paranoid android:
I don't know why, but sometimes I think I can tell when a relationship becomes really strained. And, I don't mean that in the romantic sense, but in the we-used-to-be-such-good-friends sense. I don't understand why you are being the way that you are. I don't understand why it suddenly feels like you cannot stand talking to me anymore, or why it feels like I have to watch my words so much when I talk to you.
I'm trying to retrace our history, piecing things together, rewinding the conversations we've had. And I'm trying to figure out if the last one we had was filled with things that I said that you didn't appreciate. Or the one before that, or the one before that. I don't understand.
Sometimes, I feel bad because it feels like people are constantly getting tired of me, and I can't do anything about it. I mean, I'm just being me.
There are certain people who stick around, and who give me loads of chances, and I really, truly love them for that. I've had way too many phases in my life where I have pushed people away by being relentlessly poisonous and toxic and negative. I've had so many phases where I shut everybody out just because having them around felt like too much to deal with. And yet. They are still here.
For the rest of the people in my life, what I would want is to know for certain if you are the kind of person who will stick around, or if the kind of person who will dissolve into a place where all you can seem to muster when we cross paths in a bookstore-after years of best friendship followed by years of time apart-is a 'Hi, we're going to have a look around now, see you,' or if you are the kind of person who will act antagonistic for no reason and then disappear forever.
I'm just so tired of trying on people and then finding out that they don't fit right.
I'm trying to retrace our history, piecing things together, rewinding the conversations we've had. And I'm trying to figure out if the last one we had was filled with things that I said that you didn't appreciate. Or the one before that, or the one before that. I don't understand.
Sometimes, I feel bad because it feels like people are constantly getting tired of me, and I can't do anything about it. I mean, I'm just being me.
There are certain people who stick around, and who give me loads of chances, and I really, truly love them for that. I've had way too many phases in my life where I have pushed people away by being relentlessly poisonous and toxic and negative. I've had so many phases where I shut everybody out just because having them around felt like too much to deal with. And yet. They are still here.
For the rest of the people in my life, what I would want is to know for certain if you are the kind of person who will stick around, or if the kind of person who will dissolve into a place where all you can seem to muster when we cross paths in a bookstore-after years of best friendship followed by years of time apart-is a 'Hi, we're going to have a look around now, see you,' or if you are the kind of person who will act antagonistic for no reason and then disappear forever.
I'm just so tired of trying on people and then finding out that they don't fit right.