Hey, you have to stop apologizing in your Author's Notes! I keep telling you that you are doing a great job, and I think you just have to get some confidence. Every week shows leaps and bounds. Keep up the good work. I'm rooting for you!
You know what? Sometimes I still apologize. We are our own worst critics! But know that you are in a safe place with fellow writers who respect that you are doing your best, and we like you! No need to be shy; we've all been there before (and some of us are still there).
I'll do my best to remember that. My mind is my on worst enemy, but I'll get past it someday. Hopefully soon. It's great to know that I have people (in BF, mostly) seeing the potential in me and looking forward to my progress.
Thank you again :) You've helped me so much with these comments.
the phouka goes ROAR..politelybardiphoukaMay 22 2011, 05:58:31 UTC
first of all, listen to keppiehed and stop apologising. Your story is your child, getting all grown up and ready to walk down the block all on their own.
I have never been an assassin myself. I would wonder though why he would carry out an assassination when there was the potential for collateral damage. However, rather than lead me away from the story it intrigued me as to why he carried through with it. Which is a mark that the rest of the story was well written. I want more.
Re: the phouka goes ROAR..politelyopenedlocketMay 23 2011, 02:52:19 UTC
I will, thank you for the advice. I really should just let the story stand on its own. :)
I've been thinking about continuing this just to make this more clear so I'll keep what you said in mind. Maybe it's something I can answer in the next installment of this story. Thank you again :D
Hey, OL! We meet again on the editing field. It looks like everyone else tagged you on the apology, so all I’m gonna say to that is word, ditto, and carry on. *grins*
Anyway, your edit:
Remorse had no place in his life.
NICE setup line here! I think the biggest trick to making that intermediate prompt work as selecting a line that was general enough to work as opening and closing, but that also gave you a place to expand from. You did that perfectly here, well played!
Frankly, David thought that feelings of any sort were absoluetely useless and only served to keep him from getting anything done.Love the building of character here. The reader gets an immediate sense of how cynical David is and it makes them question the causes behind it. One tiny spelling error here: “absolutely”. I hate typing that word. Just misspelled it this morning in a comment reply and was like, “Uuuugh… damn all those L’s and E’s!!!” But just try (if you’ve the time) to toss your work through a quick spell check and that’ll take care of things
( ... )
Nice to see you again :) *bows head in humility* I've learned my lesson.
Oh, that first line took forever for me to setup. I constantly changed it back and forth in my head for at least two days. I'm glad to know that payed off.
One week it's missing words, now it's misspells. It's funny that seem to have at least one tendency in writing errors every week. Thank you for pointing those out :D
And thank you, most of all for the heartwarming words of encouragement. I'm really glad to know I've been improving these past few weeks. I'll be working hard to keep it up :)
I finally read this! :D Sorry I took so long to read :( I love it (as you know I love everything you write anyway) Feeling super bad for the kid, and I'm sure David feels horrible about it. Every man killed leaves family behind--that's what David should think about before he kills, if you ask me. That's what ANYONE should think before they kill. Any, great job! Awaiting your next piece xD
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Thank you again :) You've helped me so much with these comments.
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Just saying.
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Thanks for telling me!
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I have never been an assassin myself. I would wonder though why he would carry out an assassination when there was the potential for collateral damage. However, rather than lead me away from the story it intrigued me as to why he carried through with it. Which is a mark that the rest of the story was well written. I want more.
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I've been thinking about continuing this just to make this more clear so I'll keep what you said in mind. Maybe it's something I can answer in the next installment of this story. Thank you again :D
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Anyway, your edit:
Remorse had no place in his life.
NICE setup line here! I think the biggest trick to making that intermediate prompt work as selecting a line that was general enough to work as opening and closing, but that also gave you a place to expand from. You did that perfectly here, well played!
Frankly, David thought that feelings of any sort were absoluetely useless and only served to keep him from getting anything done.Love the building of character here. The reader gets an immediate sense of how cynical David is and it makes them question the causes behind it. One tiny spelling error here: “absolutely”. I hate typing that word. Just misspelled it this morning in a comment reply and was like, “Uuuugh… damn all those L’s and E’s!!!” But just try (if you’ve the time) to toss your work through a quick spell check and that’ll take care of things ( ... )
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Oh, that first line took forever for me to setup. I constantly changed it back and forth in my head for at least two days. I'm glad to know that payed off.
One week it's missing words, now it's misspells. It's funny that seem to have at least one tendency in writing errors every week. Thank you for pointing those out :D
And thank you, most of all for the heartwarming words of encouragement. I'm really glad to know I've been improving these past few weeks. I'll be working hard to keep it up :)
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I love it (as you know I love everything you write anyway) Feeling super bad for the kid, and I'm sure David feels horrible about it. Every man killed leaves family behind--that's what David should think about before he kills, if you ask me. That's what ANYONE should think before they kill.
Any, great job! Awaiting your next piece xD
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Thank you so much :) Well, he doesn't really want to think about it seeing it could make him all soft and hesitant and feel guilty and etc.
But you're right. Aloha means family, and family means... =))
>:D
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