. Meaning I would have spent most of my life (most of OUR life) on a student budget, not giving Em what she may want (what I'm guessing we both want, which is a house to call our own) until I'm nearly 40. Then what? Work for 25 years and retire? 35 years worth of education (not including specialisation) only to use it for 25 of them?! That sounds completely ridiculous. But then again, in those 25 years how may people could I help?
But I won't. And it's paining me to say it. I'll continue down the path I'm going. I'll get my doctorate, go and get a good job and make something of myself. It just isn't the thing that I wanted to.
Regardless, I'm so incredibly proud of my study partner. She deserves this and I wish her all the very best.
I'm extremely happy for her. As in, when I say extremely happy I mean I'm over the moon for her. We both set out on this journey together and I told her that one of us would be getting in (without casting a vote on who). It just makes me sad to know that I may have had a chance as well. Instead I'm playing pseudo-medico, researching the immune system and interactions and how they fuck with our heads. Sure, it's important but I can't do research my entire life. I need a practical application where I actually get to interact with people which was one of the reasons I wanted to get into psych 4th year (thereby getting my APS membership and the possibility of going on to do clinical psych, but with a neuroscience background. Pretty unheard of). Instead it seems I'll do my Ph.D and either go into academia / research or the private sector. I would have been a great medical doctor. I really would have. I'll just have to try to be a great Ph.D doctor and if when I finish I still feel so cut up about not going into med, I can try. I just don't want to spend the rest of my life at school.
I understand that I'm still young, but seriously, how long can that last? I'm early 30. When I finish my Ph.D I'll be 31 / 32. If I go into med, by the time I'd finish I'd be 36. Then 2 years intern, 38. Meaning I would have spent most of my life (most of OUR life) on a student budget, not giving Em what she may want (what I'm guessing we both want, which is a house to call our own) until I'm nearly 40. Then what? Work for 25 years and retire? 35 years worth of education (not including specialisation) only to use it for 25 of them?! That sounds completely ridiculous. But then again, in those 25 years how may people could I help?
But I won't. And it's paining me to say it. I'll continue down the path I'm going. I'll get my doctorate, go and get a good job and make something of myself. It just isn't the thing that I wanted to.
Regardless, I'm so incredibly proud of my study partner. She deserves this and I wish her all the very best.