(no subject)
Change in plans
Friday night. Had planned on going to Burning Man social, meet one of the artist get-togethers and cancelled to myself as I parked my car at home. It was going to be a practice run for getting the dog fed and walked a little earlier than the normal time, then me heading out for a couple of hours. At lunch, instead of just letting him out and lolling around together, we walked for 20 minutes. On top of our 30 minute morning walk, we just needed a shortie to get to his hour of walking.
I'm just sick of doing things by myself. I liked being part of a couple and not being alone in a crowd. I've been to many events on my own where I just couldn't get in to break the ice. Sometimes these events are full of couples and groups and partners, it's hard to navigate solo to initiate a comment or question that will get a conversation going; and it's just not fun. I actually felt panicky as I let myself think about what I really wanted to do and what I should do. "Should" as in what the world thinks how singles meet others. In theory, it's completely logical.
I thought of my dog upstairs and how much less panic I feel when I'm with him. Unofficially, he really is a support dog for me. I thought about bravely putting on my social face and leaving him at home and accepted I wanted to be with him, at home, not forcing it at some event.
I realize this limits me, but what the hell, true to myself. So, a change of plans.
Friday night. Had planned on going to Burning Man social, meet one of the artist get-togethers and cancelled to myself as I parked my car at home. It was going to be a practice run for getting the dog fed and walked a little earlier than the normal time, then me heading out for a couple of hours. At lunch, instead of just letting him out and lolling around together, we walked for 20 minutes. On top of our 30 minute morning walk, we just needed a shortie to get to his hour of walking.
I'm just sick of doing things by myself. I liked being part of a couple and not being alone in a crowd. I've been to many events on my own where I just couldn't get in to break the ice. Sometimes these events are full of couples and groups and partners, it's hard to navigate solo to initiate a comment or question that will get a conversation going; and it's just not fun. I actually felt panicky as I let myself think about what I really wanted to do and what I should do. "Should" as in what the world thinks how singles meet others. In theory, it's completely logical.
I thought of my dog upstairs and how much less panic I feel when I'm with him. Unofficially, he really is a support dog for me. I thought about bravely putting on my social face and leaving him at home and accepted I wanted to be with him, at home, not forcing it at some event.
I realize this limits me, but what the hell, true to myself. So, a change of plans.