I Am No Prince [Closed, In Progress]
WHO: Red X and Kairi
WHAT: A late-night meeting
WHERE: Kairi's place
WHEN: Wednesday, late evening
( I Am No Saint )
WHAT: A late-night meeting
WHERE: Kairi's place
WHEN: Wednesday, late evening
( I Am No Saint )
She hadn't even known Ulquiorra that last time. Not yet. And now, she had to hurry and figure out just exactly who it was she cared about the most.
It was a lot more difficult than it sounded.
There was Aloy, who had done so much for her to make sure that she was happy, and then there was Ulquiorra, whom she had done so much for to make sure that he was happy. Though, the former seemed to want an actual relationship with her more than the latter.
But who did she want a relationship with? Could she even have one with her job? Then again, if she ended up with one of them, they both had enough money to support her so she didn't have to keep doing what she did. But Kairi didn't want to have to rely one someone else to take care of her. She had done that before, and that nice couple had vanished into thin air.
Kairi didn't want that to happen to either one of them.
And the fact of the matter was, it could easily happen to either one. One was an assassin aligned with the Monacello family, while the other was one of the most known thieves in the city. They both could end up dead... or worse.
Running her hand over her face with another sigh, Kairi stood from her seat on the couch and walked over to open the door with a slightly forced smile. "Hey, come on in," she said softly, moving out of the way to let him in.
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"Hey, there."
Smiling at her lightly, noticing the tension in her face, in her body language, X let the worry leak into his own body language. Not, of course, that he wasn't worried before, but now he was more worried than ever.
As soon as she closed the door behind him, his arms wrapped around her loosely in a light embrace, easy enough for her to pull away from if she wanted to, but tight enough to tell her he didn't want her to, at least not just yet.
"Missed you."
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There wasn't a real reason why she was hiding her face. It was just... precautionary measures. In case he held her long enough for her to start thinking again.
"I missed you, too," the redhead muttered against her own skin, her thoughts already starting to come back.
It felt nice to be held. It was something Ulquiorra rarely did. Not that she blamed him, of course. If she was sure that he had gotten over Grimmjow, then she could pass it off as him not wanting to get close to someone else, out of fear of possibly having to kill them, family's orders. And she had to admit, she knew she was in danger, housing a Monacello in neutral territory.
It wasn't as if she could've tossed him on the streets after she found out, though. She'd been friends with him before she knew--something like that couldn't change her mind about how she felt.
That's how it'd always been. She made friends with people before she knew anything about them. It'd be the thing that killed her, if her optimism didn't first, she knew. But she knew that optimism was what attracted people to her. They fed off of it when they needed it bad enough.
Was that what attracted the teen in her arms to her? What about Ulquiorra? It had started as her being there as a comfort, a shoulder to lean on, and sprouted into her wanting more than a friendship with him. Sure, she had noticed how a little of her optimism had actually worn off on him, just the slightest, but for some reason, it just felt like everyone had sucked it all out of her. Like trying to act all happy when she was talking to Ulquiorra earlier to keep him from suspecting just exactly how pissed off she still was at him just drained her completely.
Her question was, did Ulquiorra feel even remotely the same about her as she did him?
Kairi subconsciously tightened her arms around him, just a little, while her fingers curled and clutched at his shirt. She hated being confused like this, not knowing whether or not she cared more for one than the other. It wasn't even supposed to happen this way. She wasn't supposed to fall for two respectable and handsome men.
Though, as she thought about that, she was reminded of her conversation a while back with Aloy, and a dry, condescending laugh escaped her lips. She had thought that she would be the smart princess that would ditch the prince and choose her knight, but... now she wasn't so sure.
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But, even as relief washed over him, he could still feel the tension in her body, in her voice. For a second, he wondered if he had come here more for her, or more for him. What if he was the cause of the problem? What if him being here was only making it worse?
No, he couldn't, wouldn't think like that. If he was part of the problem, he'd fix himself, if he had to. But he wouldn't let go.
"Kairi--"
But before he could finish the sentence, she gave a sharp, pointed, bitter laugh. It was... unnerving. He had always known that there was more to her than she let on, more than just the optimism and the happiness. That, beneath it, she had just as many doubts and insecurities, and he had come to assuage them. But now he couldn't help but wonder if he had been too late.
"Kairi...?"
He would have asked if she was alright, but he already knew the answer: No, she definitely wasn't.
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It took a few more moments before the only thing that was on her mind was putting her cheery, happy facade back up. He'd already witnessed too much of her darker self. That was another thing she hated: letting her friends see that dark part of her, the part of her that let everyone know that everything wasn't right with the world.
Releasing a sigh, Kairi calmed herself and put a smile on her face before she lifted her head from her arm. "Sorry about that," she said softly, her smile gentle, but still a little forced.
She took a small step back and looked toward the kitchen. "Is there anything you want me to get you?"
Was she trying to avoid the main subject? Yes. Would it work? Probably not; just enough to stall for a little more time to calm her nerves all the way, if anything. Hopefully.
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Yes, she had a dark side. But if she couldn't show it to him-- if she couldn't show it to a friend, who could she show it to? Who could she drop the mask around and just be herself for?
His smile faded a little, eyes worried, but beneath that, they held a certain determination. She would smile honestly tonight. She would laugh. It would be a challenge getting there, but... she deserved it. She needed it. And after all the light and happiness she had added to his life, maybe it was time for him to return the favor.
"Kairi."
A second later, he had suddenly closed that step again, and, eyes locked with hers, he pressed his lips gently but surely against hers.
Impulsive? Yes.
Stupid? Probably.
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It seemed like a million thoughts were running through her head in that one moment, but she focused on a select few. Like how she should've been kissing back, no matter how surprised by the action she was. That one thought was all it took for her to close her eyes and press back, one hand pressed gently against his chest while her other arm moved its way to drape over his shoulder.
She could feel her blood racing through her veins, and she didn't know why. She wasn't nervous. She didn't have a reason to be. But she wasn't ...
Kairi inwardly rolled her eyes at herself. She was so distracted, she couldn't even finish a thought properly.
Then again, that was the whole reason for her job choice. To keep unwanted thoughts from her mind. But... now that she had a little bit of closure on her family, was there really a reason for her to keep that up?
After another moment or so, Kairi pulled away, just a little, and furrowed her eyebrows slightly, obviously in thought.
"What would you say if I quit my job?" she asked, her voice soft. It probably wasn't the traditional way to end a kiss, but she needed to know what he thought. And she'd be sure to ask Ulquiorra when he finally stopped by, too.
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Furrowing his brows, X searched her big blue eyes as she spoke, trying to figure out whether this was really what was bothering her, or whether she was just deflecting the conversation again. Something told him this was far from the whole story... but his answer would be important, too.
Still holding her lightly in his arms, which were wrapped around her, he took a moment to gather his thoughts before answering, slowly and honestly, eyes looking straight into hers.
"It's your choice, and it always has been, Kairi. I can tell you what I think, but I can't and won't force you to make a choice you don't want just because I want it.
"That said... I think you deserve a job you enjoy. A job you can see wanting to keep not for the security, but because you enjoy the job itself. I... I get that you want to be independent. That you don't want to have to rely on anyone for what you make. And I respect that. It's hard for me not to step in, knowing I can help, knowing I can bring you above this... but this is your choice.
"And am I a bit jealous? Yes. But I know they're just customers to you. It's business. I know you don't care about them in any special way. And even if you did, well... that wouldn't change the way I feel.
"Nothing you do will. Your job is your job, not who you are."
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She wanted to kiss him again, to tell him that she appreciated him being honest with her when she had been, not lying, but beating around the bush with her problems. She wanted to just let him hold her and stay in silence, because just having someone with her was good enough and she didn't need to talk.
Then again, she wanted to blurt out that she couldn't tell the difference between her clients and her relations, and while that was a severe overstatement, it was surely the simplest way to put how she felt.
Ulquiorra hadn't been a client. She had slept with him because he needed a push in the right direction--the direction away from Grimmjow. She had slept with him out of her own choice, because she had felt something for him.
With a sigh, Kairi just leaned forward and pressed her cheek to his as she closed her eyes and moved her arms back to embrace his shoulders. Things were too complicated. She hadn't wanted any of this. She'd never wanted to really have a relationship with anyone, yet here she was, trying so desperately to cling to some sort of answer to her troubles, only to find herself scrabbling at the very edge of her decision.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, shaking her head slightly against his face. She didn't even know what she was apologizing for, to be honest. Maybe deep down, there was a reason, like her feeling guilty for having such a big heart that could hold love for more than one person. She didn't know.
She just knew that she felt two kittens at her ankles, and that she was afraid to look at one of them at the moment, only because it reminded her of one of the men that was making this decision so hard for her. And even she knew that it'd seem off to him that she wasn't paying attention to the kittens, but it was too late. He'd already seen this much of her, and there wasn't any going back now.
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Taking a steadying breath, X opened his mouth to speak again, but was silenced as her arms wrapped around him, her warm cheek pressed to his. Not precisely knowing what to do, he instinctively pulled her a little closer.
As she shook her head and apologized, X's mind went awhirl. What was she apologizing for? She had never done anything to hurt him, and, even if she had, well...
He murmured quietly as he held her close.
"It's alright, Kairi."
And whatever it was, it was alright. Whatever it was, he could take it.
So he stood there and held her close, at least until he felt the kittens about their ankles. Glancing down for a second-- and noticing she didn't-- he bit his lip for a second before suddenly shifting, arms loosening around her before he crouched down and swept her off her feet into his arms.
Impressive, for a boy of his size and build, especially considering what he had been through. Impulsive, too, and he'd be feeling the effects of this later, but, well, somehow, he couldn't bring himself to care right now. Carrying her over to the couch, he laid her down, perching beside her and reaching out to stroke her hair, dark eyes searching for her wide blue ones, a gentle smile on his lips, his voice soft.
"Is there anything you want me to get you?"
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The redhead felt herself being picked up, and she gave a little squeak of surprise, but stayed quiet otherwise as he carried her. She wasn't really used to all of these caring and gentle touches, other than the select few clients who somehow, for some strange reason, actually showed a bit of compassion in their actions. The others... well, she remembered a few bruises that the doctor had checked out after she had been in that car 'accident' that weren't from being hit. Not by cars, anyway.
Hearing his question, Kairi shook her head and sat up on the couch, pulling her knees to her chest and smiling gently.
"I'll be fine." Another lie, but not nearly as deceiving as any other time she had said those words. Being treated the way she was, the way she didn't think Ulquiorra would do in a million years, had made her feel a little better. Maybe that was part of her frustration--insisting on trying to stay faithful to someone when she couldn't even commit in the first place, and when she knew he wouldn't commit, even if she could.
She winced when she saw the black kitten, but not out of physical pain, and she moved her legs away from her body enough for him to jump up and make himself comfortable on her stomach. He stared at her with those sad-looking, vibrant green eyes of his, and Kairi wondered how an animal could look so human, especially like a human she was close to.
This time, she couldn't hold back that dry chuckle as the thought of Grimmjow flitted through her mind. Prime example of why she couldn't even trust herself. She'd expected him to be violent, but not violent enough to literally bring those animalistic tendencies of his to the surface. And if seeing him in that form didn't mean certain death or close to it, she would've said that he looked beautiful like that.
She remembered at least thinking it for no more than two full seconds before he had grabbed her by the throat and started ripping her apart with those claws. Kairi reached up and rubbed at her chest, her fingertips trailing over the huge white scars as the scene played through her head, a habit she had picked up in place of grabbing her necklace. She couldn't touch her necklace anyway, since Ulquiorra still had it.
She suppressed a sigh and moved her hand from her chest to the unnamed kitten, and he hesitantly leaned into her touch. He even had Ulquiorra's characteristics, and she didn't understand why. She knew he wasn't dead and reborn into an animal that he loved so much, so it couldn't have been that. Either way, she gently pet the kitten, being cautious so not to scare him away.
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With a sigh, he let his legs give beneath him and collapsed into a comfortable-half sprawl on the other end of the couch from her, though, despite his body-language, his face was still entirely serious. He didn't miss the wince as she saw the kitten, and her unusual laugh, and though he knew it was probably related to why she wouldn't look at them earlier, he didn't say anything about it. That would just be focusing on the symptoms, and not the disease of her discontent.
"I don't know why you're trying to hide it from me. Maybe you don't want to rely on anyone. Maybe you're afraid that I'll vanish if I find out you're not always smiles. Maybe you're afraid I'll be hurt by whatever it is. Maybe I'm the problem. Maybe you just don't trust me. Maybe it's something else.
"I'm not going to make you tell me what it is. I want to know, but it's your choice, and I'm going to do my best to help, whether I know what it is or not. But... I am going to ask you one thing. Don't lie to me. Don't lie to me and tell me you're fine when you're not. It wouldn't be okay if I did it to you, and it's not okay when you do it to me."
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But the more he went on, the more she found herself biting her bottom lip and... when did she move her hand from the lamp to cover her mouth as if that'd hold back the tears she felt coming on?
When he finished, she shook her head and closed her eyes, trying compose herself before she spoke.
"I... I don't know why I'm trying to hide it, either. But you're right. I don't want to rely on anyone. And... I was afraid you'd think less of me just because I couldn't put on a happy face whenever I could. And yes, I'm... I'm afraid you're going to end up hurt." She skipped over the next point he brought up, not wanting to admit that he wasn't the whole problem, but just a part of it, and she took a deep breath before continuing. "I do trust you, and it is a little bit of something else. I think."
She paused and took another deep breath, trying her hardest not to let her voice crack under the strain of holding back her tears. Only, she wasn't able speak again at all. Kairi tried to close her eyes against her tears, but that only made them fall those few seconds earlier, causing her to turn her head away from him even more to hide them.
That was the last thing she needed to be doing right now, was crying. Now she was just being pathetic.
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Crying.
All thought fled his mind as he zeroed in on her tears, how she was turning away, and, in a second, he was beside her, kneeling in front of her, not letting her turn her face and hide. Without bothering to think or hesitate, he leaned up and pressed his lips to the edges of her eyes, light and gentle, then again, and again, desperately trying to kiss her tears away, as if nothing else in the world mattered to him-- and in that moment, nothing else did.
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It wasn't one of the laughs she'd laughed before. No, this was a genuine laugh, with a genuine smile, and it felt good. She reached up wipe the rest of her tears away, then placed her hand against his cheek.
"Thank you, but I'm o--" She cut herself off, knowing better than to say that she was okay, even if she felt a bit better. "I'm a little better now," she tried again, hoping that it would satisfy him a little.
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One hand went out to find her free one, lacing his fingers between hers and squeezing gently as he murmured his answer against her skin.
"Anytime, princess."
With that, he pulled away just enough to kiss her cheek one more time before gently pressing his lips to hers.
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