These Eyes So Green - Chapter 13
Rated NC-17 for adult themes and strong sexual content. The character of Hans Landa is the sole property of Quentin Tarantino. All other characters are of my own creation.
Ever onward in the saga of Hans and Desiree! This chapter might best be described as their “morning after” chapter. Again, thank you to all of you who have taken the time to leave such generous and enthusiastic praise in your comments and reviews. That’s what keeps me going. :-)
It was still dark outside when Hans awoke, and the light patter of rain against the window was somehow soothing and peaceful. He was pressed up against Desiree from behind, his body molded to hers.
Gott, she was so soft, so very soft. He slowly drew his hand up her thigh to her hip. He was hard again, and he wanted her so. He didn’t want to wake her but he couldn’t help himself, and his caresses became more purposeful.
Hans kissed the back of Desiree’s neck, moved a hand over her body and between her legs. She was still damp down there, and when he moved his fingers in and around her flesh he caught the rich scent of their sex: the mingled sweat, her juices, his semen. It was almost intoxicating. His breath grew heavier, his kisses more fervent.
He felt Desiree awaken, knew she was holding still to enjoy his caresses, and then she began to move back against him, pressing the soft, luscious flesh of her heart-shaped bottom against his groin, urging him on, which only triggered his lust further. He lifted her leg, pulled it up over his hip and thrust deep inside her. They both heaved a sigh at that initial penetration, as much in relief as in pleasure.
It felt so good, so right to be joined with her again. To be so close to her. Hans could hear her breathing, feel her heartbeat and reveled in the press of her flesh against his. When he closed his eyes he felt he was all sensation, locked together with her in some incredible carnal bliss. And somehow it was all new to him; he who had been with so many women and men, who had done almost everything imaginable sexually. How amazing it was to discover that, after all these years, there were still things to be learned and experienced.
Hans bit his lip, struggled to hold himself still, but Desiree pressed back harder against him, trying to take him deeper inside her while creating the friction they both craved. Hans’ kisses grew more fevered as he began to move inside her, and he listened closely as her breath grew increasingly labored. He felt as though he could never get deep enough inside her, and he wanted to so desperately. The drive, the very need to do so was an almost primal urge, as if by doing so their very souls would touch and they’d both know ecstasy.
Desiree seemed to almost instinctively understand and feel that same need, and she reached back behind them both to grab Hans’ hip and pull him into her even deeper, while pressing back against him as hard as she could. She moaned then, and Hans whimpered pressing forward as far as he could go, thrusting deeply inside her, nipping passionately at her throat.
Desiree stiffened against Hans and let loose with a soft groan. When he felt the gentle and rhythmic gripping of her sex around him he drove as deep as he could go and unleashed a heavy groan as his cock throbbed and spurted inside her.
* * * * * * *
It was dawn when Hans awoke once more. The rain had stopped, and he could hear a Mourning Dove in the distance. Desiree was still asleep, but she had turned over and was facing him now, so he took the opportunity to fully admire her in the tranquility of that early morning.
She was not a thin woman; her curves were lush and full and incredibly soft and welcoming. He was sure some men would consider her too heavy, but Hans had never liked thin, bony women. If he wanted a slender body he could have that in a man any time. No, he liked his women as womanly as possible: full hips, large breasts and a plush, round bottom were perfect to him. Desiree had all these qualities, and she was as wild and wanton in bed as any man he’d ever had.
His gaze fell on one of the silvery stretch marks on her belly, the lasting marks of having given birth. He had never had children, never even considered doing so, much less considered marriage. He had always been too buried in his work. And there had always been his lust for men to consider. What woman would have a man who so deeply desired other men? But then he’d never considered what it would be like to have a woman love you so much that she would carry your child.
Hans wondered what Desiree had looked like when her belly was rounded with her son. Had he met her twenty years earlier, that child might have been his, and perhaps his life would be very, very different.
Hans smiled and shook his head. What ridiculous thoughts he was having-stupid, foolish thoughts. What kind of father could he have possibly been? It wasn’t as though he’d had any real example to follow in his own distant, dismissive father, and there was so much rage and pain inside him he could never have set a positive example for a child. No, there was too much that was twisted and damaged inside him to ever have been a good father.
Desiree shifted a bit in her sleep, which pulled Hans out of his reverie. Gott, how lovely she looked. It was foolish, he knew, but somehow he felt less damaged with her. But he was still not whole, and probably never would be. He didn’t believe it was at all possible for someone like him to feel whole. The closest he’d come to feeling so were those blissful months at university when he and Jürgen had first become lovers. That was the first time in his life that Hans had truly felt loved and wanted, and it had given him that little vestige of hope that had carried him throughout his life, that one morsel of humanity that gave him a reason to live.
Somehow Desiree had managed to touch that tiny sliver of life inside him, and he needed that, so that must mean he needed her-and again, that mixture of thrill and fear at the thought filled him completely, and he wanted to drive it away. But at the same time he didn’t want to lose it; it was better to feel this turmoil, to experience it, than to return to the emptiness he’d felt for so long. It was better to be human and not an automaton.
Hans reached out then, and drew his finger down one of the shiny, silvery stretch marks on her belly. She woke up then, looked at him and smiled. He smiled back at her, and the hunger rose up in him again. He moved over to her, replaced his finger with his tongue, tracing each of her stretch marks, following them down her belly and to her sex, where the scent of their mingled flavors nearly made him drunk.
He had to taste the two of them together, and when he did he moaned because the mixture was rich and sweet and creamy beyond belief, and he licked and licked and licked at her, gathering as much of that sweetness on his tongue as possible.
Desiree was as excited by his soft sighs and the snuffling sounds of pleasure he made as she was by the touch of his tongue. He was so tender with her and yet so ardent. The way he seemed to savor every touch, every taste, every kiss filled her with incredible joy. When his tongue grazed her swollen bud she moaned and grabbed him by the hair and pulled him closer, and he dove right in with a rough growl.
Hans suckled hungrily on that soft bud, grasping her thighs and pulling her closer to him, bringing her thighs around his neck, luxuriating in the feel of that soft flesh against his face.
He was beginning to learn her body and its subtle signals. He could feel her tense up, knew she was close, felt her tremble when his tongue pressed along one side of her tender clitoris, and he kept it pressed there while he lightly sipped at the tip with his lips. She tensed even more. He continued his caresses with lips and tongue, and she raised her hips to his mouth until she finally stiffened against him and came with a low moan. He withdrew to slide his tongue inside her so he could feel her contractions. To know he’d done this to her, given her such pleasure, made him feel feral and possessive and drove his desire even deeper.
And then Hans couldn’t help himself any longer, he had to be inside her again, needed so desperately to be that close to her. He quickly crawled up her body and pulled her hips to his, and slid inside her once more. Every inch of his skin was aflame with desire, desire for her, to be close to her, to feel every aspect of himself joined with her, body and soul. The pleasure was fierce and intoxicating, and he trembled with it, burned with it, so aching and desperate to experience that ultimate closeness with this woman, his lover, his mistress, his everything-and oh Gott, she was coming again, gripping him so tightly inside, bringing him closer, closer, closer yet, and then he drove deep inside, as deep as he could go, and came with a throaty roar of pleasure.
Afterwards he held her close, buried his face in her shoulder, enjoyed the feel of his satiated flesh pressed to hers. Felt his cock soften, then slither out of her in a pool of warmth. He rolled off her. At first he was a bit afraid to look at her again, afraid that doing so would rekindle his passion. But after a while-a very short while-he couldn’t resist, and when he turned to look at her he was greeted with a lovely, almost beatific smile, and again he felt that ache inside; but this time it was a pleasing ache, not a desperate one.
He gathered her in his arms and held her close once more, kissed her on the nose and then lay back with a smile.
“The night of all nights,” he said, “the very best night of all.”
They both chuckled at that.
“Was it as good as you thought it might be?” Desiree asked.
“Better,” he replied. “A thousand times better.”
“Good sex?” Her grin was mischievous.
“Very good sex,” he laughed, and hugged her.
There was a knock at the door. “Monsieur Colonel? I have breakfast for both of you.”
“Dear Severine,” Desiree murmured into his chest, “always prepared for every contingency.”
“Indeed,” Hans smiled. “Come in then, Severine!”
Severine entered with one large tray filled with a hearty breakfast for two-eggs, bacon, croissants, jam, coffee-it smelt heavenly to Desiree, who could barely remember eating anything the night before; she was usually so busy when she catered an event that she rarely ate anything herself.
But despite her hunger, Desiree felt incredibly good, almost buoyant, her body and soul both completely relaxed and at peace She looked at Hans-he appeared just as relaxed and at peace. She’d never seen him so warm and so open.
“You’ve outdone yourself, Severine,” he told the older woman as he admired the sumptuous repast. “Is it not a beautiful morning?” His voice was full of good cheer.
“I think perhaps for you two it is an exceptionally beautiful morning, M. Colonel,” Severine replied with a wink. “Shall I pour coffee for the two of you?”
Hans laughed. “Please do, thank you.”
Once Severine had left, Hans got out of bed and Desiree admired his nude form as he walked across the room to retrieve his robe. He began to put it on.
“No, not yet,” she breathed.
Hans turned and nearly trembled when he caught her admiring gaze.
“When you look at me like that, it drives me wild,” he told her.
“You’re so beautiful,” she said.
“I’m not, really.”
“Yes you are. You don’t know how beautiful you are.”
“No, it’s you. You’re the beautiful one. And I won’t have you arguing with me on that point.” He put on the robe and tied it round his waist. He reached over and grabbed his dress shirt from the night before.
“Here, wear this,” he said, tossing it to her. “Otherwise I don’t believe I’ll make it through breakfast.”
Desiree giggled, pulled on the shirt and joined him at the small table.
“It looks much better on you than it does on me,” Hans told her with a wink.
“It’s very soft.”
“I have all my shirts made from the finest Egyptian cotton,” he told her as he handed her one of the cups of coffee. “They’re soft as butter, yet very, very sturdy. That shirt will last forever.”
“Always the height of fashion.” There was a mischievous note in her voice.
“Could I be anything less?” He grinned broadly, then ducked when Desiree tossed a morsel of bacon at him.
He watched her as they ate together. He had wondered if he could love her. He knew now that he already did, and irrevocably so. And he was happy-no longer frightened and hesitant. But with that love came an almost primal need to fully possess her, to protect her, to keep her with him always. And as he watched her spread jam on a croissant, he felt the sharp stab of desire in his belly once more. But with it came an ache of a different kind.
He wanted to keep her with him, but he knew that wouldn’t be possible. Not if he wanted to save her. He could already feel the gnawing pain of losing her grow within him, but he pushed it down deep. It was necessary, it didn’t change his love for her. If nothing else, she would be with him as much as possible before she had to leave. That he couldn’t deny himself.
“I wish I could keep you here, with me,” he told her.
Desiree smiled with a touch of sadness. “You know that’s impossible. It wouldn’t keep me any safer, and it would only endanger you.”
“I’m not talking just about that,” he said sharply. “I’m talking about-”
Hans stopped himself before he said too much, and glanced away from those large, brown eyes with their inquiring gaze.
“I understand,” Desiree finally said. “I want it, too. But it can’t happen.”
He looked up and their eyes locked. His eyes were both warm and sad. Desiree could see that something had come to life inside him as a result of their night together. She knew it had for her as well. But that feeling was for both of them tempered by the bittersweet knowledge that whatever they might dream or hope or want for the two of them, it could never happen.
Hans saw the change come over her face, and grew solemn himself.
“I’ve been working on a way to get you out of Europe,” he told her. “It’s complicated, but it can be done.”
“I know.”
He looked at her sharply. “And how do you know this?” But then he shrugged and looked away.
“I know, it’s foolish of me to even ask, isn’t it? But never mind, in the end it’s not important, anyway. Knowing what I do about the possibilities for leaving Europe in this time of war, I imagine the plan is quite similar. There are simply different routes followed by our occupying forces and your resistance forces. Our route happens to be a great deal safer, but the end destination is the same.
“I can get you papers-legitimate ones, that will get you through France and Spain to Portugal, where you can embark on a ship to America.”
Desiree swallowed and nodded, and Hans caught the delicate movement in her throat as she did so.
“I’ll make sure you’re kept safe throughout the entire process. That’s one thing I can do.”
He reached over the table to take her hand, and looked deep into her eyes.
“It will have to happen quickly,” he went on. “By the end of this week, perhaps sooner, if possible.” Just saying the very words filled his soul with pain, but it was necessary.
* * * * * * *
Severine left them alone, only fetching their breakfast dishes, bringing them lunch, then dinner. She knew it was best to leave two lovers alone, especially these two, and especially at this time and in this place. Desiree and the colonel needed to talk to each other. Severine sensed that they were both very wounded people, and maybe two wounded people could help each other heal. She hoped so.
She hadn’t known Desiree long at all, but she felt the woman was right for the colonel, and that he was right for her. Let them have what happiness they could. The odds were so much against them-and not the least of these odds were, she suspected, each other. But Severine had seen a great deal over the years, and she’d learned long since that there was very little that could be predicted in life.
Hans and Desiree talked and talked and talked. Everything in their pasts came pouring out. The differences, the similarities. The pain and the anger and love they’d each experienced in their lives. Desiree learned about Jürgen, and she understood-that was another enormous load lifted from Hans’ shoulders. Of course she understood personally how desperate the need for love could be. Hans learned about Uwe, and he understood-he even understood the element of power play and pain Desiree had experienced in that relationship. It was not unfamiliar to him, after all.
Under other circumstances, he might have been her Uwe-and perhaps, in one sense, he was. He suspected that part of what had drawn her to that man was not just the sense of a shared soul, but a shared darkness. It was what Hans felt for her as well, and what he knew she felt for him. Perhaps that was what love was, after all. Knowing the darkness in each other and not being afraid of it.
They made love twice more before she finally left the townhouse that evening, both times with a mixture of hunger and desperation. The first time she leaned over the bathroom counter and he entered her from behind so they could watch themselves together in the mirror and literally see what they were feeling. The urgency was almost unbearable, and they both came with violent intensity. Desiree sobbed, and Hans sobbed with her.
The second time was powerfully intense as well, but in a very different way. They clung to each other, rocked together, rained each other with hungry kisses. Desiree’s head fell back and she gasped when she came. Hans bent over and slid his tongue into her open mouth, and when she suckled on it he shuddered and came with a harsh, raw groan.
* * * * * * *
“I don’t want you to go,” Hans whispered to Desiree after she’d dressed. He was holding her close to him, cradling her head against his chest.
“I have to-we both know I have to.”
“Come back tomorrow evening-please. There’s so much more we need to do, to talk about…”
“I will. I promise.”
Hans came down the stairs with Desiree when she was ready to leave. He was once again wrapped in his robe; he hadn’t bothered to dress that day.
Severine stepped out of the kitchen when she heard them.
“Good night Severine,” Desiree told her. “I’ll be back tomorrow.”
Severine didn’t say anything, but she impulsively drew the younger woman into a quick hug. She drew back and laid a hand along Desiree’s cheek, then gave her an encouraging smile before she returned to the kitchen.
Desiree turned to give Hans a last kiss. They kissed for quite a while; neither wanted to let go. Finally Hans reluctantly pulled away. He gave her a light smack on her bottom.
“Now be off with you,” he said, “before I drag you back upstairs again.”
Desiree grinned, then turned and went out the door. When it closed behind her, Hans’ face fell. Tomorrow seemed very, very far away.
For all chapters of These Eyes So Green:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5501384/1/These_Eyes_So_Green
Ever onward in the saga of Hans and Desiree! This chapter might best be described as their “morning after” chapter. Again, thank you to all of you who have taken the time to leave such generous and enthusiastic praise in your comments and reviews. That’s what keeps me going. :-)
It was still dark outside when Hans awoke, and the light patter of rain against the window was somehow soothing and peaceful. He was pressed up against Desiree from behind, his body molded to hers.
Gott, she was so soft, so very soft. He slowly drew his hand up her thigh to her hip. He was hard again, and he wanted her so. He didn’t want to wake her but he couldn’t help himself, and his caresses became more purposeful.
Hans kissed the back of Desiree’s neck, moved a hand over her body and between her legs. She was still damp down there, and when he moved his fingers in and around her flesh he caught the rich scent of their sex: the mingled sweat, her juices, his semen. It was almost intoxicating. His breath grew heavier, his kisses more fervent.
He felt Desiree awaken, knew she was holding still to enjoy his caresses, and then she began to move back against him, pressing the soft, luscious flesh of her heart-shaped bottom against his groin, urging him on, which only triggered his lust further. He lifted her leg, pulled it up over his hip and thrust deep inside her. They both heaved a sigh at that initial penetration, as much in relief as in pleasure.
It felt so good, so right to be joined with her again. To be so close to her. Hans could hear her breathing, feel her heartbeat and reveled in the press of her flesh against his. When he closed his eyes he felt he was all sensation, locked together with her in some incredible carnal bliss. And somehow it was all new to him; he who had been with so many women and men, who had done almost everything imaginable sexually. How amazing it was to discover that, after all these years, there were still things to be learned and experienced.
Hans bit his lip, struggled to hold himself still, but Desiree pressed back harder against him, trying to take him deeper inside her while creating the friction they both craved. Hans’ kisses grew more fevered as he began to move inside her, and he listened closely as her breath grew increasingly labored. He felt as though he could never get deep enough inside her, and he wanted to so desperately. The drive, the very need to do so was an almost primal urge, as if by doing so their very souls would touch and they’d both know ecstasy.
Desiree seemed to almost instinctively understand and feel that same need, and she reached back behind them both to grab Hans’ hip and pull him into her even deeper, while pressing back against him as hard as she could. She moaned then, and Hans whimpered pressing forward as far as he could go, thrusting deeply inside her, nipping passionately at her throat.
Desiree stiffened against Hans and let loose with a soft groan. When he felt the gentle and rhythmic gripping of her sex around him he drove as deep as he could go and unleashed a heavy groan as his cock throbbed and spurted inside her.
* * * * * * *
It was dawn when Hans awoke once more. The rain had stopped, and he could hear a Mourning Dove in the distance. Desiree was still asleep, but she had turned over and was facing him now, so he took the opportunity to fully admire her in the tranquility of that early morning.
She was not a thin woman; her curves were lush and full and incredibly soft and welcoming. He was sure some men would consider her too heavy, but Hans had never liked thin, bony women. If he wanted a slender body he could have that in a man any time. No, he liked his women as womanly as possible: full hips, large breasts and a plush, round bottom were perfect to him. Desiree had all these qualities, and she was as wild and wanton in bed as any man he’d ever had.
His gaze fell on one of the silvery stretch marks on her belly, the lasting marks of having given birth. He had never had children, never even considered doing so, much less considered marriage. He had always been too buried in his work. And there had always been his lust for men to consider. What woman would have a man who so deeply desired other men? But then he’d never considered what it would be like to have a woman love you so much that she would carry your child.
Hans wondered what Desiree had looked like when her belly was rounded with her son. Had he met her twenty years earlier, that child might have been his, and perhaps his life would be very, very different.
Hans smiled and shook his head. What ridiculous thoughts he was having-stupid, foolish thoughts. What kind of father could he have possibly been? It wasn’t as though he’d had any real example to follow in his own distant, dismissive father, and there was so much rage and pain inside him he could never have set a positive example for a child. No, there was too much that was twisted and damaged inside him to ever have been a good father.
Desiree shifted a bit in her sleep, which pulled Hans out of his reverie. Gott, how lovely she looked. It was foolish, he knew, but somehow he felt less damaged with her. But he was still not whole, and probably never would be. He didn’t believe it was at all possible for someone like him to feel whole. The closest he’d come to feeling so were those blissful months at university when he and Jürgen had first become lovers. That was the first time in his life that Hans had truly felt loved and wanted, and it had given him that little vestige of hope that had carried him throughout his life, that one morsel of humanity that gave him a reason to live.
Somehow Desiree had managed to touch that tiny sliver of life inside him, and he needed that, so that must mean he needed her-and again, that mixture of thrill and fear at the thought filled him completely, and he wanted to drive it away. But at the same time he didn’t want to lose it; it was better to feel this turmoil, to experience it, than to return to the emptiness he’d felt for so long. It was better to be human and not an automaton.
Hans reached out then, and drew his finger down one of the shiny, silvery stretch marks on her belly. She woke up then, looked at him and smiled. He smiled back at her, and the hunger rose up in him again. He moved over to her, replaced his finger with his tongue, tracing each of her stretch marks, following them down her belly and to her sex, where the scent of their mingled flavors nearly made him drunk.
He had to taste the two of them together, and when he did he moaned because the mixture was rich and sweet and creamy beyond belief, and he licked and licked and licked at her, gathering as much of that sweetness on his tongue as possible.
Desiree was as excited by his soft sighs and the snuffling sounds of pleasure he made as she was by the touch of his tongue. He was so tender with her and yet so ardent. The way he seemed to savor every touch, every taste, every kiss filled her with incredible joy. When his tongue grazed her swollen bud she moaned and grabbed him by the hair and pulled him closer, and he dove right in with a rough growl.
Hans suckled hungrily on that soft bud, grasping her thighs and pulling her closer to him, bringing her thighs around his neck, luxuriating in the feel of that soft flesh against his face.
He was beginning to learn her body and its subtle signals. He could feel her tense up, knew she was close, felt her tremble when his tongue pressed along one side of her tender clitoris, and he kept it pressed there while he lightly sipped at the tip with his lips. She tensed even more. He continued his caresses with lips and tongue, and she raised her hips to his mouth until she finally stiffened against him and came with a low moan. He withdrew to slide his tongue inside her so he could feel her contractions. To know he’d done this to her, given her such pleasure, made him feel feral and possessive and drove his desire even deeper.
And then Hans couldn’t help himself any longer, he had to be inside her again, needed so desperately to be that close to her. He quickly crawled up her body and pulled her hips to his, and slid inside her once more. Every inch of his skin was aflame with desire, desire for her, to be close to her, to feel every aspect of himself joined with her, body and soul. The pleasure was fierce and intoxicating, and he trembled with it, burned with it, so aching and desperate to experience that ultimate closeness with this woman, his lover, his mistress, his everything-and oh Gott, she was coming again, gripping him so tightly inside, bringing him closer, closer, closer yet, and then he drove deep inside, as deep as he could go, and came with a throaty roar of pleasure.
Afterwards he held her close, buried his face in her shoulder, enjoyed the feel of his satiated flesh pressed to hers. Felt his cock soften, then slither out of her in a pool of warmth. He rolled off her. At first he was a bit afraid to look at her again, afraid that doing so would rekindle his passion. But after a while-a very short while-he couldn’t resist, and when he turned to look at her he was greeted with a lovely, almost beatific smile, and again he felt that ache inside; but this time it was a pleasing ache, not a desperate one.
He gathered her in his arms and held her close once more, kissed her on the nose and then lay back with a smile.
“The night of all nights,” he said, “the very best night of all.”
They both chuckled at that.
“Was it as good as you thought it might be?” Desiree asked.
“Better,” he replied. “A thousand times better.”
“Good sex?” Her grin was mischievous.
“Very good sex,” he laughed, and hugged her.
There was a knock at the door. “Monsieur Colonel? I have breakfast for both of you.”
“Dear Severine,” Desiree murmured into his chest, “always prepared for every contingency.”
“Indeed,” Hans smiled. “Come in then, Severine!”
Severine entered with one large tray filled with a hearty breakfast for two-eggs, bacon, croissants, jam, coffee-it smelt heavenly to Desiree, who could barely remember eating anything the night before; she was usually so busy when she catered an event that she rarely ate anything herself.
But despite her hunger, Desiree felt incredibly good, almost buoyant, her body and soul both completely relaxed and at peace She looked at Hans-he appeared just as relaxed and at peace. She’d never seen him so warm and so open.
“You’ve outdone yourself, Severine,” he told the older woman as he admired the sumptuous repast. “Is it not a beautiful morning?” His voice was full of good cheer.
“I think perhaps for you two it is an exceptionally beautiful morning, M. Colonel,” Severine replied with a wink. “Shall I pour coffee for the two of you?”
Hans laughed. “Please do, thank you.”
Once Severine had left, Hans got out of bed and Desiree admired his nude form as he walked across the room to retrieve his robe. He began to put it on.
“No, not yet,” she breathed.
Hans turned and nearly trembled when he caught her admiring gaze.
“When you look at me like that, it drives me wild,” he told her.
“You’re so beautiful,” she said.
“I’m not, really.”
“Yes you are. You don’t know how beautiful you are.”
“No, it’s you. You’re the beautiful one. And I won’t have you arguing with me on that point.” He put on the robe and tied it round his waist. He reached over and grabbed his dress shirt from the night before.
“Here, wear this,” he said, tossing it to her. “Otherwise I don’t believe I’ll make it through breakfast.”
Desiree giggled, pulled on the shirt and joined him at the small table.
“It looks much better on you than it does on me,” Hans told her with a wink.
“It’s very soft.”
“I have all my shirts made from the finest Egyptian cotton,” he told her as he handed her one of the cups of coffee. “They’re soft as butter, yet very, very sturdy. That shirt will last forever.”
“Always the height of fashion.” There was a mischievous note in her voice.
“Could I be anything less?” He grinned broadly, then ducked when Desiree tossed a morsel of bacon at him.
He watched her as they ate together. He had wondered if he could love her. He knew now that he already did, and irrevocably so. And he was happy-no longer frightened and hesitant. But with that love came an almost primal need to fully possess her, to protect her, to keep her with him always. And as he watched her spread jam on a croissant, he felt the sharp stab of desire in his belly once more. But with it came an ache of a different kind.
He wanted to keep her with him, but he knew that wouldn’t be possible. Not if he wanted to save her. He could already feel the gnawing pain of losing her grow within him, but he pushed it down deep. It was necessary, it didn’t change his love for her. If nothing else, she would be with him as much as possible before she had to leave. That he couldn’t deny himself.
“I wish I could keep you here, with me,” he told her.
Desiree smiled with a touch of sadness. “You know that’s impossible. It wouldn’t keep me any safer, and it would only endanger you.”
“I’m not talking just about that,” he said sharply. “I’m talking about-”
Hans stopped himself before he said too much, and glanced away from those large, brown eyes with their inquiring gaze.
“I understand,” Desiree finally said. “I want it, too. But it can’t happen.”
He looked up and their eyes locked. His eyes were both warm and sad. Desiree could see that something had come to life inside him as a result of their night together. She knew it had for her as well. But that feeling was for both of them tempered by the bittersweet knowledge that whatever they might dream or hope or want for the two of them, it could never happen.
Hans saw the change come over her face, and grew solemn himself.
“I’ve been working on a way to get you out of Europe,” he told her. “It’s complicated, but it can be done.”
“I know.”
He looked at her sharply. “And how do you know this?” But then he shrugged and looked away.
“I know, it’s foolish of me to even ask, isn’t it? But never mind, in the end it’s not important, anyway. Knowing what I do about the possibilities for leaving Europe in this time of war, I imagine the plan is quite similar. There are simply different routes followed by our occupying forces and your resistance forces. Our route happens to be a great deal safer, but the end destination is the same.
“I can get you papers-legitimate ones, that will get you through France and Spain to Portugal, where you can embark on a ship to America.”
Desiree swallowed and nodded, and Hans caught the delicate movement in her throat as she did so.
“I’ll make sure you’re kept safe throughout the entire process. That’s one thing I can do.”
He reached over the table to take her hand, and looked deep into her eyes.
“It will have to happen quickly,” he went on. “By the end of this week, perhaps sooner, if possible.” Just saying the very words filled his soul with pain, but it was necessary.
* * * * * * *
Severine left them alone, only fetching their breakfast dishes, bringing them lunch, then dinner. She knew it was best to leave two lovers alone, especially these two, and especially at this time and in this place. Desiree and the colonel needed to talk to each other. Severine sensed that they were both very wounded people, and maybe two wounded people could help each other heal. She hoped so.
She hadn’t known Desiree long at all, but she felt the woman was right for the colonel, and that he was right for her. Let them have what happiness they could. The odds were so much against them-and not the least of these odds were, she suspected, each other. But Severine had seen a great deal over the years, and she’d learned long since that there was very little that could be predicted in life.
Hans and Desiree talked and talked and talked. Everything in their pasts came pouring out. The differences, the similarities. The pain and the anger and love they’d each experienced in their lives. Desiree learned about Jürgen, and she understood-that was another enormous load lifted from Hans’ shoulders. Of course she understood personally how desperate the need for love could be. Hans learned about Uwe, and he understood-he even understood the element of power play and pain Desiree had experienced in that relationship. It was not unfamiliar to him, after all.
Under other circumstances, he might have been her Uwe-and perhaps, in one sense, he was. He suspected that part of what had drawn her to that man was not just the sense of a shared soul, but a shared darkness. It was what Hans felt for her as well, and what he knew she felt for him. Perhaps that was what love was, after all. Knowing the darkness in each other and not being afraid of it.
They made love twice more before she finally left the townhouse that evening, both times with a mixture of hunger and desperation. The first time she leaned over the bathroom counter and he entered her from behind so they could watch themselves together in the mirror and literally see what they were feeling. The urgency was almost unbearable, and they both came with violent intensity. Desiree sobbed, and Hans sobbed with her.
The second time was powerfully intense as well, but in a very different way. They clung to each other, rocked together, rained each other with hungry kisses. Desiree’s head fell back and she gasped when she came. Hans bent over and slid his tongue into her open mouth, and when she suckled on it he shuddered and came with a harsh, raw groan.
* * * * * * *
“I don’t want you to go,” Hans whispered to Desiree after she’d dressed. He was holding her close to him, cradling her head against his chest.
“I have to-we both know I have to.”
“Come back tomorrow evening-please. There’s so much more we need to do, to talk about…”
“I will. I promise.”
Hans came down the stairs with Desiree when she was ready to leave. He was once again wrapped in his robe; he hadn’t bothered to dress that day.
Severine stepped out of the kitchen when she heard them.
“Good night Severine,” Desiree told her. “I’ll be back tomorrow.”
Severine didn’t say anything, but she impulsively drew the younger woman into a quick hug. She drew back and laid a hand along Desiree’s cheek, then gave her an encouraging smile before she returned to the kitchen.
Desiree turned to give Hans a last kiss. They kissed for quite a while; neither wanted to let go. Finally Hans reluctantly pulled away. He gave her a light smack on her bottom.
“Now be off with you,” he said, “before I drag you back upstairs again.”
Desiree grinned, then turned and went out the door. When it closed behind her, Hans’ face fell. Tomorrow seemed very, very far away.
For all chapters of These Eyes So Green:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5501384/1/These_Eyes_So_Green