Poop
I went to see my psychiatrist yesterday. We decided to switch up my meds and change my diagnosis. I am now being treated for bi-polar disorder and he's decreasing my trileptal and paxil and putting me on lamictal for the bi-polar stuff and seroquel to help me sleep. No change in the geodon. I'm hoping it will get rid of the highs and lows of my moods. I'm actually hoping that it will eradicate most of my moods altogether like my first psych med did. I'd rather just feel nothing these days. I'm tired of being easily swayed by my moods. Things make me want to cry too easily these days. Anywhoo... I read that it could take three weeks for my lamictal to kick in. I hope it's sooner than that. In the meantime I can't get a job and haven't been able to get a job anyway because of my post-tramatic stress disorder that causes me to explode in anger anytime anyone speaks abusively to me. Plus I never know when I'm going to have a depressive episode that will make me not be able to work. Because of that I'm applying for disability. I already applied once and got rejected and didn't have the time to appeal the decision. I've been told by everyone that everyone gets rejected the first time nomatter what their disability is so you just have to keep appealing until they give it to you. I really need the money too. My boyfriend works 40 hrs a week at $10/hr and we still are finding it hard to keep up with the bills so he's thinking about getting a second job. I honestly don't think we need that and I especially think he doesn't deserve that.
Anyway... I think I'm getting a head cold. I woke up today with my nose stopped up and that weird feeling in my head like you get when you're getting a cold. On top of that I was super groggy because of the seroquel. I kept trying to go back to sleep and kept dreaming that I needed to wake up but I couldn't get my eyes open and couldn't breath properly. That is exactly why I didn't want to use the seroquel again, but with the changes in my meds I can't afford to not take it and lose the sleep.
I'm getting back into my religion again. I'm a proud Buddhist. I've joined the Tibetan Sakya Sangha in Little Rock and I'm really enjoying the practices. Everyone's nice and it's soooooo relaxing. The Sakya Sangha does diety practices and mantras every week and I'm really feeling the Buddha inside me grow and become more prominent. It's just what I've needed recently. I'm told that Lama Yeshe Wangmo is coming in Little Rock soon and she'll be offering refuge and bestowing Dharma names so I'm hoping that I can do that. Taking refuge in the Tripple Jewels is the first step to becoming a real Buddhist. I've already done it privately but I want to make it official with a Lama. Plus I'll get a swanky Dharma name. Woo hoo!
Bah... I'm gonna go do something now. I hope I can remember to write in my journal more often.
Anyway... I think I'm getting a head cold. I woke up today with my nose stopped up and that weird feeling in my head like you get when you're getting a cold. On top of that I was super groggy because of the seroquel. I kept trying to go back to sleep and kept dreaming that I needed to wake up but I couldn't get my eyes open and couldn't breath properly. That is exactly why I didn't want to use the seroquel again, but with the changes in my meds I can't afford to not take it and lose the sleep.
I'm getting back into my religion again. I'm a proud Buddhist. I've joined the Tibetan Sakya Sangha in Little Rock and I'm really enjoying the practices. Everyone's nice and it's soooooo relaxing. The Sakya Sangha does diety practices and mantras every week and I'm really feeling the Buddha inside me grow and become more prominent. It's just what I've needed recently. I'm told that Lama Yeshe Wangmo is coming in Little Rock soon and she'll be offering refuge and bestowing Dharma names so I'm hoping that I can do that. Taking refuge in the Tripple Jewels is the first step to becoming a real Buddhist. I've already done it privately but I want to make it official with a Lama. Plus I'll get a swanky Dharma name. Woo hoo!
Bah... I'm gonna go do something now. I hope I can remember to write in my journal more often.