Info Post: The Post Cosmo Wishes It Could Be

[lickety_split]

WOMEN'S HEALTH POST: SEX ED FOR WOMEN (aka TMI Post)

Info posts may contain triggering elements, so please be mindful of the topic and read at your own discretion. Specific triggers and warnings are listed below, but if any additional warnings are needed please don't be shy about making the suggestion. Thanks!

SPECIFIC TRIGGER WARNINGS: Sexual

Comments

[kitbug]

TANGENTIALLY RELATED? IDK. (A)sexuality stuff.

So, it's no big secret in my life that I'm asexual. But I still like to fantasize and/or watch/read porn. I still have a sex drive. It's just... directed at absolutely nothing, so I take care of it myself. This weirds my friends out to no end when the subject comes up.

Also, the next person who tells I can't possibly be asexual if I'm a virgin and don't know if I would like it or not can go fuck themselves with the business end of a rake.

[temperance_k]

+1

I once had a friend blab to a new friend that I identified as asexual (which was funny, because the friend who blabbed had only heard about it from a third friend--I never directly told her), and I was advised to "try masturbation to make sure you actually don't like sex!!"

When I told new friend that some asexual people DO masturbate, his brain basically short-circuited.

It's sad how my most open-minded friends get weirded out by me. :/

[maladaptive]

When I told new friend that some asexual people DO masturbate, his brain basically short-circuited.

Well clearly if you do it alone, you MUST be okay doing it with someone else, too!

Yeah, explaining asexuality to people has been really hard because they just don't get the difference between libido and sexual attraction. They are distinct things, dammit!

[mariechan]

I tried explaining it to my dad because that was something my ex had and it was one of the reasons our relationship didn't work out.

He doesn't even think there's such a thing as being asexual. :/

[mycenaes]

Except for some people, libido and sexual attraction are definitely related. For me, when I get off, I am most certainly thinking about someone I find sexually attractive.

I guess I'm a little perplexed by the idea that they're distinct, when for me, they're not.

[maladaptive]

But as you said they're related - which doesn't mean they're the same, and in some people it's possible for the two to occur separately. Just because they're related and inseparable for most people doesn't mean there aren't two individual components.

[fornikate]

not always. but y'all really seem to be firm on making them that way.

[nicosian]

My cousin identifies as asexual, and it drives her mother utterly barmy.

[kitbug]

The most common response I get when I reveal my asexuality to someone new is "YOU REPRODUCE BY BUDDING? :DDDDDD" and then I have to hit them.

[temperance_k]

Everyone who says that (and I've gotten it too) needs to have every step in their lives lined with unfortunately placed legos, TBH.

[danica_enjolras]

I'll admit that I've had that reaction when one of my friends told me that she's asexual, but, to be fair, it was mostly in retaliation for her going "You're attracted to kitchen equipment? o_O" when I came out to her as pansexual. So in that situation, she kind of had it coming. /css

[rainbow_fish]

Dead, buried, and resurrected @ "the business end of a rake"

[kitbug]

It's my favorite saying ever. :D

[aiffe]

I remember that about the same number of sexual people masturbate as asexual, percentage-wise. Asexuals who don't masturbate aren't "more asexual" than asexuals who do, just like sexual people masturbating or not masturbating has fuck-all to do with their orientation. The sexual fascination with asexuals touching themselves gets on my nerves.

I have such an active fantasy life it took me forever to realize I was asexual. Eventually, I had to draw the line that fantasy was fantasy and reality was reality, and if I had zero interest in fucking real, actual people that made me asexual.

Also, I have had sex, and no, I don't think it's at all necessary if you already know you're asexual. I didn't, but it was kind of a clue that when I was trying to have an orgasm to Do Sex Right, and I was like, "Okay, think your sexiest thoughts," I fantasized about being alone.

Edit: PS, if you do have sex to "prove it," people will just tell you your partner did it wrong, or maybe YOU did it wrong. There's no winning.

[umi_mikazuki]

I'm still not quite sure if I am asexual or not, but that's pretty much how it works for me. I fantasize and I masturbate, and I definitely notice when someone is attractive (my friends know that I have a huge Thing for Daniel Dae Kim), but any real desire to do anything physical with another person, even kissing... meh.

[aiffe]

It took me ages to develop "tastes" in people. I remember being in my early teens or so, and honestly being unable to tell the difference between "attractive" and "fugly." (I mean, some people were obviously fugly, but then some young popular musicians and actors were "attractive" for some and "fugly" for others, and I had no idea where I stood on it.) I mostly just borrowed my mom's tastes, because it was embarrassing to not have anyone to point to and say, "I find this person attractive." My mom is suuuper straight, and likes a fairly manly man, so I thought I liked men and muscles and masculinity, until a few years later when I was like, "....you know, I don't like any of those things. Even a little