spring broke
my throat swells up when i hear it. to many things are floating in my head and i cannot pick which one i want to write about. it's all spinning. i was feeling happy, then low, but when i heard the notes again i felt my inside tingle. i don't know why. it is not like i am thinking of someone in particular when i hear it...i don't know what it is, but it makes me feel happy in spite of everything else. i should enjoy that while i can. spring broke and now i am back. it's always like this the first day back--apprehension, anxiety, and such. loneliness is a hard hitter. i just sneezed five times, that has to mean something. it feels like a cello bow is playing across my neck. i fantasize too much for anything real to happen. i need to get out and for more than a week. things are piling up with time and i think i'll panic soon realizing that i should be actually doing--better yet contributing to the right--meaningful...hmm, how about the consequential end? yes that works. i'm not liking this transition or any for that matter. i get cozy in the common. change is not hard to handle it is just undesired and right now i'm not desiring any bit of it. i have really nothing on my mind right now. before i had plenty, i don't know what happened to it all. i'm caught in the fantasy and my mind is gone, so i think i'll do the same.