(no subject)
JsentryH (5:57:46 PM): But I am actually glad I went to that place
LinZAAAY (5:57:55 PM): really?
JsentryH (5:58:45 PM): You don't have to be very observant to know that I'm extremely analytical, perhaps overly so... I think about shit over and over again until I understand something or run out of ideas, and then I just rehash what I have figured out
JsentryH (5:58:59 PM): And I was in such a state that I'd even quit doing that.
JsentryH (5:59:02 PM): I didn't think
JsentryH (5:59:33 PM): My body just went through these habitual motions of moving around and sometimes getting up, sometimes practicing hygiene and eating, but I wasn't even really conscious of my surroundings much
LinZAAAY (5:59:46 PM): ive been there before.
LinZAAAY (5:59:52 PM): its the worst feeling in the world
JsentryH (6:01:24 PM): Yeah. And I knew shit was just coming to a head and I could see the ultimate end of the road and where I would be if I didn't change and it just got closer and closer to that point, but I have this idea that nothing is really worth it. All the sex, all the drugs, all the thrills. Nothing in life could make it worth it.
LinZAAAY (6:02:16 PM): you can change that tho. and youre right. its not easy. i was there a year ago. and now im better than i was. i still have my days and i still get down and sometimes i wish it was over, but ultimately, im ok
JsentryH (6:03:49 PM): And it's not like I was trapped in, it's not like I didn't have a hundred options and things I could do. I guess maybe I am trapped in, trapped in by my own ideas and concepts that have become so deeply rooted in my thought process it's just killing me. After they gave me some drugs and lived in close quarters with some seriously fucked up people with real fucking problems and terrible life experiences and was able to actually communicate again and started thinking... I realized a lot of things.
JsentryH (6:05:21 PM): I can see now how we form our own truths and beliefs and anything that happens in our lives to support that belief, it reinforces it. We think about those things and it justifies our beliefs. And then when something happens contrary to that belief, we either ignore it and even if we are aware of it, it just doesn't have the weight like the experiences that reinforce our self-imposed beliefs.
JsentryH (6:05:46 PM): And I have even come to accept that it might be possible to change those beliefs ourselves... consciously...
LinZAAAY (6:06:02 PM): good.
JsentryH (6:06:23 PM): But that takes so much fucking effort every minute of the day and wow I'd really rather not do that, I think maybe I'd rather just veg out.
LinZAAAY (6:06:25 PM): whats scary, is that ive been where you are.. and were. and it makes me sad.
LinZAAAY (6:06:39 PM): i remember all too well the way i felt
JsentryH (6:06:56 PM): Yeah yeah, we've all been though some shit we all know how it feels
JsentryH (6:09:56 PM): Everyone has terrible experiences and mine haven't be so bad compared to a lot of people's and I've had an extremely easy life with all the opportunities in the world and somehow through all that I still decided that it has't been worth it so far and chances are I'm going to have a lot worse things happen to me and I'm going to get into situations where I can't get out and there's nowhere to go and nothing to do and if I don't want to live then, I don't see how I will find it worth it after those inevitable things.
JsentryH (6:10:52 PM): errr, instead of "if I don't want to live then" it should be *if I don't want to live NOW
JsentryH (6:11:50 PM): Okay, I'm done
LinZAAAY (5:57:55 PM): really?
JsentryH (5:58:45 PM): You don't have to be very observant to know that I'm extremely analytical, perhaps overly so... I think about shit over and over again until I understand something or run out of ideas, and then I just rehash what I have figured out
JsentryH (5:58:59 PM): And I was in such a state that I'd even quit doing that.
JsentryH (5:59:02 PM): I didn't think
JsentryH (5:59:33 PM): My body just went through these habitual motions of moving around and sometimes getting up, sometimes practicing hygiene and eating, but I wasn't even really conscious of my surroundings much
LinZAAAY (5:59:46 PM): ive been there before.
LinZAAAY (5:59:52 PM): its the worst feeling in the world
JsentryH (6:01:24 PM): Yeah. And I knew shit was just coming to a head and I could see the ultimate end of the road and where I would be if I didn't change and it just got closer and closer to that point, but I have this idea that nothing is really worth it. All the sex, all the drugs, all the thrills. Nothing in life could make it worth it.
LinZAAAY (6:02:16 PM): you can change that tho. and youre right. its not easy. i was there a year ago. and now im better than i was. i still have my days and i still get down and sometimes i wish it was over, but ultimately, im ok
JsentryH (6:03:49 PM): And it's not like I was trapped in, it's not like I didn't have a hundred options and things I could do. I guess maybe I am trapped in, trapped in by my own ideas and concepts that have become so deeply rooted in my thought process it's just killing me. After they gave me some drugs and lived in close quarters with some seriously fucked up people with real fucking problems and terrible life experiences and was able to actually communicate again and started thinking... I realized a lot of things.
JsentryH (6:05:21 PM): I can see now how we form our own truths and beliefs and anything that happens in our lives to support that belief, it reinforces it. We think about those things and it justifies our beliefs. And then when something happens contrary to that belief, we either ignore it and even if we are aware of it, it just doesn't have the weight like the experiences that reinforce our self-imposed beliefs.
JsentryH (6:05:46 PM): And I have even come to accept that it might be possible to change those beliefs ourselves... consciously...
LinZAAAY (6:06:02 PM): good.
JsentryH (6:06:23 PM): But that takes so much fucking effort every minute of the day and wow I'd really rather not do that, I think maybe I'd rather just veg out.
LinZAAAY (6:06:25 PM): whats scary, is that ive been where you are.. and were. and it makes me sad.
LinZAAAY (6:06:39 PM): i remember all too well the way i felt
JsentryH (6:06:56 PM): Yeah yeah, we've all been though some shit we all know how it feels
JsentryH (6:09:56 PM): Everyone has terrible experiences and mine haven't be so bad compared to a lot of people's and I've had an extremely easy life with all the opportunities in the world and somehow through all that I still decided that it has't been worth it so far and chances are I'm going to have a lot worse things happen to me and I'm going to get into situations where I can't get out and there's nowhere to go and nothing to do and if I don't want to live then, I don't see how I will find it worth it after those inevitable things.
JsentryH (6:10:52 PM): errr, instead of "if I don't want to live then" it should be *if I don't want to live NOW
JsentryH (6:11:50 PM): Okay, I'm done