im so fucked up

[ontheoutside10]

so i was listening to one of my cds on the way home from snyder beach on monday morning and a song came on that kinda made me think....so i went home and listened to it some more (over and over and over again) - - -

and it takes more time
than ive ever had
drains the life from me
makes me want to forget
as young as i was
i felt older back then
more discipline
stronger and certain
but i was scared to death of eternitty
i was saved by grace
but destroyed by naivety
and im lyin to myself
and said it was for the best

and now faith is replaced
with a logic so cold
a disreguard of what i was
now that im older
and i know much more
than i did back then
but the more i learn
the more i can't understand
and ive become content with this life that i lead
where i drink too much and dont believe in much of anything
and i lied to myself
and say its for the best

we're moving forward
but holding ourselves back
and we're waiting on something
that will never come
- straylight run -

i have no idea what the fuck im doing....