Hmm.
Well, my best friend has gone away, far away, to the college that I know she'll fall desperately in love with. I miss her already, so very very much. I feel like a piece of me is missing without her around, and it's taking a toll on me to varying degrees.
I know she's going to have a ton of fun, and I know she'll be back before too long, but somehow I can't help the feeling that I'll never see her again. Sucky feeling, let me tell you. It's not nearly as easy to see the big picture and know everything's going to work out without her close. Don't really know why, except that I love her very much. Maybe too much. Personally I don't believe there's such a thing, but sometimes it happens.
A lot of nostalgia's been hitting, but not the good kind. Memories of how I was two years ago, or a year ago. Snivelling, problem-ridden, unable to do anything but whine and ask for help. It's threatened to overwhelm me a few times today and yesterday, but I've chased it away with some serious effort.
My mom's visiting home for something like 8 hours a day this weekend, and next weekend she may stay the night. After not having her at home for so long, I feel like she's out of place, and I don't have much to say to her, I find myself not really wanting to be around her. It's a craptacular feeling. I owe so much of who I am to her, but she's always been the one to criticize and never let me think too highly of anything I've done, always demanding more, saying I cheat myself when I'm not putting 150% of what everyone else does into anything.
So a bunch of old bad feelings are resurfacing, and it makes sense...winter's the time of year that always has me worse off than the rest, and last fall I moved away and couldn't handle the change. This year, I'm still at home, but with a mother who I feel I barely know, and with nearly all my friends gone, my best and closest of which is the farthest away.
Yikes! It's going to come down to a day by day thing again, making sure I don't let the stress get to me. It's going to be hard, too. I miss her so much already, I hope I can make it until she comes back.
Blah. That's my mood, is there a slot for that?
Oh my god there is!!!!!
I know she's going to have a ton of fun, and I know she'll be back before too long, but somehow I can't help the feeling that I'll never see her again. Sucky feeling, let me tell you. It's not nearly as easy to see the big picture and know everything's going to work out without her close. Don't really know why, except that I love her very much. Maybe too much. Personally I don't believe there's such a thing, but sometimes it happens.
A lot of nostalgia's been hitting, but not the good kind. Memories of how I was two years ago, or a year ago. Snivelling, problem-ridden, unable to do anything but whine and ask for help. It's threatened to overwhelm me a few times today and yesterday, but I've chased it away with some serious effort.
My mom's visiting home for something like 8 hours a day this weekend, and next weekend she may stay the night. After not having her at home for so long, I feel like she's out of place, and I don't have much to say to her, I find myself not really wanting to be around her. It's a craptacular feeling. I owe so much of who I am to her, but she's always been the one to criticize and never let me think too highly of anything I've done, always demanding more, saying I cheat myself when I'm not putting 150% of what everyone else does into anything.
So a bunch of old bad feelings are resurfacing, and it makes sense...winter's the time of year that always has me worse off than the rest, and last fall I moved away and couldn't handle the change. This year, I'm still at home, but with a mother who I feel I barely know, and with nearly all my friends gone, my best and closest of which is the farthest away.
Yikes! It's going to come down to a day by day thing again, making sure I don't let the stress get to me. It's going to be hard, too. I miss her so much already, I hope I can make it until she comes back.
Blah. That's my mood, is there a slot for that?
Oh my god there is!!!!!