*fingle* I do understand your frustration and hope you do tell her (once again) exactly how her 'nagging' (constant reminders) make you feel. I'm sure you're not alone and can get some commiseration from your siblings :). When that doesn't change her ways (because in all honesty, it's tough to teach an old dog new tricks ;) - is that an accurate saying or is that myth? heh) you may have to just resort to saying something agreeable (every time) like 'yep, I know what you mean, and I'm working on it (whatever the task is) XD'. Every once in awhile admit to her that you're feeling overwhelmed atm (if you are when she calls) and that you know such and such has to be done but are working out priorities. There's all sorts of combinations of things you can say to her. It seems in her blood/nature to be constantly 'on top' of things and as you pointed out she is financially responsible for you for now so imo it's appropriate that you cut her some slack and remember that she's not perfect either and that she loves you (I'm so glad you understand and know that now)
Yes I probably should bring it up properly and really try to explain how I feel about it. I'm just so bad at being open about my true feelings *grimace* It's really difficult for me to admit that I feel bad (it's one thing in here on LJ where I know only people who are genuinely interested in hearing me whining will read it - it's another thing elsewhere...). I'm getting better at expressing my true feelings but it's terribly frustrating that when I do [to my mum] it's forgotten again the next day and it's like I never talked about my problems (or feelings... or whatever) to her at all. I don't (and I can't at this point because expressing these things are SO difficult!) want to repeat myself every single time I talk to her. No only loves the difficult kid that only knows how to whine about their pathetic life at all times *shrug*
I do try to tell her that I have a lot on my plate and that I'm always tired because I feel like I have so much to do. Problem is that she usually goes "oh but this will only take you ten minutes!". I've tried to explain to her that no, things that takes ten minutes for HER doesn't take ten minutes for ME. I live with rather sever depression and my start motor needs warming up and cooling down (meaning I need to pep myself forever before a task (any task) and I need quite long recovery after, even for the most "easy" things like doing the dishes. Everything takes forever for me to do). But yeah she doesn't get it... We're so very different. She's the most efficient person I know (and most people have said this about her actually so that's not just in my head haha) and I'm like... the slowest... And often I think she just thinks I'm lazy... okay that's me putting thoughts in her head (that a negative automatic thought and that process is called "mind reading" (<--ah the wonders of therapy XDXDXD)) but just some time ago she talked about me being similar to my dad in that way. And she always thought my dad was incredibly lazy (this at least she has literally expressed - and then she compared me to him. In my head that's her saying "aren't you just being lazy?") And that hurts a bit... because I never really consider myself lazy (not in that way, playful lazy and lazy like typing "btw" instead of "by the way" and.. you know... but not LAZY lazy!)
Gah rambling and now I lost my train of thought XDXD
Anyway... for the dog saying... I wouldn't say that's true exactly. It's not hard to teach a dog completely NEW tricks. But with some older dogs it can be difficult to adjust/change habits they already have. So in a way the saying is correct but I would probably want to change the wording XD (don't know into what though haha)
It's not easy (and wouldn't be for me either) to explain something negative to someone (especially your mother - I cringe and take a deep breath every time I'm in the position of having to do that...). An example of this would be that I have had to reinforce over and over my views on some of my mom's ... prejudices that I do NOT share. I won't get into an argument with her (it's proven to be pointless, though over the years she has mellowed a bit and possibly because she has some respect for my views) - I've voiced my opinions in the past on her bigotist outbursts at something on TV or from a magazine or whatever (about politics, jewish people, black people, gay people etc... /sigh) but now she can tell by either my 'lack of reaction' or rather by how stiffly I'm sitting/standing etc. and by my schooled facial expression that I'm not thrilled by whatever it is she's just said and then she'll try to soften her words or backpeddle because she knows that I don't put up with those kinds of thoughts and (while I love her) don't respect them at all. I know my example is very different from what you're talking about with your mom but I guess I just wanted to let you know you're not alone in dealing with a sometimes difficult parent that doesn't always listen and has to be reminded over and over...
You are not lazy btw by any stretch of the imagination and even more so because you need to prepare yourself emotionally to get stuff done. You get more done many days than lots of people I know, including me. We live in a time where there are just waaay too many things to do and responsibilities. Today I didn't get out of bed (ok I had to take my son to school but then got right back in to bed ;)) until almost 1p. This is the second day in a row that I've been feeling a bit overwhelmed myself [with bills that have to be paid and other forms and stuff that have to be filled out and other stuff oh and my house needs cleaning and I'm behind on all the laundry :(] and have sought refuge in curling up under the nice, warm covers and procrastinating dozing my responsibilities away. I've been through this before and know I will get out of it and will feel 100 times better once I get the stuff I need to done but every once in a while I let things pile up to where I get so overwhelmed I don't know where to begin (I'm out of checks, which I need to pay these bills..., and didn't realize it so I'm waiting for a box to arrive early next week). So anyway, this is supposed to be about commiserating and lending you support and I'm not doing a good job here, sorry about that :/. It feels like a small weight is off though typing this stuff out. I'm glad you're there to read/listen - you're good at that too :). Thank you my friend ~
Ugh that sounds a lot like my grandmother (mother's mother (still weird that there are only one word for two different grandmothers in english haha I can't get over that)). She has all these terrible comments about black people, gay people, mentally ill people and so on... But her I have given up on *laugh* We just don't get along - never has. I'm probably her least favourite grandchild (out of 12) but that's okay. I avoid her as much as I can so we only meet sometimes during some kind of family event (gonna meet her at christmas though... not completely looking forward to that but hopefully I can just "disappear in the crowd"). I just tune her out when she gets too bad actually. XDXD She's also quite a lot like my mum >.> Which is sad because I know mum doesn't want to turn out like her own mother but she's on the way already >.< A couple of years ago when I happened to spend christmas at my uncle's house she was there too and one thing she asked the three of her children that was present was "just WHY haven't any one of you taken the Nobel Prixze yet? I want to go to the Nobel dinner!". And she was all serious and accusing about it. Talk about putting pressure on your kids *rolls eyes* (I asked her all kindly that if she wanted to go to the dinner so badly - why didn't she take the prize herself? XD (she got upset at me about that of course))
*fingle* My journal is your journal *lopsided smile* (that sounded nice haha) I think you're doing a good job, I always feel like you're supporting me (I seriously don't know what I would do without you sometimes) and I like when you tell me about your own days and mothers and stuff ;) I also have bills I need to pay. >.> I also have to ask mum for extra money to pay them >.< gah! At least I did the laundry today so that's out of the way *chuckle* I think it's okay to procrastinate (wow I don't think I've actually ever typed that word before, did I even get it right? XDXD) sometimes. As you say, we live in very busy times and it's not so strange that our brain "shut down" a bit now and then. There's just too much to process so then it's better to do nothing for a bit and just digest everything (otherwise it will just come back up and it's not nice to swallow again - we're not cows after all haha (<--what are you talking about now Dragonwolf? *facepalms*))
I totally missed your response above in my e-mail feed for some reason - so I just saw it now as I was scanning through my LJ inbox. Sometimes when I clean my outlook e-mail inbox I sometimes mistakenly delete stuff I haven't read yet /sigh.
I don't quite know what to say about your grandmother... um XD but my hope for her is that she has redeeming qualities you're not entirely aware of :).
Thank you *fingle*. I know that's how you feel and sometimes, especially after I've written my own thing in your journal I just want to acknowledge and remind you that your feedback and input into 'my stuff' is important to me too and very much appreciated. You are my good friend.
interesting and effective 'cow' analogy there btw XD
'procrastinate' is a great word in the english language - one of my favorites! haha.
We're going to my mom's for Thanksgiving tomorrow and I'll get to see my nephew (and godson! X3) again. He's such a cute little boy (18 months) and is growing so fast as I'm sure you know from recently watching your little brother grow. How old is he now?
I would be surprised if my grandmother "redeemed" herself. *small smile* I'm quite fine with keeping my distance with her. It's not like I hate her, I just try to avoid talking to her as much as possible since she usually try to make me feel like shit *shrug* Just not worth it.
*fingle*
Pfft XDXD Dunno where the cow-thing came from XDXD
I didn't even know what that meant until I started to talk with you XD izzy also use it quite a lot but I totally learnt that word in the FC XDXD (like so many others, the FC is awesome for my english *chuckle*)
I hope you had a great time! My little brother will be two years old soon. I totally feel like I haven't met him enough... He probably has no clue about who I am. >.> I should try to schedule a trip south to meet dad's family...
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I do try to tell her that I have a lot on my plate and that I'm always tired because I feel like I have so much to do. Problem is that she usually goes "oh but this will only take you ten minutes!".
I've tried to explain to her that no, things that takes ten minutes for HER doesn't take ten minutes for ME. I live with rather sever depression and my start motor needs warming up and cooling down (meaning I need to pep myself forever before a task (any task) and I need quite long recovery after, even for the most "easy" things like doing the dishes. Everything takes forever for me to do). But yeah she doesn't get it... We're so very different. She's the most efficient person I know (and most people have said this about her actually so that's not just in my head haha) and I'm like... the slowest...
And often I think she just thinks I'm lazy... okay that's me putting thoughts in her head (that a negative automatic thought and that process is called "mind reading" (<--ah the wonders of therapy XDXDXD)) but just some time ago she talked about me being similar to my dad in that way. And she always thought my dad was incredibly lazy (this at least she has literally expressed - and then she compared me to him. In my head that's her saying "aren't you just being lazy?")
And that hurts a bit... because I never really consider myself lazy (not in that way, playful lazy and lazy like typing "btw" instead of "by the way" and.. you know... but not LAZY lazy!)
Gah rambling and now I lost my train of thought XDXD
Anyway... for the dog saying... I wouldn't say that's true exactly. It's not hard to teach a dog completely NEW tricks. But with some older dogs it can be difficult to adjust/change habits they already have. So in a way the saying is correct but I would probably want to change the wording XD (don't know into what though haha)
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You are not lazy btw by any stretch of the imagination and even more so because you need to prepare yourself emotionally to get stuff done. You get more done many days than lots of people I know, including me. We live in a time where there are just waaay too many things to do and responsibilities. Today I didn't get out of bed (ok I had to take my son to school but then got right back in to bed ;)) until almost 1p. This is the second day in a row that I've been feeling a bit overwhelmed myself [with bills that have to be paid and other forms and stuff that have to be filled out and other stuff oh and my house needs cleaning and I'm behind on all the laundry :(] and have sought refuge in curling up under the nice, warm covers and procrastinating dozing my responsibilities away. I've been through this before and know I will get out of it and will feel 100 times better once I get the stuff I need to done but every once in a while I let things pile up to where I get so overwhelmed I don't know where to begin (I'm out of checks, which I need to pay these bills..., and didn't realize it so I'm waiting for a box to arrive early next week). So anyway, this is supposed to be about commiserating and lending you support and I'm not doing a good job here, sorry about that :/. It feels like a small weight is off though typing this stuff out. I'm glad you're there to read/listen - you're good at that too :). Thank you my friend ~
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I just tune her out when she gets too bad actually. XDXD
She's also quite a lot like my mum >.> Which is sad because I know mum doesn't want to turn out like her own mother but she's on the way already >.<
A couple of years ago when I happened to spend christmas at my uncle's house she was there too and one thing she asked the three of her children that was present was "just WHY haven't any one of you taken the Nobel Prixze yet? I want to go to the Nobel dinner!". And she was all serious and accusing about it. Talk about putting pressure on your kids *rolls eyes* (I asked her all kindly that if she wanted to go to the dinner so badly - why didn't she take the prize herself? XD (she got upset at me about that of course))
*fingle* My journal is your journal *lopsided smile* (that sounded nice haha) I think you're doing a good job, I always feel like you're supporting me (I seriously don't know what I would do without you sometimes) and I like when you tell me about your own days and mothers and stuff ;)
I also have bills I need to pay. >.> I also have to ask mum for extra money to pay them >.< gah! At least I did the laundry today so that's out of the way *chuckle*
I think it's okay to procrastinate (wow I don't think I've actually ever typed that word before, did I even get it right? XDXD) sometimes. As you say, we live in very busy times and it's not so strange that our brain "shut down" a bit now and then. There's just too much to process so then it's better to do nothing for a bit and just digest everything (otherwise it will just come back up and it's not nice to swallow again - we're not cows after all haha (<--what are you talking about now Dragonwolf? *facepalms*))
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I don't quite know what to say about your grandmother... um XD but my hope for her is that she has redeeming qualities you're not entirely aware of :).
Thank you *fingle*. I know that's how you feel and sometimes, especially after I've written my own thing in your journal I just want to acknowledge and remind you that your feedback and input into 'my stuff' is important to me too and very much appreciated. You are my good friend.
interesting and effective 'cow' analogy there btw XD
'procrastinate' is a great word in the english language - one of my favorites! haha.
We're going to my mom's for Thanksgiving tomorrow and I'll get to see my nephew (and godson! X3) again. He's such a cute little boy (18 months) and is growing so fast as I'm sure you know from recently watching your little brother grow. How old is he now?
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I would be surprised if my grandmother "redeemed" herself. *small smile* I'm quite fine with keeping my distance with her. It's not like I hate her, I just try to avoid talking to her as much as possible since she usually try to make me feel like shit *shrug* Just not worth it.
*fingle*
Pfft XDXD Dunno where the cow-thing came from XDXD
I didn't even know what that meant until I started to talk with you XD izzy also use it quite a lot but I totally learnt that word in the FC XDXD (like so many others, the FC is awesome for my english *chuckle*)
I hope you had a great time! My little brother will be two years old soon. I totally feel like I haven't met him enough... He probably has no clue about who I am. >.> I should try to schedule a trip south to meet dad's family...
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