a room mate named Blaislie.
life as i know it is disappearing.
slowly and then rapidly.
more on the fast track now.
i havent had a decent sleep in a month and one day.
i take that back, the night before thanksgiving i slept five solid hours.
this system is wrong.
they can screw your credit up.
but you can't legally do something about it for thirty days.
i feel so low.
which makes me furious because i am not doing anything wrong.
these people were my friends.
or so i thought.
i keep telling myself these people were never my friends.
people that are your friends do not fuck you over and have no Consciousness about it.
how can she be like that?
maybe she is a con artist.
and i am so tired of thinking about it
i deliberately do/ think of something else
but no matter what my subconsciousness never let's it go.
yesterday i ate chinese food with lesean
my vision was so fuzzy.. everything felt "cloudy"
couldn't think straight
i studdered
my pulse felt like it was about to rip through my skin.
i even put leseans hand against my neck to see if it was just me.
he felt it.
then told me to relax don't think about it.
but the thing was I didn't know I was thinking about it.
I was having a completely different conversation.
that is what has been happening for a month now.
and now it's not every once in awhile, it's constant.
her mother called me yesterday concerned about her.
"i don't want the responsibility of finding her another place to live in 24 hrs"
"she's trying to get her things straight and just starts a job monday"
that's nice.
she's been "getting things straight" for five months now
and my expense.
and i just can't keep doing this.
i have a solution.
the 15th it will be better.
but for some reason i don't think it all will be resolved.
and maybe that's what is most difficult.
this problem that is not mine.
is becoming an infectious, suckling, tick.
that will be with me for the next seven years.
and she has no.......CLUE........ about it. or maybe she does.
and just doesn't give a fuck about it.
i wish i could just crawl in a hole.
and never have to see or deal with her ever again.
slowly and then rapidly.
more on the fast track now.
i havent had a decent sleep in a month and one day.
i take that back, the night before thanksgiving i slept five solid hours.
this system is wrong.
they can screw your credit up.
but you can't legally do something about it for thirty days.
i feel so low.
which makes me furious because i am not doing anything wrong.
these people were my friends.
or so i thought.
i keep telling myself these people were never my friends.
people that are your friends do not fuck you over and have no Consciousness about it.
how can she be like that?
maybe she is a con artist.
and i am so tired of thinking about it
i deliberately do/ think of something else
but no matter what my subconsciousness never let's it go.
yesterday i ate chinese food with lesean
my vision was so fuzzy.. everything felt "cloudy"
couldn't think straight
i studdered
my pulse felt like it was about to rip through my skin.
i even put leseans hand against my neck to see if it was just me.
he felt it.
then told me to relax don't think about it.
but the thing was I didn't know I was thinking about it.
I was having a completely different conversation.
that is what has been happening for a month now.
and now it's not every once in awhile, it's constant.
her mother called me yesterday concerned about her.
"i don't want the responsibility of finding her another place to live in 24 hrs"
"she's trying to get her things straight and just starts a job monday"
that's nice.
she's been "getting things straight" for five months now
and my expense.
and i just can't keep doing this.
i have a solution.
the 15th it will be better.
but for some reason i don't think it all will be resolved.
and maybe that's what is most difficult.
this problem that is not mine.
is becoming an infectious, suckling, tick.
that will be with me for the next seven years.
and she has no.......CLUE........ about it. or maybe she does.
and just doesn't give a fuck about it.
i wish i could just crawl in a hole.
and never have to see or deal with her ever again.