Comments | ontd_feminism: Girls’ First Sexual Encounters Are More Likely to Be Unprotected. How About We Ask Why?

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Girls’ First Sexual Encounters Are More Likely to Be Unprotected. How About We Ask Why?

Nov 13, 2010 13:50

Trigger warning for discussions of sexual violence, victim-blaming.

This morning I came across a post at a CNN blog about a new study (which has not yet been peer reviewed) on teen sex and sexual health. The aspect of the study making headlines both at CNN and elsewhere is this: “Girls take more chances during first sex."

( ... )

rape/sexual assault, sex

Comments 13

entelodont November 13 2010, 20:23:42 UTC

I wonder also about the respective ages of first sexual partners. I suspect boys are mostly with girls around their age or younger, whereas girls are more likely to have older partners, sometimes much older. When I was with CPS, I met a number of girls whose first sexual encounters were at the age of 9-11, and their partners tended to be older teen boys and young adults. They were not pleasurable for the girls; for the most part they seemed to expect that sexual pleasure on their end was supposed to be a product of pleasing the boys, not an independently realized or initiated thing. Since they were coerced, they did not classify it as rape, since their understanding of sexual assault involved pure force vs. obvious resistance. And that's the problem, really; children are not taught all the ways in which rape and abuse can manifest. Nor does anyone address the fact that rape culture has taught these girls that pleasing male partners is the be-all, end-all goal of sexual contact, and they truly do believe that so long as the boy or man ( ... )

burningmarl November 13 2010, 20:55:39 UTC

I think you've said everything I wanted to, and more.

My mum is very active in sexual health, non-slut shaming stuff and was through all my teens and she impressed a lot of the above on me (or rather, how to avoid being coerced etc)

paintmeamovie November 13 2010, 21:42:55 UTC

They're stuck in a limbo where they cannot go back to being a "good girl" (read: virgin), and they cannot refuse or set their own boundaries because their sexual history will be used against them if they do.
This so much

mybluesunset November 13 2010, 21:49:46 UTC

So true.

Thread 5

azetburcaptain November 13 2010, 21:30:53 UTC

I think it's related to age. Since girls tend to have older partners as their firsts, the older guys try to talk them out of it, saying things like "I don't like condoms", "if you love me and you trust me you don't need to use a condom".

Also in cases where girls are being educated as "abstinence only" there are a lot of myths circulating around, like "you won't get pregnant your first time".

paintmeamovie November 13 2010, 21:41:11 UTC

I agree with this first paragraph.
I also think its just part of our socializing. we are already taught to be a little more reserved, maybe feeling a little pressured, last thing a young girl wants to do is "nag" about wearing a condom.

nutmegdealer November 13 2010, 21:48:01 UTC

i'm gonna branch out from the rape aspect and throw this out: based on what i've seen in hs, girls who are comfortable with their sexuality and plan to lose their virginity responsibly (getting condoms, getting on bc beforehand) are seen as slutty because they're admitting that they want sex and that they've thought about it. hs sex is supposed to be this thing they just fall into. making demands isn't romantic.

they're afraid that if they ask him to wear a condom, he won't like them. if they know what they might like sexually and ask the guy, he'll think they're used goods because he assumes to magically know what they want. the guys are supposed to set up the sexual demands and the girls just follow. it's a big fucking mess.

loser_anda_user November 13 2010, 22:18:45 UTC

all of this is spot on.

underdog_ontop November 14 2010, 04:00:10 UTC

yes i agree with this, that was pretty much how ~my first time~ went.

rumblecake November 16 2010, 03:45:37 UTC

In hs I knew a girl who was slut-shamed for having a condom in her purse (i.e. she was planning to have sex). The unspoken assumption was that pressure from boys was an acceptable reason to have sex, as a means to an end for maintaining the relationship, but actual desire was not.

nikoel November 14 2010, 04:26:19 UTC

Jesus Christ, the comments at the source.

"Girls are just as responsible!"

"If the girls aren't confidant enough to say 'no' or insist on the condom, maybe they shouldn't/aren't old enough to be having sex!"

ARG!

phaetonschariot November 15 2010, 10:06:37 UTC

"If the girls aren't confidant enough to say 'no' or insist on the condom, maybe they shouldn't/aren't old enough to be having sex!"

If a girl isn't able to prevent rape, she shouldn't get raped? I agree completely. Unfortunately rapists don't.