I Did Something I Am Not Proud To Admit
Wanna know what it was?
I read the Twilight series. Everyone I know had been harping on and on and on about it. At first, I was quite reluctant. I'd heard bits about the plot and characters and it didn't entirely attract me. I mean, it's a love story essentially, and My Summer of Love notwithstanding, I don't do love stories. But vampires, different matter. So more and more people told me to read it, and I caved.
Lord, I should remember to always, ALWAYS trust my own instincts.
I hated it.
For a few reasons, naturally. Lets peruse the list, shall we?
1. Stephenie Meyer completely messes with all mythological basis for vampires. The "vampires" in her book sparkle in the daylight. WTF? Vampires don't sparkle, they burst into god-damn flames and die. I realise she was taking some literary license, but to turn on YEARS of accepted mythology makes it all seem a little arrogant.
2. Bella has some serious fucking problems. She's incredibly pretentious and rude. She spends a good portion of the first book raving incessantly about how Forks is boring, and everyone is boring, and so far beneath her standards. They're all BORING and stupid and BORING and kill me now. Even when people are extending their friendship, she merely sniffs at it. Next problem? It takes her only a few days to fall in love with Edward and want to spend the rest of eternity with him. Defined-through-relationship much? The entire series is built around the fact that in this short span of time, she meets Edward, falls in everlasting love with him, decides she wants to be a vampire, coerces him and his family into giving her what she wants, and basically making her ACTUAL family feel really bad about it. If I had known Bella Swan, I would have beaten the shit out of her.
3. Edward is a creepy stalker. Like, woah. He sniffs people all the time. He lingers outside houses, waits in trees, doesn't play nice with males in Bella's life. But, creepy SNIFFING. Ew.
4. Jacob Black is a pedophile. He falls in love with an infant. INFANT. Like someone my little sister's age falling in love with my son. Shall I summon the chorus? EEEWWWWWWW. There's nothing OK about it, werewolf or not. Infants do not have those sorts of relationships. Sorry, Jacob. You weren't that bad for a small portion of the series, but then you fucking IMPRINTED ON A BABY.
5. Renesmee. Really? Why didn't Edward tell her that name was shit-house?
6. On a different note, I found the entire series quite slow-moving. I don't think Breaking Dawn should have been so long, they could have cut about a third of the book out. It's definitely not my style of writing. I like something fast-paced, unapologetic, and with at least one central character that has SOME redeeming quality. Interestingly, my twin read Meyer's other book, The Host, and said it was ridiculously bad. I'm not overly surprised.
So, clearly, I'm not a fan of this series. But now, when I get into arguments with people about how SHIT Twilight is, they can't say, "You haven't read it, you don't know." Because I have. And it still sucked. Like the t-shirt says, kids...
"And then Buffy staked Edward. The End."
I read the Twilight series. Everyone I know had been harping on and on and on about it. At first, I was quite reluctant. I'd heard bits about the plot and characters and it didn't entirely attract me. I mean, it's a love story essentially, and My Summer of Love notwithstanding, I don't do love stories. But vampires, different matter. So more and more people told me to read it, and I caved.
Lord, I should remember to always, ALWAYS trust my own instincts.
I hated it.
For a few reasons, naturally. Lets peruse the list, shall we?
1. Stephenie Meyer completely messes with all mythological basis for vampires. The "vampires" in her book sparkle in the daylight. WTF? Vampires don't sparkle, they burst into god-damn flames and die. I realise she was taking some literary license, but to turn on YEARS of accepted mythology makes it all seem a little arrogant.
2. Bella has some serious fucking problems. She's incredibly pretentious and rude. She spends a good portion of the first book raving incessantly about how Forks is boring, and everyone is boring, and so far beneath her standards. They're all BORING and stupid and BORING and kill me now. Even when people are extending their friendship, she merely sniffs at it. Next problem? It takes her only a few days to fall in love with Edward and want to spend the rest of eternity with him. Defined-through-relationship much? The entire series is built around the fact that in this short span of time, she meets Edward, falls in everlasting love with him, decides she wants to be a vampire, coerces him and his family into giving her what she wants, and basically making her ACTUAL family feel really bad about it. If I had known Bella Swan, I would have beaten the shit out of her.
3. Edward is a creepy stalker. Like, woah. He sniffs people all the time. He lingers outside houses, waits in trees, doesn't play nice with males in Bella's life. But, creepy SNIFFING. Ew.
4. Jacob Black is a pedophile. He falls in love with an infant. INFANT. Like someone my little sister's age falling in love with my son. Shall I summon the chorus? EEEWWWWWWW. There's nothing OK about it, werewolf or not. Infants do not have those sorts of relationships. Sorry, Jacob. You weren't that bad for a small portion of the series, but then you fucking IMPRINTED ON A BABY.
5. Renesmee. Really? Why didn't Edward tell her that name was shit-house?
6. On a different note, I found the entire series quite slow-moving. I don't think Breaking Dawn should have been so long, they could have cut about a third of the book out. It's definitely not my style of writing. I like something fast-paced, unapologetic, and with at least one central character that has SOME redeeming quality. Interestingly, my twin read Meyer's other book, The Host, and said it was ridiculously bad. I'm not overly surprised.
So, clearly, I'm not a fan of this series. But now, when I get into arguments with people about how SHIT Twilight is, they can't say, "You haven't read it, you don't know." Because I have. And it still sucked. Like the t-shirt says, kids...
"And then Buffy staked Edward. The End."