(no subject)
Two years ago I went to see my buddies' band and fell in love with one of their songs. I've been pretty vocal about how much I like it so the buddy who wrote it plays it for me on a regular basis, even though that band no longer exists.
For the past few months the same friend has made it clear he wants to make music with me. I've brushed it off because I'm not a musician. (He is, and one I enjoy listening to.) I cannot play an instrument and I cannot sing in tune. He's been pretty insistent though, to the point where I'd started to feel both bad about disappointing him and resigned to the fact that he was somehow going to win this one.
And now he has. Two weeks ago he told me I should write the third verse to that song I like. I told him I'd give it a shot, but reminded him I wasn't a songwriter. As in I've never attempted to write a song, nor do I fully understand the mechanics of doing so. But what the hell, it's a fun little punk song, how hard could it be?
Writing it went pretty well -- he liked most of what I came up with. Last week I handed him a draft and assumed he'd make the necessary adjustments to make it fit the rest of the song. This week one of the members of his new band reminded me that their first show is next weekend and they needed me to finish the song before then. I asked him what was going on; I'd thought I was done. Of course not. He'd lost the draft almost immediately and so decided to gave me a crash course in songwriting.
I'm still not a songwriter and telling me that syllables are important won't change that. But I emailed him (hopefully harder to lose than paper) another version tonight. They're pretty serious about music and I'm just not a musician. I've never written anything for anyone to perform and this is a song he's played in public for years now. They're opening for an amazing band that always crowds the bar. Obviously it's just a couple of local bands playing at a bar but it didn't occur to me I'd be putting myself out there in this way. Well, in any way. I'm a little excited and and a little nervous.
Sitting at the bar, discussing all of this in between sets, I started to think about how important relationships and connections are. I'm having a wonderful upswing in creativity and that's largely due to my relationship with this group of people. I've always been pretty creative, but in the past several years most of my friends haven't been. It's hard to collaborate with people who aren't making things and after awhile it's hard to talk about what I'm doing with people who can't reciprocate. Even though we're not necessarily creative in the same ways, everyone in this relatively new group of friends has a passion for something. I appreciate it.
It also makes me think about how much easier it is to have this social network in place. I arrived at the bar early this week and still had two people there I wanted to see and a couple others I could have enjoyed talking to. I didn't have to sit alone and wait for my evening to start. I wound up spending time with about a dozen different people before I left.
When I first came to this bar two years ago, I didn't know anyone other than the friends I had come to watch. I've never been very social and being in a crowd of strangers, trying to make myself heard over the music, or trying to hear someone else, was terrifying. I only came out when the band played every couple of months. When they broke up I didn't come back for about six months. And then another three months passed before my next visit. When I did come back the bartender remembered I like tequila and a couple of the locals remembered my name. I'd somehow formed the beginnings of friendships without being aware of it, without trying. I'd managed this while feeling frightened and out of place.
I don't think of myself as a warm or friendly person. I'm happy being alone and I typically prefer being with a small group of close friends. I don't really make an effort to meet new people or make friends with those I do meet. Or remember their names. I can be quick to judge and I've been known to ask after being introduced to someone new if that person is really important enough to warrant an effort on my part. Apparently this is an excellent method of making friends. (For the record, I do make a real effort to treat people well once we become friends.)
I am there every Wednesday and the occasional Friday or Saturday now. Not only do I have multiple places to stay when I'm too drunk to drive home, I feel comfortable sleeping away from home. I haven't been able to say that in a very long time. I've been doing this every week since March, but I still think about how lucky I am and wonder just how this happened. I am very unhappy about many aspects of my life right now, but that just makes it all the more amazing that I have been able to create something so positive and loving.
For the past few months the same friend has made it clear he wants to make music with me. I've brushed it off because I'm not a musician. (He is, and one I enjoy listening to.) I cannot play an instrument and I cannot sing in tune. He's been pretty insistent though, to the point where I'd started to feel both bad about disappointing him and resigned to the fact that he was somehow going to win this one.
And now he has. Two weeks ago he told me I should write the third verse to that song I like. I told him I'd give it a shot, but reminded him I wasn't a songwriter. As in I've never attempted to write a song, nor do I fully understand the mechanics of doing so. But what the hell, it's a fun little punk song, how hard could it be?
Writing it went pretty well -- he liked most of what I came up with. Last week I handed him a draft and assumed he'd make the necessary adjustments to make it fit the rest of the song. This week one of the members of his new band reminded me that their first show is next weekend and they needed me to finish the song before then. I asked him what was going on; I'd thought I was done. Of course not. He'd lost the draft almost immediately and so decided to gave me a crash course in songwriting.
I'm still not a songwriter and telling me that syllables are important won't change that. But I emailed him (hopefully harder to lose than paper) another version tonight. They're pretty serious about music and I'm just not a musician. I've never written anything for anyone to perform and this is a song he's played in public for years now. They're opening for an amazing band that always crowds the bar. Obviously it's just a couple of local bands playing at a bar but it didn't occur to me I'd be putting myself out there in this way. Well, in any way. I'm a little excited and and a little nervous.
Sitting at the bar, discussing all of this in between sets, I started to think about how important relationships and connections are. I'm having a wonderful upswing in creativity and that's largely due to my relationship with this group of people. I've always been pretty creative, but in the past several years most of my friends haven't been. It's hard to collaborate with people who aren't making things and after awhile it's hard to talk about what I'm doing with people who can't reciprocate. Even though we're not necessarily creative in the same ways, everyone in this relatively new group of friends has a passion for something. I appreciate it.
It also makes me think about how much easier it is to have this social network in place. I arrived at the bar early this week and still had two people there I wanted to see and a couple others I could have enjoyed talking to. I didn't have to sit alone and wait for my evening to start. I wound up spending time with about a dozen different people before I left.
When I first came to this bar two years ago, I didn't know anyone other than the friends I had come to watch. I've never been very social and being in a crowd of strangers, trying to make myself heard over the music, or trying to hear someone else, was terrifying. I only came out when the band played every couple of months. When they broke up I didn't come back for about six months. And then another three months passed before my next visit. When I did come back the bartender remembered I like tequila and a couple of the locals remembered my name. I'd somehow formed the beginnings of friendships without being aware of it, without trying. I'd managed this while feeling frightened and out of place.
I don't think of myself as a warm or friendly person. I'm happy being alone and I typically prefer being with a small group of close friends. I don't really make an effort to meet new people or make friends with those I do meet. Or remember their names. I can be quick to judge and I've been known to ask after being introduced to someone new if that person is really important enough to warrant an effort on my part. Apparently this is an excellent method of making friends. (For the record, I do make a real effort to treat people well once we become friends.)
I am there every Wednesday and the occasional Friday or Saturday now. Not only do I have multiple places to stay when I'm too drunk to drive home, I feel comfortable sleeping away from home. I haven't been able to say that in a very long time. I've been doing this every week since March, but I still think about how lucky I am and wonder just how this happened. I am very unhappy about many aspects of my life right now, but that just makes it all the more amazing that I have been able to create something so positive and loving.