(no subject)
Yesterday I spent over 14 hours at work!
We hosted a memorial for Paul Newman (the real one!) after hours and the turn out was great.
Sometimes I get really negative and down and hateful but this past week, since his death, I've been feeling closer to the people I have gotten to know around here. I feel at peace and super happy and excited to live every moment for me and my heart. I don't known where else this kind of motley-crue-family could exist (to put it in Anna's words), and I'm lucky to have stumbled upon it all and gain acceptance from the lot. Even if I feel loathsome from time to time.
So much time has passed since living along the river. Time is different here. The people are different; the air is different. Maybe it's all the abandoned mercury mines in the area. Or maybe it's an inherent magical quality inlaid within the trees of any dense forest. One day I hope I can retain in my memory the wonder of everyday life here enough to sit down and write a book about it. The characters I deal with directly on a daily basis are enough to fill volumes.
I deal largely with men, mainly older men. It's resulted in a few odd situations, as I'm still young and learning about the concept of "impulse control" through my experiences with my lack thereof. That coupled with my daddy issues... I've dated a few of them and become friends with others. Overall, it's just nice to be in a position of being the girl who sees them when they first wake up, serves them their coffee fix, and sends them off to work in the big world. It's like being a mom or a wife without actually having to be one. It's a great feeling when you can make someone's day start off with good feeling and not have to be involved with them.
I've learned so much being in this place - and keep learning new things everyday. Above all, the focus has been on my interpersonal skills, development of intimacy, and my tendency to place judgement on myself and eventually, because of this, on others. I'm learning how to become the person I am meant to be; the person I can be proud to express from inward to my outer reality.
Something I've learned recently is to be romantic with myself. Date myself before I let others get in or push my way into someone else's world. I'm getting a lot of practice with this. You can't expect others to do for you what you need to first do for yourself.
Thoughts for the day before the sun finishes rising.
It feels good to crawl back in here.
We hosted a memorial for Paul Newman (the real one!) after hours and the turn out was great.
Sometimes I get really negative and down and hateful but this past week, since his death, I've been feeling closer to the people I have gotten to know around here. I feel at peace and super happy and excited to live every moment for me and my heart. I don't known where else this kind of motley-crue-family could exist (to put it in Anna's words), and I'm lucky to have stumbled upon it all and gain acceptance from the lot. Even if I feel loathsome from time to time.
So much time has passed since living along the river. Time is different here. The people are different; the air is different. Maybe it's all the abandoned mercury mines in the area. Or maybe it's an inherent magical quality inlaid within the trees of any dense forest. One day I hope I can retain in my memory the wonder of everyday life here enough to sit down and write a book about it. The characters I deal with directly on a daily basis are enough to fill volumes.
I deal largely with men, mainly older men. It's resulted in a few odd situations, as I'm still young and learning about the concept of "impulse control" through my experiences with my lack thereof. That coupled with my daddy issues... I've dated a few of them and become friends with others. Overall, it's just nice to be in a position of being the girl who sees them when they first wake up, serves them their coffee fix, and sends them off to work in the big world. It's like being a mom or a wife without actually having to be one. It's a great feeling when you can make someone's day start off with good feeling and not have to be involved with them.
I've learned so much being in this place - and keep learning new things everyday. Above all, the focus has been on my interpersonal skills, development of intimacy, and my tendency to place judgement on myself and eventually, because of this, on others. I'm learning how to become the person I am meant to be; the person I can be proud to express from inward to my outer reality.
Something I've learned recently is to be romantic with myself. Date myself before I let others get in or push my way into someone else's world. I'm getting a lot of practice with this. You can't expect others to do for you what you need to first do for yourself.
Thoughts for the day before the sun finishes rising.
It feels good to crawl back in here.