FIX ME and GIVE ME THE ANTIVIRUS
any happyness in time will turn to sorrow.. its the way it must be.
im just so fuckin sick and tired of feeling like i'm trapped, and having everything i want right in front of me, but being held back by my skin thats suppossed to be there to protect me.
i'm tired of working and going to school even though i slack as much as i can, i'm just so fed up with doing shit over and over and over again, like a cd on skip life rewinding over and over, and i think its pretty much impossible to get rid of these bullshit feelings, even if i had everything in the world i think i'd get tired of it,
who the hell wants to live forever in this mess? i sure as hell dont, side note if i die young, theres no use being upset or crying or any drama like that, that's just what life's about, i'd consider myself lucky if it happened like that....
its just one thing right after the next.. i'm fed up with every single fuckin bitchy person who wants me to do every single damn thing for them, i'm tired of feeling like babysitting is my job.. cause its certainly not..
sick of having to cover for people, buy people shit, waste my money and time running around taking care of people who probably shouldn't even be around...
trying to give someone something they dont want or can't see they need i'm learning is just a complete waste of my time and effort, everything that's happened happens for a reason, and really truthfully i dont think even if i wanted to i could change it, them, or myself, i think this is just how it works.. or maybe feeling helpless is just what one thrives for, makes life worth living.. but its not worth shit if you're just fighting to live and living to fight.
i wish i could find someone to be happy with, even temporarily.. im sick of not understand anything anymore, everythings so complex now, like walking on eggshells.. i wish that instead of being played by the world i could reverse it and get a few hits in..
it'd be cool if everyone i met was themselves, not some fake person with a hidden agenda.. the more people i meet the more disturbed i become.. the more im disgusted with being a person.. and i know this is all really strange shit im talking i know. but it's all been building up in side and it's gonna have to go somewhere.
some people have always told me through out my life that whenever i get down or confused or dont know what to do, look up to heaven, search the scripture and finding what i'm looking for will come in time..
what scares me the most is when i dont think i can get anything good out of anything anymore even the bible, it all just makes me think even more shit and pisses me off even more.. because whats there hasn't come around to me yet..
i should also make a note, that relationships are a pointless venture, that can only end in dissapointment.. too bad i can't just turn it off.. even if i had all the love in the world for this one girl, i don't think it would matter, it would just be a fling, and nothing else, i shouldn't have thought anymore of it to begin with, but the trouble with that is when do i know when to have that defense mechanism on or off.. i'm sure in the past ive had it on and ruined alot of what could've been good things...
and im sorry for writing this sorry to myself mostly, for thinking about things i can not change.. leaving everything to chance is what's meant to be so fuck it..
FTW LIB
im just so fuckin sick and tired of feeling like i'm trapped, and having everything i want right in front of me, but being held back by my skin thats suppossed to be there to protect me.
i'm tired of working and going to school even though i slack as much as i can, i'm just so fed up with doing shit over and over and over again, like a cd on skip life rewinding over and over, and i think its pretty much impossible to get rid of these bullshit feelings, even if i had everything in the world i think i'd get tired of it,
who the hell wants to live forever in this mess? i sure as hell dont, side note if i die young, theres no use being upset or crying or any drama like that, that's just what life's about, i'd consider myself lucky if it happened like that....
its just one thing right after the next.. i'm fed up with every single fuckin bitchy person who wants me to do every single damn thing for them, i'm tired of feeling like babysitting is my job.. cause its certainly not..
sick of having to cover for people, buy people shit, waste my money and time running around taking care of people who probably shouldn't even be around...
trying to give someone something they dont want or can't see they need i'm learning is just a complete waste of my time and effort, everything that's happened happens for a reason, and really truthfully i dont think even if i wanted to i could change it, them, or myself, i think this is just how it works.. or maybe feeling helpless is just what one thrives for, makes life worth living.. but its not worth shit if you're just fighting to live and living to fight.
i wish i could find someone to be happy with, even temporarily.. im sick of not understand anything anymore, everythings so complex now, like walking on eggshells.. i wish that instead of being played by the world i could reverse it and get a few hits in..
it'd be cool if everyone i met was themselves, not some fake person with a hidden agenda.. the more people i meet the more disturbed i become.. the more im disgusted with being a person.. and i know this is all really strange shit im talking i know. but it's all been building up in side and it's gonna have to go somewhere.
some people have always told me through out my life that whenever i get down or confused or dont know what to do, look up to heaven, search the scripture and finding what i'm looking for will come in time..
what scares me the most is when i dont think i can get anything good out of anything anymore even the bible, it all just makes me think even more shit and pisses me off even more.. because whats there hasn't come around to me yet..
i should also make a note, that relationships are a pointless venture, that can only end in dissapointment.. too bad i can't just turn it off.. even if i had all the love in the world for this one girl, i don't think it would matter, it would just be a fling, and nothing else, i shouldn't have thought anymore of it to begin with, but the trouble with that is when do i know when to have that defense mechanism on or off.. i'm sure in the past ive had it on and ruined alot of what could've been good things...
and im sorry for writing this sorry to myself mostly, for thinking about things i can not change.. leaving everything to chance is what's meant to be so fuck it..
FTW LIB