Yes! Er...
Saying "no" is not something most people are proud of, but I am.
Somebody called me while I was in Colorado last week to ask me to chair a committee. I am busy at work, still getting a handle on this State Bar thing, desperately need to clean my house, grappling with a loss of funding for a project that I care deeply about, don't see or talk to my friends enough, and am working on making my marriage better. The chair of the event under which this committee falls is one of the three or so lawyers in Austin that I actively dislike. And yet, I still considered saying yes.
For a week.
I talked to people. Explored the options. Got more information about how the committee had been run in the past. Considered possible co-chairs. Even asked my first choice to do it with me. Thankfully, she is a good friend, and said, "You're crazy."
And she was right. I WAS crazy. Why, with all that I have going on, did I consider saying yes?
Because I have this complex that I have to save the world. I have to take care of everybody, and please them all in the process. I can't let anybody down. I must always take care of others before thinking about my own needs.
While that last paragraph is clearly ludicrous, there is a part of me deep down that truly believes that. My family sent me those messages from a very early age. Traditional Chinese culture is all about that. Never accept a gift without objecting strenuously, sometimes four or five times. If somebody pays you a compliment, you must deny its truth. Never take the last piece of food. If somebody needs help, you are obligated to come to their aid. Anticipate and meet everyone else's needs, never your own.
Thanks to therapy and the help of some very good friends, I have learned over the years that this simply doesn't work. If I don't take care of myself, I get stressed out and resentful, and nobody wins. Sometimes I find myself back in the old mindset. But not this time.
So, today I called up the person who asked me to chair the committee and said, "No." I called another friend who is working on the project and who had begged me to accept the position and said, "No." It felt good. And, miracle of miracles, neither of them was angry or upset. They completely understood. They still liked me.
So thanks, laurielite, for knocking some sense into me. It felt good. And yay for no!