(no subject)
I have been having these strange dreams lately. I can't remember them at all, not any details or anything. But I remember the feeling, the... sense of reality. They feel connected, all part of the same universe. Like somehow, I'm waking up to another life...
Thesis defense stress dreams, combined with shit I'm moving to another country...
See, not that y'all know me from Eve, but I've been applying to get a Rhodes Scholarship since I was an undergrad at Berkeley. I've had a plan. And it's never been quite enough. But this year, I got everything perfected, and I'm going to be getting my Doctorate from motherfucking Oxford. My mind is swimming. That's my excuse for not telling people in a timely manner.
Mom got pissed that I didn't tell her right away. Dad actually found out first, which if we're being honest, is the real reason Mom's pissed. But Dad called first! It couldn't be helped. I mean, he was telling me about a show in Wales in October and I mean, he was asking about flying me out there to see it. I had to tell him.
It's just been a lot. Because on top of... everything happening all at once... Cliff (my boyfriend, since y'all don't know me) got his Masters in Economics three years ago. He's been working as a TA so he could keep doing research and build his portfolio because each of those three years he's applied to get a Rhodes and... He's not being a prick about me getting one and him not. Thank fuck for that. But he's had to find a job because he'll be moving over there with me. That's what the plan's always been. It won't be hard for him, but we're both stressed the fuck out because I've got to defend my thesis next week and he's trying to find a job before we move in July. When no one in my family was excited to hear he was coming with me to Oxford. Literally no one. I got varieties of "does he have to come?" and "if he's not going to be a student why is he going?" Because my family are assholes. I love my family, but it's frustrating as hell. They like Cliff just fine... here. If living in Ithaca and teaching was our life, and was what I wanted, they wouldn't have an issue. But they're judgy little shits and they don't think he's at the level I'm going to be at once I'm a doctoral candidate. They don't think he'll be able to handle me... being above him. In academic status. In earning potential. They think his white boy is going to show through and he's going to pull some neanderthal temper tantrum.
So maybe my subconscious is trying to take me to another world where these people I love aren't driving me fucking crazy at the worst goddamn time.
Thesis defense stress dreams, combined with shit I'm moving to another country...
See, not that y'all know me from Eve, but I've been applying to get a Rhodes Scholarship since I was an undergrad at Berkeley. I've had a plan. And it's never been quite enough. But this year, I got everything perfected, and I'm going to be getting my Doctorate from motherfucking Oxford. My mind is swimming. That's my excuse for not telling people in a timely manner.
Mom got pissed that I didn't tell her right away. Dad actually found out first, which if we're being honest, is the real reason Mom's pissed. But Dad called first! It couldn't be helped. I mean, he was telling me about a show in Wales in October and I mean, he was asking about flying me out there to see it. I had to tell him.
It's just been a lot. Because on top of... everything happening all at once... Cliff (my boyfriend, since y'all don't know me) got his Masters in Economics three years ago. He's been working as a TA so he could keep doing research and build his portfolio because each of those three years he's applied to get a Rhodes and... He's not being a prick about me getting one and him not. Thank fuck for that. But he's had to find a job because he'll be moving over there with me. That's what the plan's always been. It won't be hard for him, but we're both stressed the fuck out because I've got to defend my thesis next week and he's trying to find a job before we move in July. When no one in my family was excited to hear he was coming with me to Oxford. Literally no one. I got varieties of "does he have to come?" and "if he's not going to be a student why is he going?" Because my family are assholes. I love my family, but it's frustrating as hell. They like Cliff just fine... here. If living in Ithaca and teaching was our life, and was what I wanted, they wouldn't have an issue. But they're judgy little shits and they don't think he's at the level I'm going to be at once I'm a doctoral candidate. They don't think he'll be able to handle me... being above him. In academic status. In earning potential. They think his white boy is going to show through and he's going to pull some neanderthal temper tantrum.
So maybe my subconscious is trying to take me to another world where these people I love aren't driving me fucking crazy at the worst goddamn time.