Here I am.
Very time I get Craniosacral work done I have to analyze my body and find out where the tension is being kept, where is the trauma, where is the blocked, muddy, weighed down space? As I've worked I've noticed that I can not feel most of my insides, meaning my guts. Our organs hold onto out emotional traumas; we are vessels after all, vessels that contain the life energy of the universe. AS I've worked and released the trauma from my vessel I've become more aware of my internal organs. My intestines have been blocked for a while now, which can make a person not eat right, not digest right and become fat and lethargic. Several daemons have taken up residency in my organs. James saw one of them leave my body, so did Anthony. I felt them go as well and I could sense more space and light and openness on the inside of me. My mind feels calmer and I feel like I can handle my day better.
My mother messaged me on Facebook last night asking me if I was okay. At first I seized up and wanted to say everything was okay, because that's what I always do because I don't want her to worry. Her worrying has gotten into my body and made me powerless to actually express myself and as I've gotten rid of the emotional baggage she has impressed on me I've become aware of when I seize up and I've learned to identify what are my tur feelings and what are the feelings of tohers lodged in my body.
I told her the truth, that I'm not ok, that I'm going through some stuff and that there's nothing she can do to help. I'm coming to realize that this is my life. She gave it to me. And just like anything we give as a gift we have to let it go. Jesus teaches that. God gave us the gift of free will and we can either ruin that gift or use it as a powerful weapon to help heal and nurture and guide ourselves into enlightenment. She asked if there was anything she could do I I told her, "Yes, You can let go, not worry, not be concerned and let me heal and be on my own with this." SHe then said it was her right to worry. I froze up again, but realized that it is not a right. it's an issue she has that she isn't dealing with. Kind of like me and my cats. I used to worry when they went outside. I didn't want them to get hurt. What kind of bullshit is that? They have claws, they have senses and they must learn on their own how to survive. They have Bobbette to teach them and the have their instincts. My mother's worrying caused me to not want to do anything to keep her from worrying. I didn't go out late, I didn't go to concerts, I hate traveling anywhere because I knew that My mother was worrying. Now it's time for me to release that into the earth and let that go. Hopefully she'll realize that I can take care of myself and that I haev so much help from not just people, but the universe.
It's time for me to let go of all of this crap and heal. All of the anger and violence from my childhood, all of the fear doing anything because it would make my father angry, all of it. My father's anger has nothing to do with me. I do'nt want it anymore.
I'm feeling healthier and very frightened right now. Fear has controled me my holwe life. I've been afraid to tell people what I want, what I need, I've been afraid to tell myself what I want and what I need. Fear must be conquered not given into.
It's MY life. MINE and no one else's to control or manipulate. Today is a very scary day.
My mother messaged me on Facebook last night asking me if I was okay. At first I seized up and wanted to say everything was okay, because that's what I always do because I don't want her to worry. Her worrying has gotten into my body and made me powerless to actually express myself and as I've gotten rid of the emotional baggage she has impressed on me I've become aware of when I seize up and I've learned to identify what are my tur feelings and what are the feelings of tohers lodged in my body.
I told her the truth, that I'm not ok, that I'm going through some stuff and that there's nothing she can do to help. I'm coming to realize that this is my life. She gave it to me. And just like anything we give as a gift we have to let it go. Jesus teaches that. God gave us the gift of free will and we can either ruin that gift or use it as a powerful weapon to help heal and nurture and guide ourselves into enlightenment. She asked if there was anything she could do I I told her, "Yes, You can let go, not worry, not be concerned and let me heal and be on my own with this." SHe then said it was her right to worry. I froze up again, but realized that it is not a right. it's an issue she has that she isn't dealing with. Kind of like me and my cats. I used to worry when they went outside. I didn't want them to get hurt. What kind of bullshit is that? They have claws, they have senses and they must learn on their own how to survive. They have Bobbette to teach them and the have their instincts. My mother's worrying caused me to not want to do anything to keep her from worrying. I didn't go out late, I didn't go to concerts, I hate traveling anywhere because I knew that My mother was worrying. Now it's time for me to release that into the earth and let that go. Hopefully she'll realize that I can take care of myself and that I haev so much help from not just people, but the universe.
It's time for me to let go of all of this crap and heal. All of the anger and violence from my childhood, all of the fear doing anything because it would make my father angry, all of it. My father's anger has nothing to do with me. I do'nt want it anymore.
I'm feeling healthier and very frightened right now. Fear has controled me my holwe life. I've been afraid to tell people what I want, what I need, I've been afraid to tell myself what I want and what I need. Fear must be conquered not given into.
It's MY life. MINE and no one else's to control or manipulate. Today is a very scary day.