Hell Has Slapped Me in the Face

[orangesprinkles]

Wow, what a week. I'm surely being tested with the second biggest test of my life. I just barely passed the first, hopefully I will do much better this time. I just want to curl into a little ball, cry, and give up. In fact, I did curl up in a little ball and cry earlier. Today has just been one thing after another, well, all week has been one thing after another, and then my dad just had to make a stupid pissy comment to me, and that just set me off crying, again. I just feel like such a stupid loser. I have no more friends, and Mike just had to remind me of that by going off to a party, but not before he made me feel like shit. He didn't mean to do it, but he did it. And he also made me feel no longer welcome at his house, when he said he would always be my friend, and always be there for me when I needed anything. Well, he sure bailed when I need him the most. Oh well. He just reinforces the fact why I never held any faith in anything. I always become very dissapointed when I have faith in something. I'm trying very hard to keep my re-newed faith in God, but it's very hard when all life is dealing you is shit, and no matter how much you pray or try to put your faith in God, shit just keeps happening. Shit upon shit upon shit. Like I told my mom earlier, all I need is to crash my car, lose my job and get kicked out of the house, and my misery will be complete. Nothing missing from that puzzle. I was starting to become really sure that Mike and I just being friends was a good idea, but now I'm not so sure we're even going to be friends. He's just feeling funny, I can tell. He's not really acting funny, but I can tell he feels weird having me around. Maybe he just should have told me I shouldn't come over. That would have been much easier than me coming over and us having an issue like we just did earlier. I still believe that we're meant for each other, even though all this crap is going on. The beginning of our relationship was just too perfect, we had to go through problems sometime. Plus, I've been there done all that, and he has only had four girlfriends before me, he needs to see what else is out there in the world. I already have, and I want no part of it. I'm sick of playing that game. It's like a long game of monopoly where you keep landing on someone else's park place, and all you own is the stupid light blue squares near start.

Fuck this game, I don't wanna play anymore, I suck at it! *Insert swooshing the board off the table and letting the pieces and money fly while the board hits the wall with a card-boardy thud*

...End Transmission...