There I was.
I am everything that My parents were when they conceived me; all of their flaws were reflected through me. I could not defend myself as a child because my mother did not defend herself from my father's drunken anger. I go along with anything that my parents and others want me to because my decisions were taken from me when I was circumcised. I became addicted to meth simply because my father allowed himself to become addicted to alcohol. I knew no better than my parents did because they never realized any different.
For years I have suffered through pain,guilt, powerlessness and fear and never have exceeded those things because I did not understand how to. I was never taught to overcome those things, simply ignore them and hope that things will get better on their own.
Becoming a craniosacral therapist and becoming a part of the Faerie community has taught me that I can overcome those things. I have learned that I am so much more than this human body, that there is more to my awareness that I could not understand due to limited insight and lack of knowledge from those around me. I will never be able to teach these things to others, but hope that my presence as I am now will help them see the potential of what they really are.
THis past week has been such an awakening experience to the potential of who I am, who I will be and who I was. The healing I am undergoing has been a scary experience, but the fear of it has not dissuaded me from experiencing it. I am more than the sum of my experiences and can now more fully realize how those experiences can help me heal and become more than I am now.
James and I worked today and I held nothing back from the healing that he assisted with today. Without thinking I freely accepted that things have happened and have expelled those things from my body as they came up. I did not question, i did not analyze, I simply allowed what what came up that needed to be healed to be healed how it needed. If that meant laughing, or crying, or screaming, or moving my body as it needed to, then that's what I did. I relinquished control to the universe within me and it simply healed itself. I feel so much better. I feel like I can make decisions and not be controlled by fear, I feel like I am in more control of myself.
I feel so much better, but I know that there is a long ways to go.
For years I have suffered through pain,guilt, powerlessness and fear and never have exceeded those things because I did not understand how to. I was never taught to overcome those things, simply ignore them and hope that things will get better on their own.
Becoming a craniosacral therapist and becoming a part of the Faerie community has taught me that I can overcome those things. I have learned that I am so much more than this human body, that there is more to my awareness that I could not understand due to limited insight and lack of knowledge from those around me. I will never be able to teach these things to others, but hope that my presence as I am now will help them see the potential of what they really are.
THis past week has been such an awakening experience to the potential of who I am, who I will be and who I was. The healing I am undergoing has been a scary experience, but the fear of it has not dissuaded me from experiencing it. I am more than the sum of my experiences and can now more fully realize how those experiences can help me heal and become more than I am now.
James and I worked today and I held nothing back from the healing that he assisted with today. Without thinking I freely accepted that things have happened and have expelled those things from my body as they came up. I did not question, i did not analyze, I simply allowed what what came up that needed to be healed to be healed how it needed. If that meant laughing, or crying, or screaming, or moving my body as it needed to, then that's what I did. I relinquished control to the universe within me and it simply healed itself. I feel so much better. I feel like I can make decisions and not be controlled by fear, I feel like I am in more control of myself.
I feel so much better, but I know that there is a long ways to go.