The week
Yesterday I started decorating a bit for the holidays. I love lights. I put white lights on my A-frame book-tv stand, they look charming. I'll put multi-colored lights around the 2 big windows-they only face another building, but it will look nice from the inside. There is a very slim chance I could get new blinds, so I'm waiting on putting them up, just in case. I put a few little things out. I'll make a trip to Salvation Army-since as I search for my various containers of Christmas stuff, I find old things that I forget I had and why I have saved them.
This past week was full. Monday was rough. Even after therapy, I think my headache was worse. She introduced me to a cool technique called Emo-free which uses pressure points and a funny little sequence of things you say or do to help break thought patterns. The goal is to acknowledge a problem and create self acceptance despite the existance of the problem. It helped alot.
Tuesday, I had my follow up with the oral surgeon who is a real cutie with a good personality and that went well. Mouth looks good, he listened to my concerns about all the triggering that went on. We don't meet again until March.
Thursday I met with the deputy DA and my advocat. Interesting. I was really emotional at first, just really quiet. I asked how we'd all be arranged because I wanted to be prepared for where the guy was sitting and what part of my vision he would be in. We went into a courtroom where a trial was taking place and I saw the placement. At this one, the defendant was on the end closest to the witness stand and the attorneys sitting next to him. When we left, I said, it looked like when I looked at the DA's, I would be seeing this guy. My DA said he would use a podium if that would make me feel better, right in front of me, but the defense probably wouldn't. They both stressed to me that I don't even have to look at the DA when I answer, I could look at the judge, who is opposite the table where they sit. I said, that's not considered rude, and they said no way. I asked what the guy would be doing, and my advocat said that typically, someone like him, would have his head lowered looking at the table and nothing else, or watching everything very detached, like a movie. They said there could be some eye rolling or shaking of the head, but said he probably wouldn't be displaying any hostility because it would look really bad for him. Regardless of what he was doing, they said to completley ignore him, it just doesn't matter. I asked if he would be in handcuffs and they said, probably not, but the bailif would be right there.
Then we went over what I would be asked. The deputy DA is tall, dark hair, very blue eyes, handsome. Young of course. He hadn't seen the file yet, but that is typical, the advocat and he hadn't even met yet. I guess there is a constant influx of new DA's coming and going and every six months, they switch around. This isn't the same one who called me when it happened, but he now has his office. He'll ask me quetions of what happened in chronilogical order, in detail. There will lots about the contents of my purse and lots about what I remember in the car. I know they are trying to determine if he had a hammer or not and if the perfectly round bruise and bump in the middle of my forehead was caused by me hitting the hand break or stick shift or not. Since there are moments inside and outside the car I don't remember, I can only say what I remember. I do find it fascinating and interesting that there are facts I don't know about, but it's going to be a long time before all that comes out. When I said I was concerned about id'ing him, he said not to worry, if I'm not sure, just say that. He'll ask details like skin tone, size, clothing, etc. I asked if they had DNA and they do, but they don't order tests until a trial date is set because of the expense of those tests.
The defense DA will ask the same questions, not in chronological order and in different format and possibly over and over, to test the accuracy of my memory. At any time, I can ask for a break, say I need a moment, etc. There will be a lot of yes/no questions. If I'm not given the opportunity to explain something, my DA will intervene or ask me in a redirect. He said the defense usually takes as long or longer than the prosecution. My da said he's probably take about 30 minutes.
I asked to see the pictures so I could be desensitized to them at the hearing. They were on a disc, I had to turn around while he found the pertinant ones, since I can't see others. It was wierd and very very sad, to see myself sitting there, with a gloved hand holding my head up. I look very pale, the bruising hadn't started yet, but I look like I was hit, swelling had started. There are a few. There's a couple of the blood in the driveway, between where I'm sitting and my carport. More than I expected. I was ok with it though.
They said to be prepared for delays, not getting a court room that day, having it resheduled for the next day or later, or starting late and having it roll over. It sounds like me and the cops are the only ones testifying for this hearing.
When that was over, I met my friend at a cozy place and over a few hours had 3 martinis! And the best home fries ever. This place is cool, it's down the street, owned by an Afghanistan family-mom, son, daughter. The son and daugher are super hip and nice, I've never seen the mom, but she is the main cook. The food is great, small menu, lots of fresh veggies, but meat and seafood as well. Great wine and beer menu. The atmosphere is unique, super ambient. It's doing well, the crowd is cool, young and urban. He does all his marketing on Facebook which is so freakin smart. That was a great few hours, celebrating a milestone, gossiping, relaxing, getting a good buzz on.
Work is still crazy. The woman who took over part of my former position, sent me yet another email copying my manager, informing me of a procedure and what I needed to do. I all ready knew about it. I wrote back and said so and asked why she was informing me? (It's not her area anymore). My manager wrote back and said that she had helped the people involved. I wrote back just my manager and said the procedure has been in place a long time, because they have been doing it, the woman is no longer involved in this area, I perceive her tone as condescending and micro-managing and I don't even report to her. I wrote, I hope you understand. My manager wrote back and said, Understood, It was no big deal, blah blah blah. I wrote back and said, thank you, but I want to emphasize that it is a big deal, I don't report to her, she's not in this area anymore, I got it.. She didn't reply. My former team told my manager that I was condescending and micro managed which I still object to, no evidence was ever given to me.
It's ludicrous. I think they just want to break me. I think it's caluculated too. The job is so entry level and I have this moron directing me, not to mention that I showed her how to do this procedure 4 years ago, when she started. I did my emo-free, then and there, because all of sudden my head was pounding like crazy. It worked. I could lose this job tomorrow or anywhere down the line. But they'll tell me to leave, I'm not quitting without another job.
Some things matter alot, some don't. Work morons don't. My health does. I actually feel pretty good, the more tools I have, the more I trust them, the better. I think beets in the green smoothie have a bit to do with it too!! LOL
I had a great talk with my folks today. My mom gets it and gets me, why I did what I did, how I continue to do what I'm doing. That is cool. I think they're using all their will and strength to not go there, they drift in and then focus on the positive and good. She asks questions, she knows there are details, she doesn't need them, but she knows. Poor things. That hurts me.
Went back to yoga yesterday. Whew! Great!
This past week was full. Monday was rough. Even after therapy, I think my headache was worse. She introduced me to a cool technique called Emo-free which uses pressure points and a funny little sequence of things you say or do to help break thought patterns. The goal is to acknowledge a problem and create self acceptance despite the existance of the problem. It helped alot.
Tuesday, I had my follow up with the oral surgeon who is a real cutie with a good personality and that went well. Mouth looks good, he listened to my concerns about all the triggering that went on. We don't meet again until March.
Thursday I met with the deputy DA and my advocat. Interesting. I was really emotional at first, just really quiet. I asked how we'd all be arranged because I wanted to be prepared for where the guy was sitting and what part of my vision he would be in. We went into a courtroom where a trial was taking place and I saw the placement. At this one, the defendant was on the end closest to the witness stand and the attorneys sitting next to him. When we left, I said, it looked like when I looked at the DA's, I would be seeing this guy. My DA said he would use a podium if that would make me feel better, right in front of me, but the defense probably wouldn't. They both stressed to me that I don't even have to look at the DA when I answer, I could look at the judge, who is opposite the table where they sit. I said, that's not considered rude, and they said no way. I asked what the guy would be doing, and my advocat said that typically, someone like him, would have his head lowered looking at the table and nothing else, or watching everything very detached, like a movie. They said there could be some eye rolling or shaking of the head, but said he probably wouldn't be displaying any hostility because it would look really bad for him. Regardless of what he was doing, they said to completley ignore him, it just doesn't matter. I asked if he would be in handcuffs and they said, probably not, but the bailif would be right there.
Then we went over what I would be asked. The deputy DA is tall, dark hair, very blue eyes, handsome. Young of course. He hadn't seen the file yet, but that is typical, the advocat and he hadn't even met yet. I guess there is a constant influx of new DA's coming and going and every six months, they switch around. This isn't the same one who called me when it happened, but he now has his office. He'll ask me quetions of what happened in chronilogical order, in detail. There will lots about the contents of my purse and lots about what I remember in the car. I know they are trying to determine if he had a hammer or not and if the perfectly round bruise and bump in the middle of my forehead was caused by me hitting the hand break or stick shift or not. Since there are moments inside and outside the car I don't remember, I can only say what I remember. I do find it fascinating and interesting that there are facts I don't know about, but it's going to be a long time before all that comes out. When I said I was concerned about id'ing him, he said not to worry, if I'm not sure, just say that. He'll ask details like skin tone, size, clothing, etc. I asked if they had DNA and they do, but they don't order tests until a trial date is set because of the expense of those tests.
The defense DA will ask the same questions, not in chronological order and in different format and possibly over and over, to test the accuracy of my memory. At any time, I can ask for a break, say I need a moment, etc. There will be a lot of yes/no questions. If I'm not given the opportunity to explain something, my DA will intervene or ask me in a redirect. He said the defense usually takes as long or longer than the prosecution. My da said he's probably take about 30 minutes.
I asked to see the pictures so I could be desensitized to them at the hearing. They were on a disc, I had to turn around while he found the pertinant ones, since I can't see others. It was wierd and very very sad, to see myself sitting there, with a gloved hand holding my head up. I look very pale, the bruising hadn't started yet, but I look like I was hit, swelling had started. There are a few. There's a couple of the blood in the driveway, between where I'm sitting and my carport. More than I expected. I was ok with it though.
They said to be prepared for delays, not getting a court room that day, having it resheduled for the next day or later, or starting late and having it roll over. It sounds like me and the cops are the only ones testifying for this hearing.
When that was over, I met my friend at a cozy place and over a few hours had 3 martinis! And the best home fries ever. This place is cool, it's down the street, owned by an Afghanistan family-mom, son, daughter. The son and daugher are super hip and nice, I've never seen the mom, but she is the main cook. The food is great, small menu, lots of fresh veggies, but meat and seafood as well. Great wine and beer menu. The atmosphere is unique, super ambient. It's doing well, the crowd is cool, young and urban. He does all his marketing on Facebook which is so freakin smart. That was a great few hours, celebrating a milestone, gossiping, relaxing, getting a good buzz on.
Work is still crazy. The woman who took over part of my former position, sent me yet another email copying my manager, informing me of a procedure and what I needed to do. I all ready knew about it. I wrote back and said so and asked why she was informing me? (It's not her area anymore). My manager wrote back and said that she had helped the people involved. I wrote back just my manager and said the procedure has been in place a long time, because they have been doing it, the woman is no longer involved in this area, I perceive her tone as condescending and micro-managing and I don't even report to her. I wrote, I hope you understand. My manager wrote back and said, Understood, It was no big deal, blah blah blah. I wrote back and said, thank you, but I want to emphasize that it is a big deal, I don't report to her, she's not in this area anymore, I got it.. She didn't reply. My former team told my manager that I was condescending and micro managed which I still object to, no evidence was ever given to me.
It's ludicrous. I think they just want to break me. I think it's caluculated too. The job is so entry level and I have this moron directing me, not to mention that I showed her how to do this procedure 4 years ago, when she started. I did my emo-free, then and there, because all of sudden my head was pounding like crazy. It worked. I could lose this job tomorrow or anywhere down the line. But they'll tell me to leave, I'm not quitting without another job.
Some things matter alot, some don't. Work morons don't. My health does. I actually feel pretty good, the more tools I have, the more I trust them, the better. I think beets in the green smoothie have a bit to do with it too!! LOL
I had a great talk with my folks today. My mom gets it and gets me, why I did what I did, how I continue to do what I'm doing. That is cool. I think they're using all their will and strength to not go there, they drift in and then focus on the positive and good. She asks questions, she knows there are details, she doesn't need them, but she knows. Poor things. That hurts me.
Went back to yoga yesterday. Whew! Great!