(no subject)
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
ok im done...for now.
my past couple of days were really ugly in a lot of ways. i woke up at my brothers house today and after killing potential "happenings" inside of me yesterday i felt disgusting. i still do I just want to sleep, i just wanted to sleep but for some reason i stayed up and watched television until my eyes caved in on themselves. to be honest it was only about 1:30 or so that i went to sleep. i didn't want to think about the doctor anymore, or the fact that she made me take all my clothes off and then at the end asked me if i wanted counseling. why would i need counseling to deal with something that is the way that i deal...paradox... (and they're really nothing, old and small)
my english teacher was tearing apart people's presentations today. he was being ugly towards those girls. just because they chose dumbass topics like generalizations about poverty, anorexia and fat girls, and...i can't remember what the other girl did...oh it was something about the lack of inner city resources about political education or something. that one seemed ok while i was reading her precis paper but then she got up there and chewed her gum and said um 2132341245245 times a minute and had no idea what she was arguing. it's ok it's not her fault, im sure she could win some sort of guiness world record or something for chews and ums a minute after she fails outta college...man now im being ugly...now i see why he was being such a dick...
i sat in the back of the room with my hood up and no makeup on. well i had makeup from last night still on (technically) since i woke up at noon and need to catch the train that came one minute from then in order to make it to lincoln park from forest park by 1:10. that is another way this day was ugly. the cute puerto rican that did the poverty one kept talking to me though. i hate when pretty girls talk to me when i look like shit. those days were getting fewer and fewer, today i just couldn't help it. i didn't care.
i cried over a boy this weekend too. i thought that wouldn't happen again for a while. i realized it was ok since we're only friends. couple of hours after telling me not to call him anymore since his ex was fucking with his head, he ended up calling me and we talked for like a half an hour before he ended up coming over to jess' moms house where i was not feeling emotionally well but i was on the couch with jess and andrew, which was cuddley. (oh dru made me feel cool earlier, walked up from behind at stampers and gave me a from-the-back-hug, very personal after not talking to him in 5 or so months) anyway he ended up coming over and was supposedly "acting" really fuckin drunk but he did smell of tequila and he was falling all over the place. i thought it was cute that he asked andrew for a back massage. dru gave him a really weird almost bashful look and said "you know damn well erica gives awesome fuckin massages, go with her, go to sleep" i wasn't really looking forward to that at first, i figured touching him and making him feel heavenly (i am that good) whenever's he's that drunk, wasn't a good idea but on the other hand, we pinky swore we were just friends right. wrong...twice...we even got caught the first time. i didn't want to but then i really wanted to taste him one last time before i gave him his space. i couldn't stop him. i will next time, if there is a next time he makes me pinky swear then breaks it. oh and last night from 3 to 5am, he called me and left three messages and hung up three times. just friends...
monday night well tuesday morning was beautiful...i think the only beautiful part of my weekend. i think it had something to do with my company til 2am. me and miss megan watched roseanne and sex in the city in her comfy waterbed. i hope that happens more often... then i walked around aurora til 7 in the morning cause i couldn't sleep, woke up at 9 for that horrific doctor appointment. i walked to javier's to get my sun glasses, it was kinda awkward cause i think he wanted me to stay even though he was sleepin. just friends...
i saw booby cups this weekend too. that was cool. we went to the sony store, i think that's his favorite hang out, he's such a dork. i always get soo ...alternated...whenever we hang out, im surprised i could walk in the hot hot sun for so long. i realized that im still extremely comfortable with him, he's a good friend to have. i dont know why he asks me for foot rubs though. he's got a girl that should be doing that. it's not my job anymore. haha i never noticed his gentleman qualities while we were dating, ie holding the door open, paying for eatery, i guess it just gets masked by his farting and boyish qualities. he really wants to take care of her. i guess they're finally moving in together and she is scared to depend upon him and his bank account. i understand that. hell i think me and her were still friends whenever he would scream and yell at me for owing him money after the breakup. but i dont think he would do that to her. plus those are risks that people have to take when moving in together especially as a couple. he mentioned something about her not wanting to have to ask him for money to get something to drink. i told him to keep the fridge stocked then.
well i think im done... wish me luck on finals coming up monday...i should be ok i just wanna be able to curl up and watch mind numbin tv all day though. oh shit but i need to get a job...
ok im done...for now.
my past couple of days were really ugly in a lot of ways. i woke up at my brothers house today and after killing potential "happenings" inside of me yesterday i felt disgusting. i still do I just want to sleep, i just wanted to sleep but for some reason i stayed up and watched television until my eyes caved in on themselves. to be honest it was only about 1:30 or so that i went to sleep. i didn't want to think about the doctor anymore, or the fact that she made me take all my clothes off and then at the end asked me if i wanted counseling. why would i need counseling to deal with something that is the way that i deal...paradox... (and they're really nothing, old and small)
my english teacher was tearing apart people's presentations today. he was being ugly towards those girls. just because they chose dumbass topics like generalizations about poverty, anorexia and fat girls, and...i can't remember what the other girl did...oh it was something about the lack of inner city resources about political education or something. that one seemed ok while i was reading her precis paper but then she got up there and chewed her gum and said um 2132341245245 times a minute and had no idea what she was arguing. it's ok it's not her fault, im sure she could win some sort of guiness world record or something for chews and ums a minute after she fails outta college...man now im being ugly...now i see why he was being such a dick...
i sat in the back of the room with my hood up and no makeup on. well i had makeup from last night still on (technically) since i woke up at noon and need to catch the train that came one minute from then in order to make it to lincoln park from forest park by 1:10. that is another way this day was ugly. the cute puerto rican that did the poverty one kept talking to me though. i hate when pretty girls talk to me when i look like shit. those days were getting fewer and fewer, today i just couldn't help it. i didn't care.
i cried over a boy this weekend too. i thought that wouldn't happen again for a while. i realized it was ok since we're only friends. couple of hours after telling me not to call him anymore since his ex was fucking with his head, he ended up calling me and we talked for like a half an hour before he ended up coming over to jess' moms house where i was not feeling emotionally well but i was on the couch with jess and andrew, which was cuddley. (oh dru made me feel cool earlier, walked up from behind at stampers and gave me a from-the-back-hug, very personal after not talking to him in 5 or so months) anyway he ended up coming over and was supposedly "acting" really fuckin drunk but he did smell of tequila and he was falling all over the place. i thought it was cute that he asked andrew for a back massage. dru gave him a really weird almost bashful look and said "you know damn well erica gives awesome fuckin massages, go with her, go to sleep" i wasn't really looking forward to that at first, i figured touching him and making him feel heavenly (i am that good) whenever's he's that drunk, wasn't a good idea but on the other hand, we pinky swore we were just friends right. wrong...twice...we even got caught the first time. i didn't want to but then i really wanted to taste him one last time before i gave him his space. i couldn't stop him. i will next time, if there is a next time he makes me pinky swear then breaks it. oh and last night from 3 to 5am, he called me and left three messages and hung up three times. just friends...
monday night well tuesday morning was beautiful...i think the only beautiful part of my weekend. i think it had something to do with my company til 2am. me and miss megan watched roseanne and sex in the city in her comfy waterbed. i hope that happens more often... then i walked around aurora til 7 in the morning cause i couldn't sleep, woke up at 9 for that horrific doctor appointment. i walked to javier's to get my sun glasses, it was kinda awkward cause i think he wanted me to stay even though he was sleepin. just friends...
i saw booby cups this weekend too. that was cool. we went to the sony store, i think that's his favorite hang out, he's such a dork. i always get soo ...alternated...whenever we hang out, im surprised i could walk in the hot hot sun for so long. i realized that im still extremely comfortable with him, he's a good friend to have. i dont know why he asks me for foot rubs though. he's got a girl that should be doing that. it's not my job anymore. haha i never noticed his gentleman qualities while we were dating, ie holding the door open, paying for eatery, i guess it just gets masked by his farting and boyish qualities. he really wants to take care of her. i guess they're finally moving in together and she is scared to depend upon him and his bank account. i understand that. hell i think me and her were still friends whenever he would scream and yell at me for owing him money after the breakup. but i dont think he would do that to her. plus those are risks that people have to take when moving in together especially as a couple. he mentioned something about her not wanting to have to ask him for money to get something to drink. i told him to keep the fridge stocked then.
well i think im done... wish me luck on finals coming up monday...i should be ok i just wanna be able to curl up and watch mind numbin tv all day though. oh shit but i need to get a job...