Dammit Part One
Well, this post is 2 weeks overdue. To be honest, I don't really want to make it. However, this page is for *my* memories, musings, etc. I'll look back on this post as I do all others and remember and learn.
Two weeks ago my heart was broken. When it happened it came as a total shock to me, because I was in denial about being in love in the first place. The idea of me being so emotionally invested in something that was obviously doomed and not requited was absolutely insane, and I realized it even then. However, apparently strong emotion can rob you of the ability to think straight. What led to me falling so hard? In 28 years of life, I can honestly say there are possibly two people in the past that I've loved, but those times were different. In each of those cases it was a slow buildup of appreciation and affection that matured into love. This was different - it was like someone ran up behind me and whacked me upside the head with the Stupid Stick. Anyone that knows me well knows how reserved I am emotionally. Its been a recurring problem in my relationships. I'm never as into the other person as they are into me. As always, the relationship would die away as the other person realizes that I won't commit, and that I'm just not on fire for them. Man, I had no clue what I was doing to them. Well man, was I on fire this time. Maybe its because I had just come off from a long relationship (Carmen). Maybe its because I was afraid of losing sight of my dreams and becoming just another retail manager. Maybe it was a combination of things/ But along came a girl that seemed like exactly what I've been looking for in a girl- sweet, funny, caring, full of life, beautiful, just...bloody perfect. We immediately started spending every. single. minute together. For a little over a month we were inseparable. We were having a riot just being around each other and dorking out to our own qwirky interests. We both shared an obsession with Asian culture, although different facets of it. We had similar dreams and goals (freakishly so), and such a similar sense of humor. Unfortunately, we also decided that we'd spend every moment completely drunk. Right before we started dating we had both exited long relationships, and had taken to bouts of drinking alone. <>
Two weeks ago my heart was broken. When it happened it came as a total shock to me, because I was in denial about being in love in the first place. The idea of me being so emotionally invested in something that was obviously doomed and not requited was absolutely insane, and I realized it even then. However, apparently strong emotion can rob you of the ability to think straight. What led to me falling so hard? In 28 years of life, I can honestly say there are possibly two people in the past that I've loved, but those times were different. In each of those cases it was a slow buildup of appreciation and affection that matured into love. This was different - it was like someone ran up behind me and whacked me upside the head with the Stupid Stick. Anyone that knows me well knows how reserved I am emotionally. Its been a recurring problem in my relationships. I'm never as into the other person as they are into me. As always, the relationship would die away as the other person realizes that I won't commit, and that I'm just not on fire for them. Man, I had no clue what I was doing to them. Well man, was I on fire this time. Maybe its because I had just come off from a long relationship (Carmen). Maybe its because I was afraid of losing sight of my dreams and becoming just another retail manager. Maybe it was a combination of things/ But along came a girl that seemed like exactly what I've been looking for in a girl- sweet, funny, caring, full of life, beautiful, just...bloody perfect. We immediately started spending every. single. minute together. For a little over a month we were inseparable. We were having a riot just being around each other and dorking out to our own qwirky interests. We both shared an obsession with Asian culture, although different facets of it. We had similar dreams and goals (freakishly so), and such a similar sense of humor. Unfortunately, we also decided that we'd spend every moment completely drunk. Right before we started dating we had both exited long relationships, and had taken to bouts of drinking alone. <>