03. Condemn me to live, Condemn me to lie. Inside?--I am dead..
. . .Its been almost two weeks? Maybe. I am not sure of time--oh wait. Guess it has been perhaps.
I have kept myself away from everyone. I've seen the posts, listen to the footsteps down the hall. The knocks at the door and locked it so no one can come in. Even went so far as to drape a sheet over the window to my bedroom.
Why? I have my reason...
That night was real. TOO real for words. In the end, the actions and judgment that was made AGAINST my will!? It made it sick. It STILL makes me sick. ALL of this is just fucking sick. So Sick? that the Joker is damn sane compared to it all. Right now? I'd rather talk to him then my so called 'family'.
Yeah, talk about sick huh? I don't belong here. I am useless here. Everyone else can do what they've done before but I cannot. I FEEL like I was years ago when first placed into this chair--this personal MESS!
..Part of me wants to walk again. Another one doesn't just want to be healed. I want--almost want the Virus un-dormant again. Bet there is a way. To just Co-exist. I miss talking to Computers has I could before.
Everyone has formed bonds. I really haven't. More or less, I bring more disappointment. Why? I finally interject and the OTHERS feel left out and leave. Like end of the moment...
How that happened. The Death? Too easy. And besides--If certain people have a chance at something? Something they really deserve this time? Then I'd rather leave this place and go back home. Where I can make a difference and not be a burden or have others make such decisions of stupid Martyr-ism over certain situations cause I couldn't do anything! To have me walk that one moment? Was a HORRID Taste that I never want to just taste again. Next time? I want it permanent!
In the End. I hate this place. Hate everything in it--can't reconnect to really anyone. Maybe this place had make me sick in the head--but at least in Arkham? There's a way out and some type of social latter among the inmates then this damned place. In that place--they are still just human...
I have kept myself away from everyone. I've seen the posts, listen to the footsteps down the hall. The knocks at the door and locked it so no one can come in. Even went so far as to drape a sheet over the window to my bedroom.
Why? I have my reason...
That night was real. TOO real for words. In the end, the actions and judgment that was made AGAINST my will!? It made it sick. It STILL makes me sick. ALL of this is just fucking sick. So Sick? that the Joker is damn sane compared to it all. Right now? I'd rather talk to him then my so called 'family'.
Yeah, talk about sick huh? I don't belong here. I am useless here. Everyone else can do what they've done before but I cannot. I FEEL like I was years ago when first placed into this chair--this personal MESS!
..Part of me wants to walk again. Another one doesn't just want to be healed. I want--almost want the Virus un-dormant again. Bet there is a way. To just Co-exist. I miss talking to Computers has I could before.
Everyone has formed bonds. I really haven't. More or less, I bring more disappointment. Why? I finally interject and the OTHERS feel left out and leave. Like end of the moment...
How that happened. The Death? Too easy. And besides--If certain people have a chance at something? Something they really deserve this time? Then I'd rather leave this place and go back home. Where I can make a difference and not be a burden or have others make such decisions of stupid Martyr-ism over certain situations cause I couldn't do anything! To have me walk that one moment? Was a HORRID Taste that I never want to just taste again. Next time? I want it permanent!
In the End. I hate this place. Hate everything in it--can't reconnect to really anyone. Maybe this place had make me sick in the head--but at least in Arkham? There's a way out and some type of social latter among the inmates then this damned place. In that place--they are still just human...