letters and questions
Letter to Someone In Particular:
I'm done. I'm done with you. I'm done with your mind-games. I'm done. This past month without you clouding them have been the best in recent history.
So please, do us both a favor and PLEASE stop talking to me. At least for a few months. You know perfectly well I have no self-control when it comes to answering IMs and texts and random phone calls. I still love you (maybe not in the same way, but I do) and probably always will and you take advantage of that fact. I know you're no good for me. You have this terribly toxic personality that just completely clashes with mine at times and we cause each other too much pain. You were my best friend for so long and I'm sorry I hurt you and said the things I said, but PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE just let me be happy and leave me alone. I'll tell you anything important you need to know at times and I want us to be able to hang out civilly with mutual friends, but please just let me live my own life for once and stay out of my way. That's the only way I can develop better as a person. I feel like I've stunted my emotional growth for five years and it's time I change that.
And as an end note, SCREW YOU AND YOUR CRUMMY CANOE FOR TRYING TO RUIN LEOPARD DAY! Grrrr.
------------------------------------
Okay, I'm better now. Thanks for reading that rant about my morning. *sigh* BUT IT'S LEOPARD RELEASE DAY! Can you tell I'm excited to get home and start installing?!?! Aaaaaiiiiiiieeeee! *girly giggle*
Anyway, I owe Monika some answers to the questions she posted, so here goes:
1. What do you do exactly?
I'm a very angsty graphic designer with a desperate need to make more money. And I'm working on that. Right now, I basically layout pages for catalogs of school furniture and supplies. Other times of the year, I'm mainly a photographer for that catalog. I like what I do, just wish it payed more.
2. What is your fondest memory as a child? Why?
I have a very early memory of wave-jumping with my dad in Hawaii. I just remember being incredibly happy and feeling safe and loved. My mom was on-shore watching us. I knew I was having fun and my dad was, too. That made it a great day.
3. What aspects of your body do you love/flaunt? Why?
I have a love/hate relationship with my breasts. They get me what I want sometimes and I tend to flaunt them in certain situations, but at time I desperately want to have a respectful relationship that isn't based upon that "Hey, look at the big-tittied girl" sort of thing. And I hate them because I sometimes have felt that people wouldn't have dated me otherwise. For instance, I can remember a specific situation about 2.5 years ago. I was sitting at Chili's with the guys (and Ben) and one of the guys JOKINGLY mentioned that I'd be like 15 pounds lighter without those "things on my chest". I laughed because he was just joking, but Ben then said some comment like "No, she'd be about 190 pounds lighter" in reference to the fact he'd leave me if I didn't have them. Everyone laughed. I didn't. He later said he was "just kidding" but he would occasionally make comments like that for the remainder of our relationship -- and I'm not going to pretend they didn't hurt more than anything else he would say. I learned over time that he valued sex over a relationship anyway, but I continued to try to believe he loved me for more than that. And I'm still sometimes doubting that anyone will find *ME* more interesting and valuable that what my genetics apparently "blessed" me with. (Sorry, that was a long answer but I had to explain my reasoning.)
4. Do you prefer Chicago or Milwaukee? Why?
You want me to pick between lovely and happy Milwaukee -- and cranky and mean FIBtopia? Land of FIBs? FIBopolous? Hah, easy. Milwaukee. Do I really need to explain that?
5. You have a pick of cities in which you can reside. Where would you go and why?
Milwaukee. I wouldn't move. I love it here. However, Boston would be a close second followed in third by an English-speaking city abroad such as Dublin. But Milwaukee is perfect in every way for me... lovely summers, cold winters, and happy people. How can you beat that?
I'm done. I'm done with you. I'm done with your mind-games. I'm done. This past month without you clouding them have been the best in recent history.
So please, do us both a favor and PLEASE stop talking to me. At least for a few months. You know perfectly well I have no self-control when it comes to answering IMs and texts and random phone calls. I still love you (maybe not in the same way, but I do) and probably always will and you take advantage of that fact. I know you're no good for me. You have this terribly toxic personality that just completely clashes with mine at times and we cause each other too much pain. You were my best friend for so long and I'm sorry I hurt you and said the things I said, but PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE just let me be happy and leave me alone. I'll tell you anything important you need to know at times and I want us to be able to hang out civilly with mutual friends, but please just let me live my own life for once and stay out of my way. That's the only way I can develop better as a person. I feel like I've stunted my emotional growth for five years and it's time I change that.
And as an end note, SCREW YOU AND YOUR CRUMMY CANOE FOR TRYING TO RUIN LEOPARD DAY! Grrrr.
------------------------------------
Okay, I'm better now. Thanks for reading that rant about my morning. *sigh* BUT IT'S LEOPARD RELEASE DAY! Can you tell I'm excited to get home and start installing?!?! Aaaaaiiiiiiieeeee! *girly giggle*
Anyway, I owe Monika some answers to the questions she posted, so here goes:
1. What do you do exactly?
I'm a very angsty graphic designer with a desperate need to make more money. And I'm working on that. Right now, I basically layout pages for catalogs of school furniture and supplies. Other times of the year, I'm mainly a photographer for that catalog. I like what I do, just wish it payed more.
2. What is your fondest memory as a child? Why?
I have a very early memory of wave-jumping with my dad in Hawaii. I just remember being incredibly happy and feeling safe and loved. My mom was on-shore watching us. I knew I was having fun and my dad was, too. That made it a great day.
3. What aspects of your body do you love/flaunt? Why?
I have a love/hate relationship with my breasts. They get me what I want sometimes and I tend to flaunt them in certain situations, but at time I desperately want to have a respectful relationship that isn't based upon that "Hey, look at the big-tittied girl" sort of thing. And I hate them because I sometimes have felt that people wouldn't have dated me otherwise. For instance, I can remember a specific situation about 2.5 years ago. I was sitting at Chili's with the guys (and Ben) and one of the guys JOKINGLY mentioned that I'd be like 15 pounds lighter without those "things on my chest". I laughed because he was just joking, but Ben then said some comment like "No, she'd be about 190 pounds lighter" in reference to the fact he'd leave me if I didn't have them. Everyone laughed. I didn't. He later said he was "just kidding" but he would occasionally make comments like that for the remainder of our relationship -- and I'm not going to pretend they didn't hurt more than anything else he would say. I learned over time that he valued sex over a relationship anyway, but I continued to try to believe he loved me for more than that. And I'm still sometimes doubting that anyone will find *ME* more interesting and valuable that what my genetics apparently "blessed" me with. (Sorry, that was a long answer but I had to explain my reasoning.)
4. Do you prefer Chicago or Milwaukee? Why?
You want me to pick between lovely and happy Milwaukee -- and cranky and mean FIBtopia? Land of FIBs? FIBopolous? Hah, easy. Milwaukee. Do I really need to explain that?
5. You have a pick of cities in which you can reside. Where would you go and why?
Milwaukee. I wouldn't move. I love it here. However, Boston would be a close second followed in third by an English-speaking city abroad such as Dublin. But Milwaukee is perfect in every way for me... lovely summers, cold winters, and happy people. How can you beat that?