(no subject)
You put me through so much pain and you haven't wanted to talk to me about it or through it in the past. I feel exhausted trying to explain myself and why you hurt me. I wanted to know that you regretted it but I am not sure you ever truly did. You knew the things that you should say to me and you didn't. You knew the way you should treat me and you didn't. You knew the things I wanted and needed and you refused to do any of them. You just made me feel unloved, unwanted and that you didn't care about my feelings. How were we supposed to have a good dynamic with each other without a serious and committed longterm relationship? How could things go well if you kept giving up and telling me to move on instead of working through things with me? How could I thrive without a full commitment from you? How could we ever be together after the things you have done and not done to me? The horrible things you have said, the terrible ways you treated me and the abuse you have put me through? You told me right away to move on because you didn't think that I was 'the one'. That you weren't attracted to me emotionally. You told me that you thought that you would just waste my time. You did choose to do that, to waste my time and not be the person that I needed but; will you ever fully feel that I wasn't 'the one?' Is that even true? Perhaps if you spent more time building bridges between us than trying so hard to sabotage any potential relationship between us, maybe I would have been 'the one.' Could I have been if you treated me like I was 'the one' since day one? Who we could have been was buried in pain abuse and mishandling from you. Who we were was buried by intense pain that you caused me. Why did you have to put so much pain around our love and hope that you would forget about me?