I hate this issue, but here we go again.
LOL I guess people DO still read my journal. Hello stalkers of my life! I just found out that my former friends were annoyed at me for some reason... and here I was thinking I was the one annoyed by them! Honestly I just want to move on and make new friends. I don’t feel like I’ve been real friends with them anyway. They knew my secrets, but did I know theirs? No. Not by a long-shot. They knew each others’ secrets. Was I always invited in things? Sure, at first. After that, there were things like my quitting my job and saving for the future that became a really big hassle to having a P200 cup of coffee, so eventually, the invites stopped coming altogether. Plus there’s the thing of us growing out of each other too. I doubt they like me now that I know they’re annoyed at me. It’s not really that I have bitterness while writing this, it’s just that I don’t like people who don’t like me either.
I think I know now the feeling of having an ex... not a boyfriend, but just a friend. You want the best for them, you want to move on, you think that you’ve grown apart, but you don’t want to see them anymore too, because it kind of hurts. It does hurt, thinking that they’ve been your friends but realizing that it’s just “the more the merrier” thing that’s going on. Maybe I’ve been a small part of their lives, but it’s just that... a SMALL tiny eensy-weensy meagre part. I’m not important in their lives, so I won’t make them important in mine. Simple as that.
It’s not like I’ve decided this just now you know, whoever stalker is reading this... I’ve felt this way years ago. I was out of the loop all the time. I don’t want to make myself suffer the awkwardness I’ve always felt with them, so I’m leaving... emotionally. I’m not bitter or mad. I was annoyed and confused for the longest time. Now I’m just freeing myself. I really didn’t want to do this because I’ve done this before, and it does hurt... but how do you fix something if there wasn’t even anything there in the first place?
So to those who have been my friends, Go ahead and be annoyed with me. Be angry. Be mad. I don’t even know why you’d waste energy, but if it helps you let go of me, go ahead.